Posted alcoholism. Suggested i post here
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Originally Posted by firebolt 
We have to change this flaw in ourselves - not try and change them into who we want them to be, or waste our lives waiting and hoping they become that person. It just won't work.
We didn't cause it, we can't control and we can't cure it.
But we can choose to change ourselves.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 49
well to update a few people. he has been trying to "manage" his drinking.... Friday night turned into drinking 12 beers while me and the kids played on the floor, which we were supposed to get wings and watch a movie. instead sat and stared at us while playing the most depressing music... I had to hold back my tears.... what is this life?! geez.
didn't drink a couple days and was pretty much white knucking it.... played online the whole time, doesn't engage with me or children when he's "trying to not drink".... i just sit back and say nothing.... i hope that's the best for me to do.
I'll just get my life together and see what goes from here, but man emotionally I need love and understanding and intimately I could use a big manly loving hug... this sucks. lol
didn't drink a couple days and was pretty much white knucking it.... played online the whole time, doesn't engage with me or children when he's "trying to not drink".... i just sit back and say nothing.... i hope that's the best for me to do.
I'll just get my life together and see what goes from here, but man emotionally I need love and understanding and intimately I could use a big manly loving hug... this sucks. lol
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
i just sit back and say nothing.... i hope that's the best for me to do.
I'll just get my life together and see what goes from here, but man emotionally I need love and understanding and intimately I could use a big manly loving hug... this sucks. lol
I'll just get my life together and see what goes from here, but man emotionally I need love and understanding and intimately I could use a big manly loving hug... this sucks. lol
And on the big manly hug....IMO, that's exactly part of OUR problem, and what keeps us hooked in dysfunction. That stuff is like a drug to us - to the point that we equate it with love. It's not...and we keep circling back to it for that 'feel good' drug in our brain......when the whole time we are surrounded by healthy things that can do the same for us.
Keep doing what you're doing - it adds up!
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 821
Originally Posted by Coffeebean9
i just sit back and say nothing.... i hope that's the best for me to do.
However, how you feel and what you do are of the utmost importance.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
Originally Posted by Coffeebean9
I'll just get my life together and see what goes from here,
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
Originally Posted by Coffeebean9
After 2 kids (3yo, 9 mo), a house, a puppy..... blah blah blah. Just a few things that stuck out in convo with AH.
"I'm toning it down" .... "it's just taking me a while" ... iuts been 4 years. Instead of a weekly binge 1-2x, 6+ everyday.
Felt accomplished and bragging for not drinking for 5 days! Then boom last night.
"You hate me, all you do is bitch at me" ... no just tired of it, I took off my rose colored glasses.
"I love our kids, but I don't want to get hurt ,if something were to ever happen to them" ... meaning he doesn't want to get attached to them he explained (This one blew my mind)
"I know i pee the bed and everywhere when I'm drunk, I'm mad about it too"
... 3x a week sometimes more or less.
"This is as good as it's going to get, this is who I am, sorry to tell you"
" I know i need to cut back just give me time" i won't drink tomorrow!
..... I went tanning and to get baby medicine, he got mad because i was gone for 45 minutes, so he stormed out and said I wasnt going to drink but now I am, came back and accused me pf wanting to leave him blah blab blah... over the course of a conversation^^^^ he slammed 6 beers in 1.5 hours.... ps I get no breaks 24/7 sahm mom, all i wanted was 45 ******* minutes to myself.
Anyone else keep believing them while they're talking then go to bed and think "wait I've been here before".
"I'm toning it down" .... "it's just taking me a while" ... iuts been 4 years. Instead of a weekly binge 1-2x, 6+ everyday.
Felt accomplished and bragging for not drinking for 5 days! Then boom last night.
"You hate me, all you do is bitch at me" ... no just tired of it, I took off my rose colored glasses.
"I love our kids, but I don't want to get hurt ,if something were to ever happen to them" ... meaning he doesn't want to get attached to them he explained (This one blew my mind)
"I know i pee the bed and everywhere when I'm drunk, I'm mad about it too"
... 3x a week sometimes more or less.
"This is as good as it's going to get, this is who I am, sorry to tell you"
" I know i need to cut back just give me time" i won't drink tomorrow!
..... I went tanning and to get baby medicine, he got mad because i was gone for 45 minutes, so he stormed out and said I wasnt going to drink but now I am, came back and accused me pf wanting to leave him blah blab blah... over the course of a conversation^^^^ he slammed 6 beers in 1.5 hours.... ps I get no breaks 24/7 sahm mom, all i wanted was 45 ******* minutes to myself.
Anyone else keep believing them while they're talking then go to bed and think "wait I've been here before".
When someone shows you who they are... BELIEVE THEM!
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
And whatever you do, stay away from anyone with an appendage between the legs! You need to focus on yourself first and foremost so that you can wake up every day and take care of your children. The need you to be in a good state of mind. They will pick up on the negativity you feel. It will affect them. It has affected you.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by maia1234
Sobriety is about growing up, sobering up and working a program. Its a package that has to be wanted and worked.
It's not, not drinking one day.
It's not, not drinking one day.
Entitlement, selfishness, deceit, thoughtlessness, self-centeredness and the whole lot--they don't flow out of the bottle along w/the alcohol and stop being present as soon as the BAC is 0. But that's kind of what I thought at the time, silly though it seems now...
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Coffeebean, everything you've been writing sounds so familiar. So blasted familiar. I thought AXH was so handsome (still do occasionally, truth be told, if only....). It wasn't just how he looked, it was things he'd do, how he was. And he had no idea. And that was a huge part of it it: him being unaware of it. But all of that was before or without the drinking and drug use. And the drinking got worse after I got pregnant.
AXH used the same lame excuse of not wanting to get too close to DS. AXH once even told me a while later that if anything had happened to me during the birth (there had been complications), he wouldn't have forgiven DS and wouldn't have taken care of him. I can't even explain the horror and how that knocked a few shades of gorgeous off.
I guess I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in having to deal with stuff like that. I totally agree with Firebolt that I needed (need) to work on looking past the surface to see if the values align.
Though... during the relationship with AXH, I totally thought we had the same values. Especially when it came to raising DS. I don't know if he showed hints and I ignored them or if he was completely chameleon-like in showing what he thought I wanted to see.... Maybe a bit of both. (BTW, now, I totally see how this paragraph conflicts with the 2nd one in this post.) But "he" is completely different in his half-hearted approaches to DS with each new GF. IDK. Sorry didn't mean to sidetrack.
Would it be possible to let him sulk in another room, or in the corner, and you just do what you'd planned to do with the kids the next time he rains on your evening? Just get dinner and treats yourself and put on a movie for you and the kids?
AXH used the same lame excuse of not wanting to get too close to DS. AXH once even told me a while later that if anything had happened to me during the birth (there had been complications), he wouldn't have forgiven DS and wouldn't have taken care of him. I can't even explain the horror and how that knocked a few shades of gorgeous off.
I guess I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in having to deal with stuff like that. I totally agree with Firebolt that I needed (need) to work on looking past the surface to see if the values align.
Though... during the relationship with AXH, I totally thought we had the same values. Especially when it came to raising DS. I don't know if he showed hints and I ignored them or if he was completely chameleon-like in showing what he thought I wanted to see.... Maybe a bit of both. (BTW, now, I totally see how this paragraph conflicts with the 2nd one in this post.) But "he" is completely different in his half-hearted approaches to DS with each new GF. IDK. Sorry didn't mean to sidetrack.
Would it be possible to let him sulk in another room, or in the corner, and you just do what you'd planned to do with the kids the next time he rains on your evening? Just get dinner and treats yourself and put on a movie for you and the kids?
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