hpjrt

Hi there,

A friend of ours will be coming out of rehab soon. My husband has known this fellow all of his life ... and all of our mutual friends had been concerned about Paul's drinking this past summer.

Now that he's coming home, we all want to be supportive of his "recovery" without wanting to make him feel conspicuous. We, of course, realise that we will no longer offer him an alcoholic drink ... and won't expect to be offered one at his house ... but above and beyond the obvious ... how should be respond to him.

What does a recovering alcoholic fear the most from his friends? What does a recovering alcoholic want to hear/see most from his friends?

I hope these aren't stupid questions ... but we want to do the very best we can for and by him. Eventually, we'll probably all be able to talk normally about this ... but initially, we want him to know that we accept him for who he is, regardless of alcohol ... but I suspect that coming right out and saying that isn't the most realistic approach.

Any ideas for us?

Thanks

Mary

Gabe

Hey Mary,
Your friend is so lucky to have a supportive friend like you.
I'd just let him lead the way.
If he wants to talk about his recovery, that opens the door for you to verbalize your feelings.
If not, you can show support in actions instead of words.
I think that having people who support and believe in them is one of the most wonderful blessings a recovering addict can have.
Gabe

Magichappens

Hi Mary,
Welcome. Everyone is different. No one can predict how another will act or react. Be yourself, and all will be as it should be. Hugs, Magic

Veronica

I know for my AH, when he came home from rehab, he talked to his close friends about his drinking problem and how he had to change his life (i.e. stop drinking). All of his friends were/are supportive; however, they continued their old patterns of conduct and drank alcohol in front of him - at poker (they have played weekly for 10 years or so) and at various functions they would invite us to....they just wouldn't offer him a drink, etc. For my AH, it got to be too much and so he has distanced himself from his friends. So, I guess this is the long way of saying - it would be very helpful to a recoverying alcoholic if you do not drink alcohol in front of him (at least until he is comfortable with being around alcohol, which may take some time). Hope this helps!

hpjrt

Thanks for the responses. I think we are all in agreement that alcohol won't form part of our socialization with Paul when he comes home. As for the rest ... we'll just let him take the lead.

I appreciate your taking the time to respond to my query.

Mary