What's this "we" crap!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
oh peaches - you always crack me up whether you mean to or not! the "sneaky little bas****" bit just made me checkle!
thanks for that - i was feeling quite anxious today for some reason and that helped me a bit!
thanks for that - i was feeling quite anxious today for some reason and that helped me a bit!
Guest
Posts: n/a
What bothers me the most is when I accept his apology......and I am still angry inside but I want it to be over......so I say okay........which this is almost a daily thing........
I no longer want to sit there and listening to his quacking all day and then him coming to me and giving me an empty apology, and me giving him an empty acceptance.......and then giving him something else.....to make him feel better....ewwhhhhhhhhhhhh (something has to change). My husband is absolutly gorgeous by looking at him..and he says he doesnt understand why I dont want ******** ewhhhhhhhhhh.
I think that will be a goal for me this week........I am going to somehow......figure this one out.......maybe while he is quacking I will learn the tool I have learned so well with my kids........I am really good at blocking my kids out.......maybe that will work with him.........Maybe I can take my mind somewhere else and pretend that I am sitting on the sand and listening to the ocean waves come in..
I wonder if I practice meditation, like I have heard so much about.......I wonder if if I can make that work......Something to look into for me.......
I no longer want to sit there and listening to his quacking all day and then him coming to me and giving me an empty apology, and me giving him an empty acceptance.......and then giving him something else.....to make him feel better....ewwhhhhhhhhhhhh (something has to change). My husband is absolutly gorgeous by looking at him..and he says he doesnt understand why I dont want ******** ewhhhhhhhhhh.
I think that will be a goal for me this week........I am going to somehow......figure this one out.......maybe while he is quacking I will learn the tool I have learned so well with my kids........I am really good at blocking my kids out.......maybe that will work with him.........Maybe I can take my mind somewhere else and pretend that I am sitting on the sand and listening to the ocean waves come in..
I wonder if I practice meditation, like I have heard so much about.......I wonder if if I can make that work......Something to look into for me.......
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
What I have learned about forgiveness is that it is for YOU and not for HIM. You forgive someone to release the power that the anger has over you. Resentments are powerful, insidious and destructive. When you forgive someone, you let go of the resentment.
Good luck!
Barb
Good luck!
Barb
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Mahopac, NY
Posts: 4
My AH is always saying .. "I am just trying to be nice" when he is trying to do something after the fight.. I always tell him his definition of nice needs to be adjusted. Trying to get me to fool around with him after we just had a fight, or he smells of beer isn't him trying to be nice to me, but him trying to be nice to him..
The last week was bad for me.. fighting every night until monday.. For some reason I had decided not to fight anymore, no more reacting to his behavior. Tuesday night I was in bed and he came in an hour late from work. I knew where he was, at the bottom of the driveway drinking. Usually this would have been a fight, but he came in, I politely said hello. He looked confused. Are you ok? I said "I am fine".. Then he said "Are you mad?".. I told him no. I am not going to be mad anymore. I refuse to revisit this everyday. It was actually funny because he didn't know what to do. I told him dinner was in the fridge, go eat something.. He looked at me dazed (not from drinking, because he wasn't drunk), but just from shear confusion and turned to go get something to eat. I have been doing the same thing for the last few days and he has been better.. who would have thought that not yelling would get more action then yelling..
So I would say instead of trying to change his actions, change your reaction and see what happens.. If he calls to apologize say thank you and move on..
The last week was bad for me.. fighting every night until monday.. For some reason I had decided not to fight anymore, no more reacting to his behavior. Tuesday night I was in bed and he came in an hour late from work. I knew where he was, at the bottom of the driveway drinking. Usually this would have been a fight, but he came in, I politely said hello. He looked confused. Are you ok? I said "I am fine".. Then he said "Are you mad?".. I told him no. I am not going to be mad anymore. I refuse to revisit this everyday. It was actually funny because he didn't know what to do. I told him dinner was in the fridge, go eat something.. He looked at me dazed (not from drinking, because he wasn't drunk), but just from shear confusion and turned to go get something to eat. I have been doing the same thing for the last few days and he has been better.. who would have thought that not yelling would get more action then yelling..
So I would say instead of trying to change his actions, change your reaction and see what happens.. If he calls to apologize say thank you and move on..
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Peaches,
I think the "we" thing is BS too. I work on me. I can't work on we. He either works on him or not.The we thing happens because neither of us leaves, and we both work through our own stuff. If someone says "We need to...." My answer is I will work on my part, and you work on yours, and it will get done. I take my responsibility for working on me. I know that I need work. I work on me for me, not anyone else. But if the other person doesn't work on themself, there is no we. Hugs, Magic
I think the "we" thing is BS too. I work on me. I can't work on we. He either works on him or not.The we thing happens because neither of us leaves, and we both work through our own stuff. If someone says "We need to...." My answer is I will work on my part, and you work on yours, and it will get done. I take my responsibility for working on me. I know that I need work. I work on me for me, not anyone else. But if the other person doesn't work on themself, there is no we. Hugs, Magic
Radar
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Colorado Springs
Posts: 199
Hi Peaches. I ran into the "we" stuff today too. I couldn't believe it! He told someone that "we" are working on quitting drinking... 
I have to tell you... he has a security job and this was at an interview for his top secret clearance. He has a secret clearance and the next step is "top secret" because you can get better jobs if you have that. Anyhoo... I couldn't help but think, "Did you tell him you're an A and you go to internet porn sites?" NOT!!
I have to tell you... he has a security job and this was at an interview for his top secret clearance. He has a secret clearance and the next step is "top secret" because you can get better jobs if you have that. Anyhoo... I couldn't help but think, "Did you tell him you're an A and you go to internet porn sites?" NOT!!
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