Feeling like Alice and falling back down that Rabbit Hole
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I think wanting a healthy sex life is NORMAL. I was raised in the Catholic Church so I understand how deeply ingrained those ideals can become.
Now - it's a lot easier for me because I don't identify with any part of the religion & stepped away from it years ago because it did not match my personal thoughts about religion & spirituality. This wouldn't bother me because *I* don't believe it - that we could be so easily damned for such a human thing.
I found that being mindful of FOG (reacting due to fear, obligation or guilt) is just as applicable here..... do YOU really believe these things or are you just reacting out of "catholic guilt"? I think the most recent Pope has been showing us first-hand that even Catholicism is capable of change!
Now - it's a lot easier for me because I don't identify with any part of the religion & stepped away from it years ago because it did not match my personal thoughts about religion & spirituality. This wouldn't bother me because *I* don't believe it - that we could be so easily damned for such a human thing.
I found that being mindful of FOG (reacting due to fear, obligation or guilt) is just as applicable here..... do YOU really believe these things or are you just reacting out of "catholic guilt"? I think the most recent Pope has been showing us first-hand that even Catholicism is capable of change!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
If it makes you feel less weird, I haven't had sex in over ten years. I haven't shriveled up, and I consider myself an agnostic.
I do think that age is a factor in feeling this way, though. Not a factor in the "shriveled up" sense, but a factor in the "different priorities" sense.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 367
I just had to second the notion of the battery operated friend. I just ordered a new one, in fact. Definitely a must-have. I'm nowhere near healthy or recovered enough to go down that road with another person, so... yeah.Keep posting, keep reading. It does get better.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: nj
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by firebolt
Sure, that could be part of it. Also - I think its fairly common for people like us to associate sex with love...let alone, we're pretty hyperfocused on being wanted / needed. Add the pain of cheating, and that's a pretty deep scar with regards to our wanting to be wanted, and needed, let alone our mental part of sexual health.
Horny or not, it's pretty common to want to reach out and fix what is broken - no matter how far our of our hands that it is. We want to feel better, and we think someone else can make us feel better, when WE are the only ones that can do it for ourselves.
You are doing all the right things - keep doing them. And hands off the phone - all he has for you is pain - even if at some point he tries to disguise it as love or sex.
Horny or not, it's pretty common to want to reach out and fix what is broken - no matter how far our of our hands that it is. We want to feel better, and we think someone else can make us feel better, when WE are the only ones that can do it for ourselves.
You are doing all the right things - keep doing them. And hands off the phone - all he has for you is pain - even if at some point he tries to disguise it as love or sex.
Why, why, why do I still want him to apologize, and make it all better?
Especially, when he did so much damage.
I really need to work on learning how to validate my own self-worth.
It's like having the person who knocked you down be the one who picks you back up. I am major brainwashed and have a lot of work to do.
On a plus note because I was feeling so low, I went to the gym at 6am before work. Did feel better during the day, but girlfriend the nights loom long.
I really do need Sober Recovery, Family & Friends. I only wish I found it sooner. But, at least I found it. -)
Made dinner early, fed my puppies (human & furry) Going to Alanon.
I am worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
it's called Going to the Hardware Store for Bread.
we keep looking to those that HURT us to HEAL us and it just doesn't work. you are right, we become conditioned. pavlov's dog.
it's ok.....anyone who comes to SR has some skewed thinking going on - be it about drugs or alcohol or family of origin dynamics or a loved one. nobody got here and said Man, this is the best day EVER!
we keep looking to those that HURT us to HEAL us and it just doesn't work. you are right, we become conditioned. pavlov's dog.
it's ok.....anyone who comes to SR has some skewed thinking going on - be it about drugs or alcohol or family of origin dynamics or a loved one. nobody got here and said Man, this is the best day EVER!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
What Anvil said--you're no more messed up than the average bear around here. Most of us don't come to SR just for the heck of it, for the novelty of hanging around with some screwed-up people. 
Actually, here's a little secret. Everybody on the planet is screwed up in some way. It doesn't come out as addiction for everyone, or co-dependency, but we all have our irrational fears, our shameful experiences, our regrets, etc. And the longer we kick around this planet, the more we accumulate. If we are fortunate, and/or make a bit of effort, we learn to deal with them so they don't rule our lives.
ETA: Personally, I would take my own dysfunctions any day of the week over our President's. Seriously, if I had to make a choice between being a screwed-up alcoholic and being him, even for a single day, I'd pick the alcoholism. It's a more dignified condition.
Actually, here's a little secret. Everybody on the planet is screwed up in some way. It doesn't come out as addiction for everyone, or co-dependency, but we all have our irrational fears, our shameful experiences, our regrets, etc. And the longer we kick around this planet, the more we accumulate. If we are fortunate, and/or make a bit of effort, we learn to deal with them so they don't rule our lives.ETA: Personally, I would take my own dysfunctions any day of the week over our President's. Seriously, if I had to make a choice between being a screwed-up alcoholic and being him, even for a single day, I'd pick the alcoholism. It's a more dignified condition.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Lordy, how did I get so messed up?
Why, why, why do I still want him to apologize, and make it all better?
Especially, when he did so much damage.
I really need to work on learning how to validate my own self-worth.
It's like having the person who knocked you down be the one who picks you back up. I am major brainwashed and have a lot of work to do.
Why, why, why do I still want him to apologize, and make it all better?
Especially, when he did so much damage.
I really need to work on learning how to validate my own self-worth.
It's like having the person who knocked you down be the one who picks you back up. I am major brainwashed and have a lot of work to do.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Actually, I prefer to think that everyone who comes to SR is a person with heartache--of some kind--at some level...
I once read where someone said that we are, all, basically, just protoplasm filled sacs, hurling through space, while doing the best that we can.....
I once read where someone said that we are, all, basically, just protoplasm filled sacs, hurling through space, while doing the best that we can.....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by dandylion
I once read where someone said that we are, all, basically, just protoplasm filled sacs, hurling through space, while doing the best that we can.....
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by dandylion
I once read where someone said that we are, all, basically, just protoplasm filled sacs, hurling through space, while doing the best that we can.....
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