30 days of limbo
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
How do you make new friends? How do you trust people again? Do we become hermits? Left crying our tears of hurt. Is it just to early to try?
In my case I moved to a new town after we separated and my focus was on hobbies and voluntary work that gave me contacts with completely new people that didn't know my exah. 3 years on only 2 of my long term friends are left and we have been through thick and thin together over 35 years so I value them. The rest fell by the wayside.
I tend to be to trusting anyway. Female friends I have made have always been spot on but I did have problems with male friends....3 of them did not have my best interests at heart, spotted I was vulnerable and tried to use me. I was quick to see that tho and closed them down. It's all a learning experience. I dated one man far too soon but we have become very, very good friends now. I am glad he is in my life. I am still single but very happy to be single. If someone comes along I would consider another relationship but am not looking for one.
In the very beginning I spent much of my time walking my dog, watching Netflix and working on my issues. I was angry, hurt and sad much of the time. interdispersed with feelings of freedom and elation. It takes time to feel OK again. Healing is not an event. You will be OK tho. You will get there. (((massive hugs)) The times I have put that and wished I could hug in person.
In my case I moved to a new town after we separated and my focus was on hobbies and voluntary work that gave me contacts with completely new people that didn't know my exah. 3 years on only 2 of my long term friends are left and we have been through thick and thin together over 35 years so I value them. The rest fell by the wayside.
I tend to be to trusting anyway. Female friends I have made have always been spot on but I did have problems with male friends....3 of them did not have my best interests at heart, spotted I was vulnerable and tried to use me. I was quick to see that tho and closed them down. It's all a learning experience. I dated one man far too soon but we have become very, very good friends now. I am glad he is in my life. I am still single but very happy to be single. If someone comes along I would consider another relationship but am not looking for one.
In the very beginning I spent much of my time walking my dog, watching Netflix and working on my issues. I was angry, hurt and sad much of the time. interdispersed with feelings of freedom and elation. It takes time to feel OK again. Healing is not an event. You will be OK tho. You will get there. (((massive hugs)) The times I have put that and wished I could hug in person.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Other relationships are a form of collateral damage that alcoholism inflicts. I'm with firebolt. Take your time, give yourself a chance to heal a bit, do some self-reflection, and when you feel ready, try re-connecting with some old friends and taking some steps toward making some new ones. Try to be understanding about the fact that your friends, through no fault of their own, can't really understand what you were dealing with. Assume that they care about you and that they just couldn't provide what you needed at that time. A bit of forgiveness and understanding go a long way.
Hugs! Sounds to me like overall you are doing great!
Hugs! Sounds to me like overall you are doing great!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Yep - here too. I had to learn how to "be alone" without "being lonely" too - I'd spent so many years surrounding myself with distractions I didn't know HOW to have a relationship with myself!
I just made a new friend on Saturday - the sister of my BFF's co-worker, lol. The awesome part is that after doing all that hard work I'm confident that the person she met is the Authentic Me & if we end up becoming close friends I'll always know that she genuinely cares for me FOR ME & not for some impression of who I am. Hang in there, it's SO early yet!
I just made a new friend on Saturday - the sister of my BFF's co-worker, lol. The awesome part is that after doing all that hard work I'm confident that the person she met is the Authentic Me & if we end up becoming close friends I'll always know that she genuinely cares for me FOR ME & not for some impression of who I am. Hang in there, it's SO early yet!
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