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Old 05-08-2017, 01:52 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Smarie78 View Post

For those asking what I will do should he show up at my door, well, for now, just because I am at risk still with my codependency, I decided to stay out at my parents home this week about 30 or so miles away. I was there last night anyway when he called so will just stick around - he knows I spend time here so don't even have to lie about it. I wish him the best this week. Despite my little voice there feeling compassion for him, not an ounce of me regrets my decision.
^^^^^ Wow Smarie. You really are figuring this out.

Dee in Newcomers is always pushing having a plan for Alcoholics. It is just as important for codies. I love your plan. Also very NON-codie to know yourself well enough to know you wouldn't do well if he showed up at your door and get yourself elsewhere. I did the same except a bit more extreme . . . . I left the country. It's like an alcoholic in recovery who doesn't even drive by a liquor store.

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Old 05-08-2017, 01:52 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Smarie,
Good for you! He has his own higher power that will take care of him and it's not you. I know it is hard but I just wanted to let you know, I think you did the right thing. When he runs out of people that soften his consequences maybe he will finally want to work on recovery.
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Old 05-08-2017, 02:00 PM
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Let's be clear here...he got himself kicked out of another place and so terrorized the nice guy who kindly took him in that the guy called the police...more than once.

When do you stop seeing him as the victim here? Because there are plenty of real victims...pretty much everyone who tries to help him, for one.
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Old 05-08-2017, 03:01 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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You seem like you are wavering a little today, so good move on staying at your folks. We do that...we take care of ourselves and then feel guilty! Tats OUR addict voice pushing us, and we have to fight just as hard as they do to squash it.

For any former addicts out there, now that you are sober, did you feel these boundaries helped you?
Doesn't matter my dear....your boundaries are not for him!!! Keep putting measures in place, and keep working on your plan to keep you focused so you don't slide back - you can do this!!
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Old 05-08-2017, 05:51 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by firebolt View Post
You seem like you are wavering a little today, so good move on staying at your folks. We do that...we take care of ourselves and then feel guilty! Tats OUR addict voice pushing us, and we have to fight just as hard as they
I think just a little bit sad, but thankfully no waiver or regret for my decision. That guy told me he was going to be home from work tonight at 6 and hoped ABF would be out of the house. When 6 rolled around tonight I didn't feel the urge to unblock his number -something tells me if Abf was still there roommate would have called me and asked what to do). In this case I truly feel I did all I could and roomie knows he can call cops and Abf knows he has a family and program friends he can reach out to. I'm glad to be here at the parents. I worked out tonight and still getting over a bug so taking a nice stretch of rest. So thankfully no wavering, just a little sad because I am experiencing another layer of grieving as I know this may be coming to a real end.

Good stuff but still tough (I have a couple other unrelated things going on that adds a little extra blahness now) . To Aries point, it's not so much I can't stop seeing him as victim, but I feel a compassion toward him being so unable to battle this. Ok so he's not actually "unable" but perhaps weak or just stopped believing. I don't know to be honest. I don't know why some people succumb to addiction and others fight it. The best I can do is make sure my actions are appropriate. Kind of like the alcoholic that can't always control the craving, but can control picking up that drink.
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Old 05-08-2017, 05:57 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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"The best I can do is make sure my actions are appropriate. Kind of like the alcoholic that can't always control the craving, but can control picking up that drink."

Bravo.

Sending you a hug.
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Old 05-08-2017, 05:57 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Bekindalways View Post
^^^^^ Wow Smarie. You really are figuring this out.

Also very NON-codie to know yourself well enough to know you wouldn't do well if he showed up at your door and get yourself elsewhere. I did the same except a bit more extreme . . . . I left the country. It's like an alcoholic in recovery who doesn't even drive by a liquor store.

Exactly! If he came to my door and looked a state, I don't think I am strong enough today to call cops and ignore his knocks. Even when someone puts you through hell there is still a compassion and attachment (at least that's my wiring) that wants to comfort. I may be strong enough to ignore his calls and not make an effort to find him, but not necessarily a knock at the door. Just for today, I'd rather not drive by the liquor store. And that's right I forgot you had left the country! I'm not in a position to go quite that far now but I'll take the 30 or so miles for now
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Old 05-08-2017, 05:59 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Ariesagain View Post
"The best I can do is make sure my actions are appropriate. Kind of like the alcoholic that can't always control the craving, but can control picking up that drink."

Bravo.

Sending you a hug.
Thank you Aries😘
One day at a time
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