More Problems
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
More Problems
I appreciate the posts of concern on my previous thread. I decided to start a new thread to update since it has been a while.
Guess I will start with the bad news first. I was diagnosed with and STD during the normal blood workup for the pregnancy. Im ok, and it has been treated with antibiotics. The baby absorbed the antibiotics through me, During our ultrasound, we found out that the baby wasnt growing properly, and I had to have follow up tests where they could get more measurements. The Dr. said the infection at this early stage would not have caused these problems, so if there is any comfort in the situation that is it. I have to get follow up every couple weeks, and the risk is high I will miscarry or there could be developmental problems but that cant be determined yet.
Yes this means he was sleeping around when he was using drugs and drinking last year. I had even asked during our marriage counseling session and he said no, but I had my doubts and wondered if he would even remember because he was so bad off last year.
Whatever you may think of him, after all this came out he totally fell apart emotionally. I felt my best option was to call my parents and ask them to come out. (They didnt know anything about last year or what we have been through). You know the line that says when your sick and tired of being sick and tired? I was broken by this point and all the secrets were not reflective of who I am as a person, so I gave up and accepted whatever was to come after Id told them.
They were in disbelief, and their first comment was why didnt I tell them when it was all going on last year. I had no answer that fit. I think my husband lucked out because he was so pathetic and in tears that they couldnt even yell at him,. My mom thought he was suicidal or had some kind of mental break and that prompted a psych evaluation.
My parents basically said pack up and come home with us. We sat down and talked and they asked what I wanted to do about him. I told them we were the only family he had that he could count on. My dad took my husband back home with him while my mom and I stayed here because of Dr appointments and some other things that need taking care of.
I feel better with my husband not here because I need support and calm, and dont have anything to give him right now. My feelings are strange. Im not surprised to find out he cheated but it feels unreal. It was a year ago and we have worked a lot on our marriage since then, and we were in a good place. I keep thinking back to how disgusting he was last year when he was using . Im sad, disappointed but not angry and wanting to punish him. I feel sorry he is screwed up and not living up to his potential, or holding to the belief system I know he has. I believe he can sort it all out, but right now I dont have the strength to be involved with his issues.
I do feel relief because my family knows. It was the right thing to do in telling them. I wish Id done it sooner.
If I dont reply back to responses right away, its nothing personal. I have to stay calm and may only be able to take in feedback a little at a time.
Guess I will start with the bad news first. I was diagnosed with and STD during the normal blood workup for the pregnancy. Im ok, and it has been treated with antibiotics. The baby absorbed the antibiotics through me, During our ultrasound, we found out that the baby wasnt growing properly, and I had to have follow up tests where they could get more measurements. The Dr. said the infection at this early stage would not have caused these problems, so if there is any comfort in the situation that is it. I have to get follow up every couple weeks, and the risk is high I will miscarry or there could be developmental problems but that cant be determined yet.
Yes this means he was sleeping around when he was using drugs and drinking last year. I had even asked during our marriage counseling session and he said no, but I had my doubts and wondered if he would even remember because he was so bad off last year.
Whatever you may think of him, after all this came out he totally fell apart emotionally. I felt my best option was to call my parents and ask them to come out. (They didnt know anything about last year or what we have been through). You know the line that says when your sick and tired of being sick and tired? I was broken by this point and all the secrets were not reflective of who I am as a person, so I gave up and accepted whatever was to come after Id told them.
They were in disbelief, and their first comment was why didnt I tell them when it was all going on last year. I had no answer that fit. I think my husband lucked out because he was so pathetic and in tears that they couldnt even yell at him,. My mom thought he was suicidal or had some kind of mental break and that prompted a psych evaluation.
My parents basically said pack up and come home with us. We sat down and talked and they asked what I wanted to do about him. I told them we were the only family he had that he could count on. My dad took my husband back home with him while my mom and I stayed here because of Dr appointments and some other things that need taking care of.
I feel better with my husband not here because I need support and calm, and dont have anything to give him right now. My feelings are strange. Im not surprised to find out he cheated but it feels unreal. It was a year ago and we have worked a lot on our marriage since then, and we were in a good place. I keep thinking back to how disgusting he was last year when he was using . Im sad, disappointed but not angry and wanting to punish him. I feel sorry he is screwed up and not living up to his potential, or holding to the belief system I know he has. I believe he can sort it all out, but right now I dont have the strength to be involved with his issues.
I do feel relief because my family knows. It was the right thing to do in telling them. I wish Id done it sooner.
If I dont reply back to responses right away, its nothing personal. I have to stay calm and may only be able to take in feedback a little at a time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 52
I admire your decision to open up to your family. I still haven't said anything to mine. They have no idea my now ex is an alcoholic. Sometimes I crave that relief and their support, but I in someway feel ashamed.
Stay strong. I'm happy you have such a supportive family ❤️
Stay strong. I'm happy you have such a supportive family ❤️
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'm sorry for all these problems, alicia, but at this point I think bringing your family into it was the right thing for you to do. You need all the support you can get right now. I'm also glad that, for the moment, you two are apart. You need some peace and some perspective, and I think you would have expended a lot of emotional energy worrying about him when right now your focus needs to be on your own well-being.
Hugs and prayers and good thoughts,
Hugs and prayers and good thoughts,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
Thank you for the support. Yes, its best we are not in the same space right now. We have talked on the phone everyday because he is genuinely worried. He asked if he lost me, and I told him no, but that I needed time. The doctor out there said he was suffering from PTSD and put him on medication and referral for therapy. My dad has never seen him like this. He cant get over how he is such an emotional mess because he was never like that before we moved. My dad says he put him to work (they are in the same line of work) and I said I dont think he's capable. My dad said not to worry its busy work and he will check everything he does, but says that he needs to get out of his own head and regain some focus. Not to mention my dad is busy and cant babysit him at home.
He and my dad used to have a good relationship. My parents were unhappy that we decided to move away, and how we both left our jobs to do it. I think that was one of the reasons I had a hard time going to them initially and admitting it was a mistake.
Its weird there is just nothing I can do about anything right now. Stay calm, take care of myself, pray for the baby. I dont know whats best but Im sure God does, so I have to trust in that for now. My mom is cooking up a storm, because thats one of her own anxiety relievers.
He and my dad used to have a good relationship. My parents were unhappy that we decided to move away, and how we both left our jobs to do it. I think that was one of the reasons I had a hard time going to them initially and admitting it was a mistake.
Its weird there is just nothing I can do about anything right now. Stay calm, take care of myself, pray for the baby. I dont know whats best but Im sure God does, so I have to trust in that for now. My mom is cooking up a storm, because thats one of her own anxiety relievers.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i am so sorry to hear of the latest. i pray for the health of you and the baby. and i am so glad to hear that you finally asked for help from those who TRULY love you.
i am a bit surprised at the continued shield you try to put around your AH. he's violated every pact between a couple. he has perpetrated violence against you, and transmitted an STD to you, denied having any other sexual encounters and now you and the baby have suffered from his abhorrent behavior.
now is the time to quit worrying about him, you don't have the energy. you must focus all your thoughts and actions on taking care of YOU. let your family love you, protect you, take care of you. keep your AH far far away for a long long time.
i am a bit surprised at the continued shield you try to put around your AH. he's violated every pact between a couple. he has perpetrated violence against you, and transmitted an STD to you, denied having any other sexual encounters and now you and the baby have suffered from his abhorrent behavior.
now is the time to quit worrying about him, you don't have the energy. you must focus all your thoughts and actions on taking care of YOU. let your family love you, protect you, take care of you. keep your AH far far away for a long long time.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I will pray for the health of you and your baby. I am relieved that you reached out to your family and that you have your mom by your side helping you.
I hope being apart may help you begin to see things from a different view.
I hope being apart may help you begin to see things from a different view.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Big hugs to you. I'm so glad you told your family, that they are supportive, and that you are out of there and taking care of yourself.You have been through A LOT, and you don't have to do anything, or make any decisions today! Sending you good thoughts and prayers for comfort, peace, healing, and for your sweet baby's health.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
