Bekindalways

^^^^^ Wow Smarie. You really are figuring this out.

Dee in Newcomers is always pushing having a plan for Alcoholics. It is just as important for codies. I love your plan. Also very NON-codie to know yourself well enough to know you wouldn't do well if he showed up at your door and get yourself elsewhere. I did the same except a bit more extreme . . . . I left the country. It's like an alcoholic in recovery who doesn't even drive by a liquor store.

Jaeger

Smarie,
Good for you! He has his own higher power that will take care of him and it's not you. I know it is hard but I just wanted to let you know, I think you did the right thing. When he runs out of people that soften his consequences maybe he will finally want to work on recovery.
Jaeger

Ariesagain

Let's be clear here...he got himself kicked out of another place and so terrorized the nice guy who kindly took him in that the guy called the police...more than once.

When do you stop seeing him as the victim here? Because there are plenty of real victims...pretty much everyone who tries to help him, for one.

firebolt

You seem like you are wavering a little today, so good move on staying at your folks. We do that...we take care of ourselves and then feel guilty! Tats OUR addict voice pushing us, and we have to fight just as hard as they do to squash it.

Doesn't matter my dear....your boundaries are not for him!!! Keep putting measures in place, and keep working on your plan to keep you focused so you don't slide back - you can do this!!

Smarie78

I think just a little bit sad, but thankfully no waiver or regret for my decision. That guy told me he was going to be home from work tonight at 6 and hoped ABF would be out of the house. When 6 rolled around tonight I didn't feel the urge to unblock his number -something tells me if Abf was still there roommate would have called me and asked what to do). In this case I truly feel I did all I could and roomie knows he can call cops and Abf knows he has a family and program friends he can reach out to. I'm glad to be here at the parents. I worked out tonight and still getting over a bug so taking a nice stretch of rest. So thankfully no wavering, just a little sad because I am experiencing another layer of grieving as I know this may be coming to a real end.

Good stuff but still tough (I have a couple other unrelated things going on that adds a little extra blahness now) . To Aries point, it's not so much I can't stop seeing him as victim, but I feel a compassion toward him being so unable to battle this. Ok so he's not actually "unable" but perhaps weak or just stopped believing. I don't know to be honest. I don't know why some people succumb to addiction and others fight it. The best I can do is make sure my actions are appropriate. Kind of like the alcoholic that can't always control the craving, but can control picking up that drink.

Ariesagain

"The best I can do is make sure my actions are appropriate. Kind of like the alcoholic that can't always control the craving, but can control picking up that drink."

Bravo.

Sending you a hug.

Smarie78

Exactly! If he came to my door and looked a state, I don't think I am strong enough today to call cops and ignore his knocks. Even when someone puts you through hell there is still a compassion and attachment (at least that's my wiring) that wants to comfort. I may be strong enough to ignore his calls and not make an effort to find him, but not necessarily a knock at the door. Just for today, I'd rather not drive by the liquor store. And that's right I forgot you had left the country! I'm not in a position to go quite that far now but I'll take the 30 or so miles for now

Smarie78

Thank you Aries😘
One day at a time