AH willing or unwilling to change?
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by batchel9 
I saw him this weekend (in which he was doing something for my family that was totally nice and he didn't have to do at all) and he was all like "I miss you" and "I want to start by trying to date again" and I'm all like "meh" and blah feeling. Does this mean I'm getting over him?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Originally Posted by batchel9
Yeah it sounds like we are in similar boats!!
I think that I need to start consulting with divorce attorneys also to get the ball rolling and at least educate myself.
Have you found counseling for the both of you helpful?? I have been going to counseling for myself and haven't done counseling with him. Mostly because it doesn't feel like an "us" thing to fix....it is him dealing with his issues. But wondering if it has been helpful?
Argh the infidelity issues PLUS drinking would throw me over the edge I think. I've just been having s super hard time because my husband has gone from drinking very frequently several years ago to once a month or less. So pretty infrequent, which feels like progress, except that it has been BAD! Drinking and driving, drinking at work, driving under the influence WITH the kids in the car. My trust in him is toast.
I think that I need to start consulting with divorce attorneys also to get the ball rolling and at least educate myself.
Have you found counseling for the both of you helpful?? I have been going to counseling for myself and haven't done counseling with him. Mostly because it doesn't feel like an "us" thing to fix....it is him dealing with his issues. But wondering if it has been helpful?
Argh the infidelity issues PLUS drinking would throw me over the edge I think. I've just been having s super hard time because my husband has gone from drinking very frequently several years ago to once a month or less. So pretty infrequent, which feels like progress, except that it has been BAD! Drinking and driving, drinking at work, driving under the influence WITH the kids in the car. My trust in him is toast.
As for the infidelity, yeah...that's pretty much blown the doors off me trying to be sympathetic to his alcoholism. I probably should have left years ago but I was drinking heavily and put up with it...felt trapped.
Trust issues: Ugh...I get it! In your case, AH drinking and driving with the kids in the car would be a deal breaker for me. Thankfully, we don't have children, so that's one thing that I don't need to worry about. DH just went to court for a DUI case. He was totally wasted the night he was pulled over but he got a good attorney, went to trial, he was put on the stand and because he's a great liar/performer, the case was dismissed. He brags about it all the time...and he's still drinking and driving.
I would suggest that you start going to counseling with your AH. While it's true that this is HIS journey, it may be good for you to go to a few sessions with him. In my case, having a 3rd party there, who is experienced in the field of addiction, is really helpful. He's able to listen to both sides, see through BS and interject when needed. The support and an outside perspective is huge!
The way I see my situation is I must be prepared. Hence seeing an attorney to learn what my options are, setting up my own bank account, cell phone and PO box. Better to be safe than sorry. KWIM?
Hang in there friend and stay in touch!
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