Support and advice needed
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by sunshine72 
Like I said STOP participating in her antics. Let her call you back and then just be busy doing something you love and let her go without you always coming right back to her. Make her miss you and wonder... She is taking you for granted.
The difference this time is I'm not replying to her or planning going back around there while she's still drunk, I just know she's going to use this against me when she sobars up saying the usual things like you were with someone else or messaging other girls. I will never be able to win so yeah keeping my own sanity is my top priority now
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I just want to note that creating a reaction or response in her is not the GOAL of stepping away from the enabling, and detaching from her behavior--sometimes that's a side effect, but it doesn't always work out that way. The GOAL is to focus on your own life so you aren't consumed with her addiction.
Al-Anon is a group for family and friends of alcoholics. It isn't focused on "how to get them sober," it's focused on healing from the effects of living with someone else's drinking. The more you stay on your own side of the street, and concentrate on living a healthy life for yourself, the better off YOU will be, regardless of whether she continues to drink or not.
Detaching, and refusing to enable someone else, doesn't mean ignoring them. It means not engaging in useless arguments or discussions. It means resisting the urge to nag, to repeat yourself, to defend your own actions or criticize someone else's. It means not protecting someone from the natural consequences of their own actions (calling their boss when they're hungover, for instance).
There's a great sense of freedom that comes when you accept that someone else's choices are her own.
Al-Anon is a group for family and friends of alcoholics. It isn't focused on "how to get them sober," it's focused on healing from the effects of living with someone else's drinking. The more you stay on your own side of the street, and concentrate on living a healthy life for yourself, the better off YOU will be, regardless of whether she continues to drink or not.
Detaching, and refusing to enable someone else, doesn't mean ignoring them. It means not engaging in useless arguments or discussions. It means resisting the urge to nag, to repeat yourself, to defend your own actions or criticize someone else's. It means not protecting someone from the natural consequences of their own actions (calling their boss when they're hungover, for instance).
There's a great sense of freedom that comes when you accept that someone else's choices are her own.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by LexieCat
I just want to note that creating a reaction or response in her is not the GOAL of stepping away from the enabling, and detaching from her behavior--sometimes that's a side effect, but it doesn't always work out that way. The GOAL is to focus on your own life so you aren't consumed with her addiction.
Al-Anon is a group for family and friends of alcoholics. It isn't focused on "how to get them sober," it's focused on healing from the effects of living with someone else's drinking. The more you stay on your own side of the street, and concentrate on living a healthy life for yourself, the better off YOU will be, regardless of whether she continues to drink or not.
Detaching, and refusing to enable someone else, doesn't mean ignoring them. It means not engaging in useless arguments or discussions. It means resisting the urge to nag, to repeat yourself, to defend your own actions or criticize someone else's. It means not protecting someone from the natural consequences of their own actions (calling their boss when they're hungover, for instance).
There's a great sense of freedom that comes when you accept that someone else's choices are her own.
Al-Anon is a group for family and friends of alcoholics. It isn't focused on "how to get them sober," it's focused on healing from the effects of living with someone else's drinking. The more you stay on your own side of the street, and concentrate on living a healthy life for yourself, the better off YOU will be, regardless of whether she continues to drink or not.
Detaching, and refusing to enable someone else, doesn't mean ignoring them. It means not engaging in useless arguments or discussions. It means resisting the urge to nag, to repeat yourself, to defend your own actions or criticize someone else's. It means not protecting someone from the natural consequences of their own actions (calling their boss when they're hungover, for instance).
There's a great sense of freedom that comes when you accept that someone else's choices are her own.
Whether I'm there or not when she's had a drink it is just pointless arguements it's all she wants to do when drunk if I go there to try to keep her calm she says she's braver when drunk so ends up getting emotional from one topic to the next even if it's not just about us it's her life struggles she's had. With a high chance something's going to get broke
And if I leave the situation too keep my own sanity then it's arguing over the phone so I'm left with one choice and that's too ignore her, is this the right decision in this case?
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 32
Hi
Sorry to hear of your dilemma. Glad you on SR - good place to find advice on dealing with an addict as it can be confusing and lonesome. There is a lot to learn about being with addict and I hope you find a path that works.
Try this excercise: put a soft rubberband type thing around your wrist one day when you not around others too much - might get a weird glance or two haha. During that day every single time you refer to your gf in any form of communication with someone or research her situation or when you are thinking of some or other fix to apply to her - snap the band. This will tell you the hundreds of times a day you are fixated on her or rescuing her. You should be busy living YOUR life. Following up YOUR dreams. Not living a life for someone else on their behalf (often very thanklessly).
Another thing to try is make a direct small request that would require some effort of her . A request that means something to you and you alone. Check her reaction and willingness for you. Addicts tend to be very self involved and codependents tend to walk delicately so they heaven forbid don't ask too much or have their own needs.
To have a future with addict will mean the addict will have to make huge strides in sobriety and be uncomfortable and fighting the their inner demons so if she can't do the small everyday things,will she do the big work for you two to work?
Sorry to hear of your dilemma. Glad you on SR - good place to find advice on dealing with an addict as it can be confusing and lonesome. There is a lot to learn about being with addict and I hope you find a path that works.
Try this excercise: put a soft rubberband type thing around your wrist one day when you not around others too much - might get a weird glance or two haha. During that day every single time you refer to your gf in any form of communication with someone or research her situation or when you are thinking of some or other fix to apply to her - snap the band. This will tell you the hundreds of times a day you are fixated on her or rescuing her. You should be busy living YOUR life. Following up YOUR dreams. Not living a life for someone else on their behalf (often very thanklessly).
Another thing to try is make a direct small request that would require some effort of her . A request that means something to you and you alone. Check her reaction and willingness for you. Addicts tend to be very self involved and codependents tend to walk delicately so they heaven forbid don't ask too much or have their own needs.
To have a future with addict will mean the addict will have to make huge strides in sobriety and be uncomfortable and fighting the their inner demons so if she can't do the small everyday things,will she do the big work for you two to work?
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by Tjunction
Hi
Sorry to hear of your dilemma. Glad you on SR - good place to find advice on dealing with an addict as it can be confusing and lonesome. There is a lot to learn about being with addict and I hope you find a path that works.
Try this excercise: put a soft rubberband type thing around your wrist one day when you not around others too much - might get a weird glance or two haha. During that day every single time you refer to your gf in any form of communication with someone or research her situation or when you are thinking of some or other fix to apply to her - snap the band. This will tell you the hundreds of times a day you are fixated on her or rescuing her. You should be busy living YOUR life. Following up YOUR dreams. Not living a life for someone else on their behalf (often very thanklessly).
Another thing to try is make a direct small request that would require some effort of her . A request that means something to you and you alone. Check her reaction and willingness for you. Addicts tend to be very self involved and codependents tend to walk delicately so they heaven forbid don't ask too much or have their own needs.
To have a future with addict will mean the addict will have to make huge strides in sobriety and be uncomfortable and fighting the their inner demons so if she can't do the small everyday things,will she do the big work for you two to work?
Sorry to hear of your dilemma. Glad you on SR - good place to find advice on dealing with an addict as it can be confusing and lonesome. There is a lot to learn about being with addict and I hope you find a path that works.
Try this excercise: put a soft rubberband type thing around your wrist one day when you not around others too much - might get a weird glance or two haha. During that day every single time you refer to your gf in any form of communication with someone or research her situation or when you are thinking of some or other fix to apply to her - snap the band. This will tell you the hundreds of times a day you are fixated on her or rescuing her. You should be busy living YOUR life. Following up YOUR dreams. Not living a life for someone else on their behalf (often very thanklessly).
Another thing to try is make a direct small request that would require some effort of her . A request that means something to you and you alone. Check her reaction and willingness for you. Addicts tend to be very self involved and codependents tend to walk delicately so they heaven forbid don't ask too much or have their own needs.
To have a future with addict will mean the addict will have to make huge strides in sobriety and be uncomfortable and fighting the their inner demons so if she can't do the small everyday things,will she do the big work for you two to work?
The band idea does sound like a good idea although yeah would be a secret thing to do to avoid weird looks haha but I think I've just recently got past the point of trying to fix her and going to let the faith determine whether she sorts her self or not.
I know she would do anything for me normally anything I asked she is good like that but the addiction runs too deep inside her for her to stop that just for me so that's just going to have to simmer for now until she's either proven she can stop it or not.
I have been trying to life my own life because I know that healthy relationships involve your own time, it's just she's soooo needy I don't ever go my friends house or anywhere other than the gym then home because she makes out I'm neglecting her otherwise and I never here the end of it.
For example a couple of weeks before joining this site I realised this relationship was sucking the life out of me so I made a decision to go to my dads every morning for a couple of hours to work on me doing a little routine of posture exercises and reading self help books. Every time I came back afterwards she would be mad with me saying I only care about me what is she supposed to do wait around for me all the time.
Well I see where she is comming from but I tried to explain I was doing it for us because I was losing my mind abit but everyday she would say things like what does the girl have morning off or why do you shower at your dads now and not here etc
So eventually I gave in to keep piece and the only time I go out is to the gym but even then she's messaging me the whole time saying what's taking so long and don't bother comming back I can't cope with you being so distant etc it's all just a mind mess, she has soooo much free time it leaves me with none
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Location: W Washington
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this woman is a big fat dangerous mess. lost her kids. drugged another woman. went to prison. continues to drink and use. she's vicious and violent.
this is not love. not on her part......and not on yours. i'm not sure what you "see" in her, but it's not real. you are trying very hard to see things that just aren't there. she may be chronologically older, but she hasn't gained any experience or wisdom....she remains completely self absorbed.
if anything you have learned what NOT to look for in a woman. red flags everywhere.
this is not love. not on her part......and not on yours. i'm not sure what you "see" in her, but it's not real. you are trying very hard to see things that just aren't there. she may be chronologically older, but she hasn't gained any experience or wisdom....she remains completely self absorbed.
if anything you have learned what NOT to look for in a woman. red flags everywhere.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Hi muddled
I see red flags in every paragraph in your reply to me but I believe you are still working it out for yourself and the increasing intensity and ongoing issues in the relantionship will eventually wear you out to the point you will have to do something as a last resort. It would be great for you to avoid most of that now already and get to the point quicker but each to their own as it is meant to be for them. Wishing you the best and keep educating yourself with addiction and codependency behavior.
I see red flags in every paragraph in your reply to me but I believe you are still working it out for yourself and the increasing intensity and ongoing issues in the relantionship will eventually wear you out to the point you will have to do something as a last resort. It would be great for you to avoid most of that now already and get to the point quicker but each to their own as it is meant to be for them. Wishing you the best and keep educating yourself with addiction and codependency behavior.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
this woman is a big fat dangerous mess. lost her kids. drugged another woman. went to prison. continues to drink and use. she's vicious and violent.
this is not love. not on her part......and not on yours. i'm not sure what you "see" in her, but it's not real. you are trying very hard to see things that just aren't there. she may be chronologically older, but she hasn't gained any experience or wisdom....she remains completely self absorbed.
if anything you have learned what NOT to look for in a woman. red flags everywhere.
this is not love. not on her part......and not on yours. i'm not sure what you "see" in her, but it's not real. you are trying very hard to see things that just aren't there. she may be chronologically older, but she hasn't gained any experience or wisdom....she remains completely self absorbed.
if anything you have learned what NOT to look for in a woman. red flags everywhere.
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
this woman is a big fat dangerous mess. lost her kids. drugged another woman. went to prison. continues to drink and use. she's vicious and violent.
this is not love. not on her part......and not on yours. i'm not sure what you "see" in her, but it's not real. you are trying very hard to see things that just aren't there. she may be chronologically older, but she hasn't gained any experience or wisdom....she remains completely self absorbed.
if anything you have learned what NOT to look for in a woman. red flags everywhere.
this is not love. not on her part......and not on yours. i'm not sure what you "see" in her, but it's not real. you are trying very hard to see things that just aren't there. she may be chronologically older, but she hasn't gained any experience or wisdom....she remains completely self absorbed.
if anything you have learned what NOT to look for in a woman. red flags everywhere.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Originally Posted by Tjunction
Hi muddled
I see red flags in every paragraph in your reply to me but I believe you are still working it out for yourself and the increasing intensity and ongoing issues in the relantionship will eventually wear you out to the point you will have to do something as a last resort. It would be great for you to avoid most of that now already and get to the point quicker but each to their own as it is meant to be for them. Wishing you the best and keep educating yourself with addiction and codependency behavior.
I see red flags in every paragraph in your reply to me but I believe you are still working it out for yourself and the increasing intensity and ongoing issues in the relantionship will eventually wear you out to the point you will have to do something as a last resort. It would be great for you to avoid most of that now already and get to the point quicker but each to their own as it is meant to be for them. Wishing you the best and keep educating yourself with addiction and codependency behavior.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You sound like a caring person, but stepping away from this toxic relationship doesn't mean you're heartless. It simply means you recognize your own limitations. Nobody can MAKE another person happy. People are happy because they love themselves and others, and have found a way to live that's fulfilling. That's impossible for someone who is an addict, unless they do the hard work involved in recovery. She sounds like she has no interest in that--she wants you to make her the center of your life, which is typically selfish addict behavior.
Believe me, the work involved in developing a healthy relationship PALES in comparison to the work involved in dealing with the day-to-day chaos of living with an addict. You have nothing to compare this relationship to. This is NOT normal, and not something anyone needs in their life.
If you leave, she will latch onto someone else who will make it more comfortable for her to drink--at least until that person gets sick of it. Or maybe she will hook up with another addict, and they will just go down together. The point is that you can't save her. You can only save yourself.
We have a saying around here--"Let go or be dragged."
Believe me, the work involved in developing a healthy relationship PALES in comparison to the work involved in dealing with the day-to-day chaos of living with an addict. You have nothing to compare this relationship to. This is NOT normal, and not something anyone needs in their life.
If you leave, she will latch onto someone else who will make it more comfortable for her to drink--at least until that person gets sick of it. Or maybe she will hook up with another addict, and they will just go down together. The point is that you can't save her. You can only save yourself.
We have a saying around here--"Let go or be dragged."
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by Muddled
I'm starting to agree with this completely, I think the main thing that's kept me in this relationship is she's my first and how awkward I am around other people it took well over a year for me to be compftable around her and that was only because she was so persistent in being around me. I really find it hard to think I'd be able to go through so long getting compftable around someone else, the thing is I'm a good looking lad I know this and so does she that's why she put in so much effort in getting me but it's my personality I've hardly experienced much and often have little to say so meeting new people is really awkward and really shy
At some point, though, the pain, frustration and sheer exhaustion of living with active alcoholism is great enough to push us over the edge and out the door. If you're reading around the forum here, you've seen posts from those who've been out for a while and have launched new lives, those who are freshly out and alternating between joy and sadness, and those who are still just looking at the door, not ready to open it yet.
It sounds like you're young, and being young can mean there is a lack of experience and perspective to draw on, making it harder to see past this moment and this person. I hope you find the courage to move ahead sooner rather than later, and that this "relationship" becomes only one of many experiences you learn from in your life.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by LexieCat
You sound like a caring person, but stepping away from this toxic relationship doesn't mean you're heartless. It simply means you recognize your own limitations. Nobody can MAKE another person happy. People are happy because they love themselves and others, and have found a way to live that's fulfilling. That's impossible for someone who is an addict, unless they do the hard work involved in recovery. She sounds like she has no interest in that--she wants you to make her the center of your life, which is typically selfish addict behavior.
Believe me, the work involved in developing a healthy relationship PALES in comparison to the work involved in dealing with the day-to-day chaos of living with an addict. You have nothing to compare this relationship to. This is NOT normal, and not something anyone needs in their life.
If you leave, she will latch onto someone else who will make it more comfortable for her to drink--at least until that person gets sick of it. Or maybe she will hook up with another addict, and they will just go down together. The point is that you can't save her. You can only save yourself.
We have a saying around here--"Let go or be dragged."
Believe me, the work involved in developing a healthy relationship PALES in comparison to the work involved in dealing with the day-to-day chaos of living with an addict. You have nothing to compare this relationship to. This is NOT normal, and not something anyone needs in their life.
If you leave, she will latch onto someone else who will make it more comfortable for her to drink--at least until that person gets sick of it. Or maybe she will hook up with another addict, and they will just go down together. The point is that you can't save her. You can only save yourself.
We have a saying around here--"Let go or be dragged."
Originally Posted by honeypig
You're not alone in this, Muddled. Are you familiar with the saying "better the devil you know than the devil you don't"? It's kept many of us stuck in situations that at best are going nowhere and at worst are degenerating and/or dangerous. We are all afraid of the unknown. We'd all prefer the unpleasantness we are familiar with, the pitfalls we know about, rather than stepping forward into god knows what.
At some point, though, the pain, frustration and sheer exhaustion of living with active alcoholism is great enough to push us over the edge and out the door. If you're reading around the forum here, you've seen posts from those who've been out for a while and have launched new lives, those who are freshly out and alternating between joy and sadness, and those who are still just looking at the door, not ready to open it yet.
It sounds like you're young, and being young can mean there is a lack of experience and perspective to draw on, making it harder to see past this moment and this person. I hope you find the courage to move ahead sooner rather than later, and that this "relationship" becomes only one of many experiences you learn from in your life.
At some point, though, the pain, frustration and sheer exhaustion of living with active alcoholism is great enough to push us over the edge and out the door. If you're reading around the forum here, you've seen posts from those who've been out for a while and have launched new lives, those who are freshly out and alternating between joy and sadness, and those who are still just looking at the door, not ready to open it yet.
It sounds like you're young, and being young can mean there is a lack of experience and perspective to draw on, making it harder to see past this moment and this person. I hope you find the courage to move ahead sooner rather than later, and that this "relationship" becomes only one of many experiences you learn from in your life.
Last edited by Muddled; 04-15-2017 at 11:50 AM. Reason: Missed abit
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
Originally Posted by Muddled
Thank you for the quick reply I think this forum is really helping me keep my own sanity and really think of me as a pose to having to go out and just constantly have her and how to sort this on my mind. She has been messaging me since I walked away I think her bipolar is playing a big part because one minute she is messaging saying how selfish I am and how I don't care about her then the next how she really loves me and needs me.
The difference this time is I'm not replying to her or planning going back around there while she's still drunk, I just know she's going to use this against me when she sobars up saying the usual things like you were with someone else or messaging other girls. I will never be able to win so yeah keeping my own sanity is my top priority now
The difference this time is I'm not replying to her or planning going back around there while she's still drunk, I just know she's going to use this against me when she sobars up saying the usual things like you were with someone else or messaging other girls. I will never be able to win so yeah keeping my own sanity is my top priority now
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 23
What to do now
Hey all,
So just to keep you updated I got home from the gym yesterday to have my girlfriend come to the door drunk again, her response was I'm not hurting anyone I'm not an angry drunk. Well I had to walk away, as usual I would receive messages most of the day and night jumping from I love you too **** you sending me her postcode in a message betending it was for someone else to get me to message back but I manage to held it off, I messaged her at 11pm to see if she had sobared up but nope was still drinking so I muted her. I've woke up this morning to find she's messaged me loads of mixed messages throughout the night and now this morning it's all " I'm sorry" and "I now know I need to stop drinking" it's all the same cycle as always.
The thing is I know I could do a lot better and this is going to be a life long struggle that I could just simply cut out of my life. It's just I get this sinking feeling in side when I think I will never be with her again, I really don't know whether to just skim on the edge of this relationship trying my best to keep me higher power and see if she is going to pull something together (she said she's going to go to aa) or to take the absolute heart ache and cut this cycle now, my heads saying stay far away but my hearts saying let's see
So just to keep you updated I got home from the gym yesterday to have my girlfriend come to the door drunk again, her response was I'm not hurting anyone I'm not an angry drunk. Well I had to walk away, as usual I would receive messages most of the day and night jumping from I love you too **** you sending me her postcode in a message betending it was for someone else to get me to message back but I manage to held it off, I messaged her at 11pm to see if she had sobared up but nope was still drinking so I muted her. I've woke up this morning to find she's messaged me loads of mixed messages throughout the night and now this morning it's all " I'm sorry" and "I now know I need to stop drinking" it's all the same cycle as always.
The thing is I know I could do a lot better and this is going to be a life long struggle that I could just simply cut out of my life. It's just I get this sinking feeling in side when I think I will never be with her again, I really don't know whether to just skim on the edge of this relationship trying my best to keep me higher power and see if she is going to pull something together (she said she's going to go to aa) or to take the absolute heart ache and cut this cycle now, my heads saying stay far away but my hearts saying let's see
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Originally Posted by PhoenixJ
Still support- are you putting your life on hold? Al-anon may help.
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Hi muddled
Some "tough love" for you - it seems you keep circling back to where you begin.
If love was enough to help addiction then no one would be on this forum and rehabs would be empty - we would just love someone better. You can't because addiction starts and ends with the addict.
You do not understand addiction - read, learn, watch - do what you need too to get the information in your head. If not then work on why you keeping an addict in your life. This is not about helping someone who drinks a little too much You are ignoring repeated good advice. No matter how strong you feel about her today, feelings can change and will as time passes but you cannot take back the years wasted. Ever.
Her kids love her - how are they treated in return? Would you have any better? Is she capable to love you in a way you need it?
Is there no other person in whole entire world of 6 or 7 billion that could give you that feeling that is not an addict. Yes there is. You don't only had one option in her. You choosing too. I read your posts and if she drinks daily then how is she giving you the best of her - not close by a long shot. She choose the alcohol then you in that order. It won't change. (You mention she is always drunk when you arrive)
You will not move on because you are actively trying not too.
If you really cannot live without her then that is how you feel. Accept it, follow the road with her, no one will change your mind but you. There is no in between with addiction so highlighting "good moments" here and there means nothing in the long run till they actively sober.
Hope ive gotten my point across to you - you deserve more.
Some "tough love" for you - it seems you keep circling back to where you begin.
If love was enough to help addiction then no one would be on this forum and rehabs would be empty - we would just love someone better. You can't because addiction starts and ends with the addict.
You do not understand addiction - read, learn, watch - do what you need too to get the information in your head. If not then work on why you keeping an addict in your life. This is not about helping someone who drinks a little too much You are ignoring repeated good advice. No matter how strong you feel about her today, feelings can change and will as time passes but you cannot take back the years wasted. Ever.
Her kids love her - how are they treated in return? Would you have any better? Is she capable to love you in a way you need it?
Is there no other person in whole entire world of 6 or 7 billion that could give you that feeling that is not an addict. Yes there is. You don't only had one option in her. You choosing too. I read your posts and if she drinks daily then how is she giving you the best of her - not close by a long shot. She choose the alcohol then you in that order. It won't change. (You mention she is always drunk when you arrive)
You will not move on because you are actively trying not too.
If you really cannot live without her then that is how you feel. Accept it, follow the road with her, no one will change your mind but you. There is no in between with addiction so highlighting "good moments" here and there means nothing in the long run till they actively sober.
Hope ive gotten my point across to you - you deserve more.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Tjunction.....all relationships,that we have invested ourselves in, are painful to break up with.....as you can already see...there is necessary grieving period. It is necessary to grieve when we feel a loss in our llives.
It really hurts, for a while...There is just now way around that....
I call it ....short-term pain for the long-term gain.....
We say...watch the actions, not the words....talk can be cheap, and, easily spoken sweetness and promises can vanish like dew in the early morning sun....
It really hurts, for a while...There is just now way around that....
I call it ....short-term pain for the long-term gain.....
We say...watch the actions, not the words....talk can be cheap, and, easily spoken sweetness and promises can vanish like dew in the early morning sun....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 23
Thank you dandylion and Tjunction,
I have took on board what your saying. I went around to hers this morning too pick up the last of my things (other than my sky Q box and broadband router which I left there, which I'm gutted about as I only signed up too sky the other week now I'm in a 18month contract paying £47 a month for her). I'm going too try this short term pain for long term gain out.
It's hurting already and I keep having thoughts like - just go round there (I know she's sobar now, she just left me a couple voicemails) and help her do this but I know I've tried so many times with it just ending up square one so that's what's keeping me away. She is a really considerate girl when sobar she just can't find it in herself to help herself and even though I think deep down she knows she's doing it she blames everything around her, ahhh see I'm justifying her actions again. That must be the love talking or just the fact I've had to try excuse her actions to everyone around me before I'm unsure
I have took on board what your saying. I went around to hers this morning too pick up the last of my things (other than my sky Q box and broadband router which I left there, which I'm gutted about as I only signed up too sky the other week now I'm in a 18month contract paying £47 a month for her). I'm going too try this short term pain for long term gain out.
It's hurting already and I keep having thoughts like - just go round there (I know she's sobar now, she just left me a couple voicemails) and help her do this but I know I've tried so many times with it just ending up square one so that's what's keeping me away. She is a really considerate girl when sobar she just can't find it in herself to help herself and even though I think deep down she knows she's doing it she blames everything around her, ahhh see I'm justifying her actions again. That must be the love talking or just the fact I've had to try excuse her actions to everyone around me before I'm unsure
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Can you not transfer your broadband service to your address? People do that all the time when they move. There is no reason you should be paying for her service--she can pay for her own.
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