How to let go
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Above all.....do not get pregnant with this guy. If you read around this forum...you will see that it is one hundred times harder to walk away, when things go south, if there are children to be considered, in the middle......
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Originally Posted by LexieCat 
Well, attraction to people who are "sad" and "need help" is a pretty good indication that you are likely to wind up with more of these relationships--like my son did--and a lot of unhappiness and drama. At worst, you will wind up with someone who actually abuses you physically, emotionally, and/or financially. Abusers have radar for people like you.
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If I were you, I'd consider exploring your feelings for someone like this. It isn't like falling in love with someone and then having a problem develop that you never had reason to see coming. This guy might as well have had a neon sign on his forehead, and you were attracted to that. You could be headed for a worrisome future unless you examine that tendency and work to overcome it.
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If I were you, I'd consider exploring your feelings for someone like this. It isn't like falling in love with someone and then having a problem develop that you never had reason to see coming. This guy might as well have had a neon sign on his forehead, and you were attracted to that. You could be headed for a worrisome future unless you examine that tendency and work to overcome it.
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Above all.....do not get pregnant with this guy. If you read around this forum...you will see that it is one hundred times harder to walk away, when things go south, if there are children to be considered, in the middle......
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Originally Posted by dandylion
The emotional scars can, sometimes, be just as bad and debilitating as the physical ones.....
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Originally Posted by Theresa96
I feel like I attract people who are weak and need someone else to feed off of. I'm a go getter, very disciplined. I would never let anyone abuse me like that. Especially physically. I'd probably beat him up haha
Second, you're the one who said YOU fell for HIM because he was so "sad". Whether he was attracted to you for your "go-getter personality" is beside the point. We're talking about YOU, not him.
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Originally Posted by LexieCat
First of all, victims of abuse don't "let" someone beat them up. It's very complicated, and not always something within your control. Strong, confident women can be victims of abuse.
Second, you're the one who said YOU fell for HIM because he was so "sad". Whether he was attracted to you for your "go-getter personality" is beside the point. We're talking about YOU, not him.
Second, you're the one who said YOU fell for HIM because he was so "sad". Whether he was attracted to you for your "go-getter personality" is beside the point. We're talking about YOU, not him.
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Originally Posted by dandylion
No offense taken.....
Those of us who have been through heartache just want to help others avoid it, if possible.....
Those of us who have been through heartache just want to help others avoid it, if possible.....
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How to let go???????
When your codependent it ain't easy!
I wanted to call him so bad all weekend. The boys were away for the first time since AH left me.
He left so many things at my house (probably because they didn't fit into the home-wrecking ho's place.) Said he didn't want anything he left here.
He had a dresser from his childhood, loved it. When he first left I covered it in plastic so it wouldn't get ruined in case he either came back or wanted it.
Well its been 2.5 mos since he's gone and he's not coming back-ever!!
So instead of calling him like the needy little puppy I have been, I took his beloved dresser to the backyard.
Suffice, to say I never knew I was so handy with an axe. I swear I was Paul Bunyon. That dresser is now firewood, and I have been burning it slowly all afternoon in my chiminea.
Yeah, I could have read one of my self-help books, but every swing was cathartic. I feel better and will not call him. Though I did take some pics of the smashed dresser and sent them to my friends...lol
This is just my story, not a recommendation to others.
When your codependent it ain't easy!
I wanted to call him so bad all weekend. The boys were away for the first time since AH left me.
He left so many things at my house (probably because they didn't fit into the home-wrecking ho's place.) Said he didn't want anything he left here.
He had a dresser from his childhood, loved it. When he first left I covered it in plastic so it wouldn't get ruined in case he either came back or wanted it.
Well its been 2.5 mos since he's gone and he's not coming back-ever!!
So instead of calling him like the needy little puppy I have been, I took his beloved dresser to the backyard.
Suffice, to say I never knew I was so handy with an axe. I swear I was Paul Bunyon. That dresser is now firewood, and I have been burning it slowly all afternoon in my chiminea.
Yeah, I could have read one of my self-help books, but every swing was cathartic. I feel better and will not call him. Though I did take some pics of the smashed dresser and sent them to my friends...lol
This is just my story, not a recommendation to others.
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Originally Posted by HURTINGDINA
How to let go???????
When your codependent it ain't easy!
I wanted to call him so bad all weekend. The boys were away for the first time since AH left me.
He left so many things at my house (probably because they didn't fit into the home-wrecking ho's place.) Said he didn't want anything he left here.
He had a dresser from his childhood, loved it. When he first left I covered it in plastic so it wouldn't get ruined in case he either came back or wanted it.
Well its been 2.5 mos since he's gone and he's not coming back-ever!!
So instead of calling him like the needy little puppy I have been, I took his beloved dresser to the backyard.
Suffice, to say I never knew I was so handy with an axe. I swear I was Paul Bunyon. That dresser is now firewood, and I have been burning it slowly all afternoon in my chiminea.
Yeah, I could have read one of my self-help books, but every swing was cathartic. I feel better and will not call him. Though I did take some pics of the smashed dresser and sent them to my friends...lol
This is just my story, not a recommendation to others.
When your codependent it ain't easy!
I wanted to call him so bad all weekend. The boys were away for the first time since AH left me.
He left so many things at my house (probably because they didn't fit into the home-wrecking ho's place.) Said he didn't want anything he left here.
He had a dresser from his childhood, loved it. When he first left I covered it in plastic so it wouldn't get ruined in case he either came back or wanted it.
Well its been 2.5 mos since he's gone and he's not coming back-ever!!
So instead of calling him like the needy little puppy I have been, I took his beloved dresser to the backyard.
Suffice, to say I never knew I was so handy with an axe. I swear I was Paul Bunyon. That dresser is now firewood, and I have been burning it slowly all afternoon in my chiminea.
Yeah, I could have read one of my self-help books, but every swing was cathartic. I feel better and will not call him. Though I did take some pics of the smashed dresser and sent them to my friends...lol
This is just my story, not a recommendation to others.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
DINA.....I love, love, love that story!!
I read a story, once, on this forum---the wife loaded all his liquor collection into th e trunk of her car.....went to the parking lot, outside the bar that her husband
was drinking in....and, gave away "free booze" to each patron as they left the bar......
I read a story, once, on this forum---the wife loaded all his liquor collection into th e trunk of her car.....went to the parking lot, outside the bar that her husband
was drinking in....and, gave away "free booze" to each patron as they left the bar......
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Now is the time to put that discipline to work and in overdrive! Discipline yourself to NOT allow unhealthy people to control your life and happiness.
Discipline yourself to let go of what was and move forward not repeating picking unhealthy people to get involved with.
Discipline yourself to let go of what was and move forward not repeating picking unhealthy people to get involved with.
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Originally Posted by atalose
Now is the time to put that discipline to work and in overdrive! Discipline yourself to NOT allow unhealthy people to control your life and happiness.
Discipline yourself to let go of what was and move forward not repeating picking unhealthy people to get involved with.
Discipline yourself to let go of what was and move forward not repeating picking unhealthy people to get involved with.
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Originally Posted by Theresa96
Yes this all seems just super complicated to me. I didn't mean to offend anyone if I did.
It's pretty insidious.
There's a saying around AA about feeling better than other people because you've never lost a job because of drinking, gotten a DUI, wound up in the hospital, etc.
And that saying is: YET (standing for You're Eligible, Too).
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It's hard to cause he's my first relationship and my "first" so I'm kinda stuck lol.
i gather you are young as this is your first relationship. trust me, let this go. it was an experience, not the sign for the rest of your life. the best way to learn how to HAVE a good relationship is to learn how to let go of the BAD ones. learn the lessons and move on.
you mention that "weak" people are "drawn" to you. do you have any success stories of those "lesser than's" that you have helped move on to a better future? maybe it's best you take all that marvelous energy and make sure YOU have the best future possible.
i gather you are young as this is your first relationship. trust me, let this go. it was an experience, not the sign for the rest of your life. the best way to learn how to HAVE a good relationship is to learn how to let go of the BAD ones. learn the lessons and move on.
you mention that "weak" people are "drawn" to you. do you have any success stories of those "lesser than's" that you have helped move on to a better future? maybe it's best you take all that marvelous energy and make sure YOU have the best future possible.
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Originally Posted by LexieCat
It's not a matter of offending anyone--it's a matter of the need to recognize that being smart, strong, and a go-getter doesn't provide some kind of super-power that means you can't and won't be victimized. It's also no guarantee that you would immediately leave the first time it happens. After all, you've been treated rather poorly by this guy and you're still thinking about whether you would take him back. It's easy to say violence would be a deal-breaker, but it tends to escalate slowly, and the guy who hit you might be so SORRY and promise it will NEVER happen again, and that he's gonna get help for his (drinking/drug use/insert addiction here), and he will be suffering SO MUCH if you abandon him now...
It's pretty insidious.
There's a saying around AA about feeling better than other people because you've never lost a job because of drinking, gotten a DUI, wound up in the hospital, etc.
And that saying is: YET (standing for You're Eligible, Too).
It's pretty insidious.
There's a saying around AA about feeling better than other people because you've never lost a job because of drinking, gotten a DUI, wound up in the hospital, etc.
And that saying is: YET (standing for You're Eligible, Too).
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