CocoLoco612

I think it is finally here, the days leading up to his death. Yesterday my AXH was released from his 8th treatment in 7 years. Two of these treatments were in 2017. He went about 14 days between, and during that time he was arrested for DUI and was in a solo car accident. When he arrived at the second visit, he was so intoxicated they wouldn't accept him at the BAC level and sent him immediately to the ER. This is a world renowned treatment facility. Based on other times, I would assume he blew close to if not above .5. At the last treatment he blew a .46 and they accepted him.

Well here we are today. About 30 hours out of another 28 day treatment and he is drunk again. A friend stopped by last night to check on him and he was drunk. The friend asked him to complete a Breathalyzer and he blew a .19.

I just want his pain to be over. His soul is broken, his body is quitting and his mind in turning to mush. I have so many emotions running through me... sadness, anger, grief, guilt, concern.

I really don't want to hear how I need to detach. That is not the point of my post. I have divorced him, I am in therapy, I am taking care of myself. I'm in a good relationship, with a man that understands yet challenges me. It still doesn't change the fact that someone I care about is most likely in their final days. I know there is nothing I can do but stay out of his way.

honeypig

CocoLoco, I'm sorry for your losses, the ones you've already endured and the final one that you sense is drawing near.

I get where you're coming from, and I wish you such peace and healing as you can find in the midst of this. It is a sad, sad thing.

Bobbieka

Prayers for peace, CocoLoco.

mylifeismine

Cocoloco,
It is indeed a unique kind of torture, kind of like watching a horrific
car wreck in ultra slow motion.

It's tragic beyond description, and reaches corners in one's psyche
that were never meant to be touched.

Thank goodness you have taken care of yourself and moved on.
Thoughts & prayers to you.

firebolt

I'm sorry Coco - it's so painful to watch.

I'd say your feelings are pretty normal grieving....it's so devastating to the people around them. I am glad you are out and away from the mess, and I understand that doesn't make the loss easier. Hugs to you.

PhoenixJ

addiction sucks. Empathy and support to you.

LexieCat

I was pretty sure my second husband was headed there--and, as far as I know, he still IS headed there, many years later. It's why I left. It wasn't that I didn't care about him--I did. But I couldn't stand the helplessly watching.

I'm so sorry for your pain--and his.

FeelingGreat

CL, I'm not saying detach, because obviously watching a tragedy like this take place is hugely upsetting, but he may last longer than you think, so please remember to look after yourself and your state of mind. Staying at this pitch of stress is not good for you.
I'm glad you have someone to support you.

Ladybird579

I feel for you. I've watched my exah at death's door more times then I can count but he always rises up from the ashes and lives to drink another day. His mother did the same until she was 86. He may go on for a lot longer. The body's ability to suck up abuse is amazing.

Zircon

Hi,
I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling and going through! I don't believe there are any words that can make the people left behind feel any less pain! It doesn't matter whether it's addiction, cancer, old age, or if the person caused their own demise. That person is some ones someone! We can't turn our emotions and feelings off. I've been a Hospice Nurse for years, and had the privilege to be at the final chapter of many people's lives. I have learned that people grieve differently, some before death and some after. There truly isn't any thing that can be said that makes a big difference. Sometimes just being there and the silence speaks volumes!
Z

CocoLoco612

Thank you all for your encouraging words. He did start his out-patient program as he agreed to after residential treatment. He told his counselor that he drank prior to the starting the out-patient program. As of today, he is still sober.