mmdillon27

Hello, it has been 4 days since I have ended my on again, off again relationship with my alcoholic boyfriend due to his deliberate choice to stop taking antibuse so he can drink again. My heart is so broken and I feel so lost. Im really just looking for words of encouragement to help me stay strong, I can't go back to this mess. Im physically and mentally ill over this. It feels like my days are passing minute by minute. Thank you so much.

musiclady14

Hi mm.

Sorry to hear your situation.

You CAN do this! I have faith in you...

I left my AH 3 weeks ago. My 3 kids and I are doing incredibly well. Better than I imagined. Life is good again.

Stay strong. Focus on yourself. Read lots about codependency. It helps. Keep moving forward. It gets easier every day. No or low contact. Block everything of his that you can. Distance and time are golden. Keep reading and posting here. There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Hugs.

maia1234

Mm,
You can do this!! Think of it this way, he is your drug of choice, your addiction. You can not listen to the voice telling you to help him, or forgive him, or feel sorry for him. This recovery is about you healing, not about taking care of him. If you are not well, how can you help someone else. Like they say on an airplane, put on your oxygen mask first.

Take it one minute at a time. Post here if you feel the urge to reach out and rescue him. This is about you now, not him. Be selfish, you are worth it in the end, as what you were doing before was not working. Sending big hugs your way.

PhoenixJ

Encourgement and support given

Maudcat

Hang in there. Each day gets easier.

LexieCat

I agree--it will get easier. Especially if you avoid any contact whatsoever with him. Once you answer the phone, reply to the text or email, or give in to the temptation of checking his FB to see what he's up to, you re-open the wound and delay the healing. So try to cut off all avenues of contact and give yourself some time. Try not to isolate. Go out with a friend for lunch. Drag yourself to a movie or go for a bike ride--something you would enjoy IF you were feeling better. Gradually you will start to feel better.

mmdillon27

You're right and great advice. I have checked his FB and was broken hearted to see all of his new friends (young women) that he's added. 😔

atalose

It’s going to be similar to an alcoholic trying to give up booze. You need to have a plan in place, support surrounding you and some kind of outside help like al-anon, therapy etc. You have to be willing to take control over your life and cut of all contact. Much like the alcoholic has to cut out all forms of alcohol in order to stop.

You can’t be a little in, a phone call here or there, a text message once in a while, hearing about him from others, etc. Otherwise the dance of on again off again remains.

Do you really want to be chasing after someone who has told you that booze is more important to him then a relationship with you? Is that the kind of woman you want to be, settling for crumbs here and there?

Take control over your life, accept that you deserve better than anything he can offer you. The longer you hold onto someone who is not going to move forward in life with you and give you the kind of life you seek, you won’t find the one who can.

FeelingGreat

I second the advice to stay away from FB. If he's deliberately stopping the medication so he can drink, then he's obviously not at the stage of wanting sobriety enough. Once you get to that point you are much mentally stronger. I believe there'll come a time when he regrets this weakness, but you will have long moved on.

You are choosing health and a happy well balanced life for yourself.

mmdillon27

Thank you for the advice! Distance and time seem to be a theme in all the advice I have been receiving. Best of luck to you and your family!! ❤️

Sasha1972

Yes, distance and time! Maybe one way to think about it is not as dumping your boyfriend and ending the relationship (which focuses on your loss, because you obviously still have feelings for him) but as gaining the chance to make a happy, healthy life for yourself (which focuses on what you are doing for YOU, and you alone).

And really - adding a bunch of new young women as Facebook friends four days after the final breakup with his girlfriend? This man is not relationship material.

abbccj03

One way to take some control back is to BLOCK him in your phone, on FB, all social media. That way you are not waiting on the text or the phone call. It is extremely hard to do- but it will give you some power. Sometimes waiting for that text or phone call or looking at his FB can crumble your soul.
HUGS!

OT4Kids

It is hard to leave this unhealthy relationship but believe me, it is far better than dragging things out and getting hurt over and over again. You can do this!

Misc72

Have you already read, "Co-dependent No More"? If not, you should.

NewRomanMan

If he has no desire to quit drinking, rest assured the alcohol will take him down. Maybe sooner. Maybe later. But it will happen. It's only a matter of time. Once an alcoholic crosses that line, there just isn't any going back.

mmdillon27

Thank you so much, you are so right!

mmdillon27

and I have been waiting, that's the awful part. I do need to block him because it's torture.

abbccj03

I have been there- done that. Even if you start by blocking him for an hour. A few hours. A day. Just try it. It kind of helps give you a little bit of power back for yourself. I know u will wonder- did I miss his text- did I miss his call? But trust me- if they want to get in contact with you- they will figure out a way. It might be worth it to give yourself a little peace. Even if it's only few a little bit. You will get stronger. HUGS!! Just know you are not alone. So many of us have been in the same situation.

mmdillon27

Really good advice, I'm going to try that and see how it goes!

PhoenixJ

keep posting (:-)>