jjj111

Hi all, my sister wants to know if I'd be willing to speak to a guardian ad litem who has been assigned to her son. This happened because her son's father, who is also unstable and has a history of drug abuse, is suing for custody after hearing a rumor that she was drunk and on drugs while her son was in her care. I don't know how true the rumor is, but I'm sure at least a little. Just wondering if anyone has experience working with a gal? I'm not sure I'd want to get involved unless it's confidential, but I'd like to help my nephew by cooperating.

AnvilheadII

one question....what is best for the child? should he be with either parent? it sounds like your sister wants you to vouch for her.....and yet you do not know if it is true that she was compromised.

if you speak to the GAL, do so from a neutral position, with only the child's best interests at heart.

jjj111

Yes, that's the thing. I can't really vouch for her and don't intend to, so unless it's confidential it would cause problems for me to get involved. Sadly, I don't think either parent is really good for him. My sister might be less bad because her ex is pretty awful, but I can't even say that for sure. I don't really know what the solution is. I'm not in a life situation where I could take him. But I at least hope that the situation will continue to be monitored by the gal going forward.

LexieCat

The GAL can only "monitor the situation" if the people who have knowledge share that with him/her. Your sister ASKED you to talk to the GAL. He's a little boy, and he's your nephew. I think for you not to talk to the GAL, honestly, would be unfair to the child, who has two messed-up parents. You can honestly tell the GAL that you have no personal knowledge of your sister's being impaired while the child is in her care, but at the same time be truthful about any issues you know about. If the father also has issues with drug abuse, the court is unlikely to simply transfer custody; the court would probably be more inclined to allow the child to remain with his mom but continue to monitor what goes on in her home. As long as you are truthful to the best of your ability, you won't be hurting anything and you might be helping.

jjj111

Thanks, Lexie. I do want to do what's best for my nephew. I guess my concern is that if I'm honest with the GAL about my sister's drug use and it gets back to her, she will cut me out as she has done many times before. I've already been through a similar thing with my brother. I chose to report his wife to cps after he told me that his wife attacked my niece and I have since been cut off from that side of the family and haven't gotten to see my brother or niece in years. So I hope I don't sound selfish when I say that this is a difficult thing to figure out, I just don't want to also lose touch with my sister and nephew.

jjj111

And my fear about being estranged from her is not only about it being sad for me, but also I worry that I would lose opportunities to quietly advocate for him, like for example I encouraged her to see the gal as a good thing last week when she was complaining about it. I don't know if that makes sense. I think in the end it probably is the right thing to speak to the gal, but it helps to have this space to talk through my fears.

LexieCat

I'm sorry about what happened with your niece, but it was still the right thing to do. I still think you owe it to your nephew to talk to the GAL. Telling the truth is always the right move. You can tell the GAL what your concerns are; as a court-appointed advocate he or she may not have to disclose sources of information.

jjj111

Just an update : I texted my sister back and said I'd be happy to speak to the gal. We exchanged a few more brief texts but I wasn't feeling like getting too wrapped up in her quacking. I have a feeling that maybe she realized that I wasn't going to vouch for her because she said something to the effect that the gal might not even call me in the end. I guess we'll see. I'm not sure if I could figure out how to contact the person if I don't hear from them, my sister didn't give me any details.