Abused by possible alcoholic?
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 379
I agree with the others, steer clear of this man and anyone else who makes you uncomfortable. Do reach out to a crisis center or abused persons program. Keep posting here for support. This is an amazing community of people who really care and have lots of good advice.
Take care!
Take care!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 4
UPDATE: So I called my local rape crisis center earlier today... Since it's the weekend the hotline is open were I got to speak with a lady(I believe she was a volunteer) who listened to my story. She said that everything I mentioned was abusive and I was indeed sexually assaulted.. NO... Means No.
I was asking her a bunch of questions in regards to what to expect if I were to file a police report. She didn't have the answers. Yet, advised me to call my local PD and speak to someone there asking what my rights are as a victim before any formal report is made. She also told me to call back on Monday when the agency (rape crisis center) is open to speak with an advocate whom will be able to give more detail information and advice regarding my situation.
So.. I called my local PD earlier today to speak to someone regarding my rights as a victim. However, when I called the operator answered... I told who I wanted to speak to about my situation and he already started asking me personal questions... The city it took place... The street... The address.. Etc. I was already overwhelmed.... I said I just want to speak to someone before I make an actual police report regarding what my rights are and what to expect in the process. He said... I can't tell you anything unless you give me the information. I just said... Thank you, I'll think about it and call back if I want to proceed.
Lexi... This question is for you since you say you work in this field and is familiar with it all.... If I were to make a formal police report can I just have the guy documented in public records as a rapisist and not proceed further as in court or what not. Or does it have to be taken further with attorneys and everything else? I ask because I've read recent stories online that some woman who report sexual assault never get justice. Such as, it never being taken to court. Charges being dropped for whatever reason. I don't want to spend months down the road dealing with this if nothing comes out of it. For example... He won't be arrested... Or maybe he will get arrested but then bailed out by a family member days later. Get what i saying? Is it even worth it all to make formal report???
I was asking her a bunch of questions in regards to what to expect if I were to file a police report. She didn't have the answers. Yet, advised me to call my local PD and speak to someone there asking what my rights are as a victim before any formal report is made. She also told me to call back on Monday when the agency (rape crisis center) is open to speak with an advocate whom will be able to give more detail information and advice regarding my situation.
So.. I called my local PD earlier today to speak to someone regarding my rights as a victim. However, when I called the operator answered... I told who I wanted to speak to about my situation and he already started asking me personal questions... The city it took place... The street... The address.. Etc. I was already overwhelmed.... I said I just want to speak to someone before I make an actual police report regarding what my rights are and what to expect in the process. He said... I can't tell you anything unless you give me the information. I just said... Thank you, I'll think about it and call back if I want to proceed.
Lexi... This question is for you since you say you work in this field and is familiar with it all.... If I were to make a formal police report can I just have the guy documented in public records as a rapisist and not proceed further as in court or what not. Or does it have to be taken further with attorneys and everything else? I ask because I've read recent stories online that some woman who report sexual assault never get justice. Such as, it never being taken to court. Charges being dropped for whatever reason. I don't want to spend months down the road dealing with this if nothing comes out of it. For example... He won't be arrested... Or maybe he will get arrested but then bailed out by a family member days later. Get what i saying? Is it even worth it all to make formal report???
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You're asking great questions. My suggestion to you is that you talk with the advocate on Monday. Ironically, I happen to be working all of this weekend on what amounts to a "how to" manual for prosecutors on handling sexual assault cases.
The reason I'm suggesting you speak with an advocate is this. The advocate can explain what she knows about how sexual assault cases are handled in your jurisdiction. Generally speaking, if a crime such as this is reported, the police have an obligation to investigate it. And if they determine there is probable cause to believe a crime has been committed, they are obligated to make an arrest or refer the case to the prosecutor. Remember, they have an obligation not only to you, but to the community. If they know someone has committed an act like this they can't just let it go.
One consideration might be whether there is any evidence of injury as a result of the assault--you said it hurt. You might want to go to the hospital and ask to have a rape kit exam performed. That's an exam to look for injuries and collect any evidence that might be on your body. Most places have what are called SANEs--Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners. They are specially trained to be kind and supportive while conducting these exams. There should be an advocate available to be there with you--it could be that none were in the office when you called the hotline, but they are generally on call for situations where you are getting the exam. Lack of visible physical injury doesn't mean a case can't be prosecuted--the majority of assaults actually don't involve physical injury. And having a rape kit performed doesn't obligate you to make a formal police report. You NEVER have to talk to the police. But having the exam done means that in the event there IS any evidence (redness, bruising), it can be documented if you DO decide to make a report.
I can't predict what would happen with your specific case if you were to report it. So much depends on how dedicated the police department and prosecutor's office are to investigating and prosecuting these cases. I think your best resource will be the advocate. She will have a pretty good idea about how things work in your jurisdiction. If they are good, you will receive a lot of support and be listened to about what you'd like to see happen with the case. It's not all up to you, of course, but good prosecutors do take the time to listen and take the victim's feelings and wishes into account in making their decision.
So if you're inclined to pursue the rape kit (and I'm sorry I didn't suggest it sooner), you can do that in case you decide to go forward with a report later. If you don't, that doesn't mean the case could not still be considered. I have no idea whether the rape kit would recover any evidence. Otherwise (or in addition), talk with the advocate on Monday. She can help you decide what to do and provide you with any resources you might need to stay safe and to heal from the effects of what happened to you.
Hugs,
The reason I'm suggesting you speak with an advocate is this. The advocate can explain what she knows about how sexual assault cases are handled in your jurisdiction. Generally speaking, if a crime such as this is reported, the police have an obligation to investigate it. And if they determine there is probable cause to believe a crime has been committed, they are obligated to make an arrest or refer the case to the prosecutor. Remember, they have an obligation not only to you, but to the community. If they know someone has committed an act like this they can't just let it go.
One consideration might be whether there is any evidence of injury as a result of the assault--you said it hurt. You might want to go to the hospital and ask to have a rape kit exam performed. That's an exam to look for injuries and collect any evidence that might be on your body. Most places have what are called SANEs--Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners. They are specially trained to be kind and supportive while conducting these exams. There should be an advocate available to be there with you--it could be that none were in the office when you called the hotline, but they are generally on call for situations where you are getting the exam. Lack of visible physical injury doesn't mean a case can't be prosecuted--the majority of assaults actually don't involve physical injury. And having a rape kit performed doesn't obligate you to make a formal police report. You NEVER have to talk to the police. But having the exam done means that in the event there IS any evidence (redness, bruising), it can be documented if you DO decide to make a report.
I can't predict what would happen with your specific case if you were to report it. So much depends on how dedicated the police department and prosecutor's office are to investigating and prosecuting these cases. I think your best resource will be the advocate. She will have a pretty good idea about how things work in your jurisdiction. If they are good, you will receive a lot of support and be listened to about what you'd like to see happen with the case. It's not all up to you, of course, but good prosecutors do take the time to listen and take the victim's feelings and wishes into account in making their decision.
So if you're inclined to pursue the rape kit (and I'm sorry I didn't suggest it sooner), you can do that in case you decide to go forward with a report later. If you don't, that doesn't mean the case could not still be considered. I have no idea whether the rape kit would recover any evidence. Otherwise (or in addition), talk with the advocate on Monday. She can help you decide what to do and provide you with any resources you might need to stay safe and to heal from the effects of what happened to you.
Hugs,
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