abbccj03

So before I met and married my AH, my best friend from high school struggled with alcohol. After college, I worked in a bank as a teller for about a year. Due to my friendly personality, I was always given unhappy customers bc I usually could reach them and try and make them happy. (major people pleaser- obviously haha) So a few times I had to deal with a very angry man. He was very hard to make happy and he usually left in anger.

One night I was supporting my friend and went to AA with her. Well angry customer was there. He kept glancing at me. Next time he came in to the bank- he was totally different towards me. Kept asking how long I was sober, blah blah blah. So people pleasing me did not tell him I wasn't an alcoholic. I didn't want to make him feel bad or go back to the angry person he usually was when he came to the bank.

I realize now that the codependant people pleasing personality I have is why I didn't feel strong enough to make him feel bad or ashamed that I wasn't in recovery like he was. I knew he was new in his sobriety and I hoped by me being nice and understanding it allowed him to feel accepted I guess. I only saw him a few times after that and so I didn't have to keep up the charade for a long period of time. But the fact that I actually faked being in AA so another person wouldn't feel bad about themselves shows that I have had my own issues for a long, long time.

I don't know why that memory popped in my head. I had totally forgotten about it until today. Even all of the bs over the years with AH did not spark that memory. My friend has been on and off in her recovery over the years and when I married and had children we kind of lost touch. Each time she went back to drinking she would alienate herself from her long-term friends. I had to focus on my family and couldn't be there for her time after time so hmmmmm. Learning just how far back my own issues with codependency go. Baby steps to a new me also.

AnvilheadII

great recall!!! funny how there were many times in your life where that story might have been recalled, but it is only NOW that it has done so. there's a message in that i'm sure!

if it helps....there is a very nice cook in our work cafeteria, we'll call him Frank. he knows my name but adds an "a" at the end - Tessa. and he'll wave and call out from across the room if he sees me! i didn't have the heart to correct him, he is so darn nice and now it's just gone on too long to mention it without it be embarrassing.

i'm not sure those little transgressions are a BAD thing, but i agree they sure do let us know about our people pleasing ways!!! i am not convinced i want to totally devoid myself of that trait???

abbccj03

haha so true. And my name is hard to pronounce. Years have gone by before someone realizes they have been saying it wrong and have asked why I never corrected. In some cases- I HAVE corrected and they still say it wrong and so I just let it go.

LexieCat

That's a pretty amusing story.

I remember going into a fast food place when I was just a few weeks sober (and, needless to say, not exactly in possession of all my marbles, nor in good control of my emotions), and I flipped out on the poor server who messed up my order. A few days later I felt really bad about it. Not to the point of tracking the server down and apologizing, but I realized it really was a crappy way to talk to someone, however badly they messed up.

The really amusing part is that if you'd told this guy you were only there to support your friend, he probably would have pegged you as an alcoholic in denial, lol.

abbccj03

haha- so true. I can only assume he might have started drinking again and did not want to come face me at the bank for fear of me asking why he hasn't been to meetings.