heartcore

The whole thing about living with substance abuse is to let go of their story & take care of your story.
He can decide if his drinking is a negative in his life, if he wants to change it & how. That is not yours to claim!
You get to decide if it is a positive, enhancing situation to live with him - as he is now. That's it!
And that frees you up so much! You can say "I don't know if your drinking is a problem for you, but I want to live in an alcohol free house, so this roommate thing isn't right for me."
It takes this vast heavy rainy problem, & moves it out of your area!
He gets to decide if he wants to live in an alcohol free house. He gets to wonder if he has a problem. He gets to decide how to approach it!
Your only responsibility is determining how you want to live. It is loving, spacious, non-judgemental and freeing!
In my perception, this is the core Al-Anon teaching. What do you want for you?
Ps. I dealt with an addict daughter for many years. I finally gave her her own story & took mine back. We are at peace now & things are very positive! But there was a moment where I had to say out-loud "I love you so deeply! But I do not want you to live in my house, because it isn't the life I want for me..."
It was a hard thing to do, but I started thinking about my own life & left her to work hers out. She did, ultimately, although many stories go the other direction...
I send the wish that you can speak your truth through this experience!

hopeful4

I think it's fine that you gave him another...and final...chance. Hopefully you will be a good influence in his life and he will want to change. Unfortunately, he works in an area riddled with alcohol use, so it will be quite difficult for him.

As we always say, more will be revealed. Until then, prepare for the worst, hope and pray for the best.

TimeForMe

Thanks for the update, Justin. For me, this dynamic was VERY familiar. I believe part of my XAH wanted what he was saying to be true...that he would quit drinking entirely, that he would go to AA, etc. After a couple weeks, he'd think drinking in moderation would be ok. I finally left because I didn't want to live that way anymore.

Someone here wrote a brilliant statement. I wish I'd saved it or knew who wrote it. It really put things into perspective for me. I'm paraphrasing, but it was something like, an alcoholic who is not ready for recovery really just wants us to be ok with their drinking, and will say or do anything to make us believe that.

So, I sincerely hope your nephew really wants recovery. Unfortunately, I think many of us have had this conversation with our qualifiers, many times.