kevlarsjal2

I just wanted to quickly thank you all for your support and input! It really means everything to me and I think without this thread I would still be trying to figure him out and wonder what I did wrong again. And why he doesn't understand me...

At the moment I feel a bit overwhelmed with all of this, realising what has really happend in my relationship really threw me off track! Or got me back on track, depending how you want to look at it. I will get back to your posts soon though and just wanted to say, that I really appreciate them


I'm still reading my way through "Why does he do that?" and it's so shocking how precisely it describes my ex. He's quoted so many times, all our dynamics which I never understood, the way our arguments went.. Sometimes it's hard to believe that the author never met my ex.

I'm glad him and me communicated so much over messenger, this way I can now look at just any argument again and see all the patterns being there, now it is so obvious, I did not imagine it! And my memory isn't wrong (like he always wanted me to believe). The only thing I don't have any proof for is his shouting, yelling, other physically intimidation, insulting.. But I don't think I will ever forget those moments.

During the passed days a lot of fear came up but I also noticed how lucky I was to get out of this after only 2 years. And that there was a 2 months break between us by the end of last year. This, plus the fact that we mostly just spent time together during the weekends and didn't live together (all things I didn't like about the relationship) probably helped me to be less influenced by his behaviour.
I still know my boundaries and I do still mention and defend them (or tried to) despite this always having resulted in a worse situation in the relationship. Also I don't have any issues with low self esteem, I like myself, I know what I am capable of and what my strengths and weaknesses are. All in all I haven't lost myself too much, the only thing that is very damaged is how much I feel I can trust my own perception of things, my own judgement. I have not much left in that field. But looking back, reading through that book and reading your stories it could've come much worse. I guess it also depends on the type/style of abuser (I think my ex is a 50:50 mix of The Demand Man and The Victim). He never tried to make me feel stupid or ugly, so there was no damage done there. He just tried to make me feel like I don't get enough done, like I was selfish and want to use/control/manipulate him, that he has to stand up for himself more...