OK guys, need some strength
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
OK guys, need some strength
I'm pretty sure I can do this. Just need f & f with me.
I told you about that graduation for my DD. Well didn't think my ex would drive up for that.
So at this graduation, I have to deal with: my ex, his gf, my drama queen dtr, her bf. Normal people coming is my son, and my daughter that is graduating, and she is bringing one of her childhood friends that I really like, to break up the tension.
I told her I can deal with this. I'll be staying with this dtr Sunday night and Monday night. No one else will be staying over.
I really can deal with everyone there, except for my drama queen dtr. I'm on vacation (no contact) since Dec 28th. I don't want to deal with her anymore.
Oh well, I am so proud of my daughter, and I told her this, and I would not miss this for the world.
I'm going to concentrate of the "us" time that we will have on Sunday night, and Monday night.
If you can send me any good wishes, I would really appreciate it.
(((((((((((((((hugs, and thank you)))))))))))))))
amy
I told you about that graduation for my DD. Well didn't think my ex would drive up for that.
So at this graduation, I have to deal with: my ex, his gf, my drama queen dtr, her bf. Normal people coming is my son, and my daughter that is graduating, and she is bringing one of her childhood friends that I really like, to break up the tension.
I told her I can deal with this. I'll be staying with this dtr Sunday night and Monday night. No one else will be staying over.
I really can deal with everyone there, except for my drama queen dtr. I'm on vacation (no contact) since Dec 28th. I don't want to deal with her anymore.
Oh well, I am so proud of my daughter, and I told her this, and I would not miss this for the world.
I'm going to concentrate of the "us" time that we will have on Sunday night, and Monday night.
If you can send me any good wishes, I would really appreciate it.
(((((((((((((((hugs, and thank you)))))))))))))))
amy
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Sending you a big hug. Maybe your dq daughter will be on better meds?
Maybe plan some defusing strategies if your ex or the DQD starts in trying to make this about them? Excusing yourself, changing the subject, running an errand?
You can handle it, you know that.
Maybe plan some defusing strategies if your ex or the DQD starts in trying to make this about them? Excusing yourself, changing the subject, running an errand?
You can handle it, you know that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Oh gawd, we talked tonight. Not a good subject, and I didn't bring it up. It was my son and I that talked. I called him about seating arrangements and to help me out for that day. (Graduation Day)
I didn't bring it up. I was talking to DS. He was talking about marrying out of his race, and he thought Asians wouldn't be subjected to this. (racism) Wow
He was telling me how he felt it already because his son has a darker skin color.
I don't know if I should bring this here.
My son is totally Irish skin tone. His wife is Philippine. He has heard things already and is worried about his child being hurt.
My grandson is beautiful.
I even heard things from my family about his darker skin color.
When is there ever a time that we can just love each other instead of looking for differences so that we disparage another?
A child comes into this world, and there are so many people who will look at skin color. Just sickens me.
It's even my own family that thinks like this, and says things to me.
WTH is wrong with people?
When does this hatred end?
Just no words anymore.
I didn't bring it up. I was talking to DS. He was talking about marrying out of his race, and he thought Asians wouldn't be subjected to this. (racism) Wow
He was telling me how he felt it already because his son has a darker skin color.
I don't know if I should bring this here.
My son is totally Irish skin tone. His wife is Philippine. He has heard things already and is worried about his child being hurt.
My grandson is beautiful.
I even heard things from my family about his darker skin color.
When is there ever a time that we can just love each other instead of looking for differences so that we disparage another?
A child comes into this world, and there are so many people who will look at skin color. Just sickens me.
It's even my own family that thinks like this, and says things to me.
WTH is wrong with people?
When does this hatred end?
Just no words anymore.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I'm sorry, Amy. Seems like the past few years things have gotten uglier that way.
But you know, I now see different race couples on television all the time now, even in commercials...that never used to happen. And it seems like most kids now think nothing of it, unless they are taught to be hateful by ignorant parents.
So maybe this latest backlash is just bigotry's last stand?
One thing is for certain...your grandson will be thorougly, utterly loved by you and his parents. And that counts for a whole lot.
Sending you a hug.
But you know, I now see different race couples on television all the time now, even in commercials...that never used to happen. And it seems like most kids now think nothing of it, unless they are taught to be hateful by ignorant parents.
So maybe this latest backlash is just bigotry's last stand?
One thing is for certain...your grandson will be thorougly, utterly loved by you and his parents. And that counts for a whole lot.
Sending you a hug.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Aries, you make me cry in a good way. It really just made me think a lot tonight.
I hated when my sister said to me, "I'm glad you picked that picture, they all look light (or she may have said white) in that picture. Doesn't matter light or white means the same.
It means my sister sees color before individuality. I am white, so I could never understand the years and years that People of Color had to deal with. ( I am trying to be all inclusive by using POC)
I guess it was just seeing with my own eyes and in my own family, how someone could be judged by anything other then the person that he/she is? Never entered my mind, until I started to see the close minded people.
Naive white person. Big check on that one.
I hated when my sister said to me, "I'm glad you picked that picture, they all look light (or she may have said white) in that picture. Doesn't matter light or white means the same.
It means my sister sees color before individuality. I am white, so I could never understand the years and years that People of Color had to deal with. ( I am trying to be all inclusive by using POC)
I guess it was just seeing with my own eyes and in my own family, how someone could be judged by anything other then the person that he/she is? Never entered my mind, until I started to see the close minded people.
Naive white person. Big check on that one.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You've gotten good advice about the graduation. Just don't engage. And don't try to "manage" things, either. Let other people deal with her.
As far as your grandson goes, don't assume that everyone who comments is expressing "hatred." People are always speculating or opining about which parent a child looks like. We could be talking dark hair/blonde hair, or ears that stick out. Some people might merely be surprised to learn that a light-skinned parent has a dark-skinned child. Skin tone is noticed in black families, too. Tactlessness isn't the same as hatred, nor does it express a belief that someone "dark" is inferior. Not necessarily, anyway. So I'd suggest toning down the outrage unless the comments stray into expressions along those lines.
As far as your grandson goes, don't assume that everyone who comments is expressing "hatred." People are always speculating or opining about which parent a child looks like. We could be talking dark hair/blonde hair, or ears that stick out. Some people might merely be surprised to learn that a light-skinned parent has a dark-skinned child. Skin tone is noticed in black families, too. Tactlessness isn't the same as hatred, nor does it express a belief that someone "dark" is inferior. Not necessarily, anyway. So I'd suggest toning down the outrage unless the comments stray into expressions along those lines.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hi Amy.
One of my really good friends just dealt with this, a graduation of her daughter, with a toxic X and his family there. She made she that she had plans outside of their plans , in that when they went to dinner, she planned to take her DD to dinner another time. She just made sure there were lots of other people around she could engage with, and made sure her times with her DD were nice ones. It all worked out. I cannot say without any stress as her X is a narcissist, alcoholic, jerk. However, it did work out enough that while she was mildly uncomfortable at times, she did not engage at all and still had a really nice time.
As far as racism, you would think the world would have gotten past it, but it has not. That's the reality. I am sure they are teaching their child the best ways to handle it, all a person can do is pray for those left with that attitude.
Hugs.
One of my really good friends just dealt with this, a graduation of her daughter, with a toxic X and his family there. She made she that she had plans outside of their plans , in that when they went to dinner, she planned to take her DD to dinner another time. She just made sure there were lots of other people around she could engage with, and made sure her times with her DD were nice ones. It all worked out. I cannot say without any stress as her X is a narcissist, alcoholic, jerk. However, it did work out enough that while she was mildly uncomfortable at times, she did not engage at all and still had a really nice time.
As far as racism, you would think the world would have gotten past it, but it has not. That's the reality. I am sure they are teaching their child the best ways to handle it, all a person can do is pray for those left with that attitude.
Hugs.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
I'm guessing that staying with lots of other people the whole time may reduce the odds of drama. You may also want to set up a bailout/check-in phone call with a friend, so that you have an excuse to slip away and be by yourself if needed.
As for the racism, it sucks. The child will be exposed to stupid bigotry, and his parents will have to find a way to talk to him about it. It sounds like the family dynamics are such that you can't confront your family members about their racism, but the best you can hope for is that someone else will be able to confront them.
As for the racism, it sucks. The child will be exposed to stupid bigotry, and his parents will have to find a way to talk to him about it. It sounds like the family dynamics are such that you can't confront your family members about their racism, but the best you can hope for is that someone else will be able to confront them.
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