Alcoholic wife left me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: OKC OK
Posts: 414
To offer advice regarding credit. I used to work as a fraud investigator for Capital One. I had numerous cases regarding identity theft by a former spouse.
If you have a joint CC account (they don't do this anymore but if you were married and opened an account in the 90s you could have one) Pay it off and close it. These accounts were a pain to investigate because one party said they were separated and/or divorcing and the charges weren't theirs. The company doesn't care they just want to get paid.
If she is an authorized user on any of your accounts remove her ASAP.
If you think she has your personal info( I would do this even if you don't think she has your info), put a fraud alert on your credit report NOW. It's free for 90 days. You can reapply it for 90 more days every time it expires. You can put an alert on your report for 7 years but there is usually a fee involved (ask the credit bureaus about the fees- they vary) When you do this what will happen if someone applies for credit (card/loan/whatever) the company will get an alert and they are required by law to contact you and ask for verifying information (they will ask that you send a copy of your current DL/ID, Copy of SSC and copy of a current utility bill) If you say you didn't do it they will remove the inquiry.
This is going to be a pain if YOU want to apply for something but really protect yourself as much as you can.
I hope this helps.
If you have a joint CC account (they don't do this anymore but if you were married and opened an account in the 90s you could have one) Pay it off and close it. These accounts were a pain to investigate because one party said they were separated and/or divorcing and the charges weren't theirs. The company doesn't care they just want to get paid.
If she is an authorized user on any of your accounts remove her ASAP.
If you think she has your personal info( I would do this even if you don't think she has your info), put a fraud alert on your credit report NOW. It's free for 90 days. You can reapply it for 90 more days every time it expires. You can put an alert on your report for 7 years but there is usually a fee involved (ask the credit bureaus about the fees- they vary) When you do this what will happen if someone applies for credit (card/loan/whatever) the company will get an alert and they are required by law to contact you and ask for verifying information (they will ask that you send a copy of your current DL/ID, Copy of SSC and copy of a current utility bill) If you say you didn't do it they will remove the inquiry.
This is going to be a pain if YOU want to apply for something but really protect yourself as much as you can.
I hope this helps.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 5
Hi Rowdy, sending my sympathy, I'm going through something a bit similar. Coped with my alcoholic husband for 15 years, he was made redundant last year, alcoholism got worse. First gf contacted him on Facebook, flattered him, made a manipulative suicide attempt, they met up, full-blown affair started and now he's living with her and wants a divorce 'eventually'. Happened really quickly and like your W he said he 'wants something new'. The woman he's with has been in 2 abusive marriages, has a movement disorder from serious anxiety issues, makes regular attention-seeking suicide attempts, is anorexic, etc.
My H says they're helping each other. He's managed to give up alcohol for 5 months and is helping her give up smoking. He's loving being needed and deflecting his own problems by coping with hers. I'm dreading the rebound which I'm told is inevitable because he's in the 'shiny' stage of the affair where everything is perfect and he's getting the dopamine high from the affair that he would have got from alcohol, which is helping him to keep off it. But I guess the problems come when they finally hit reality and come down to earth. Good luck with your situation, hope you can think of yourself, we have to.
My H says they're helping each other. He's managed to give up alcohol for 5 months and is helping her give up smoking. He's loving being needed and deflecting his own problems by coping with hers. I'm dreading the rebound which I'm told is inevitable because he's in the 'shiny' stage of the affair where everything is perfect and he's getting the dopamine high from the affair that he would have got from alcohol, which is helping him to keep off it. But I guess the problems come when they finally hit reality and come down to earth. Good luck with your situation, hope you can think of yourself, we have to.
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