Need support, part 2
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'd suggest telling him not to contact you further. If he persists, you can file a criminal complaint for harassment. You might want to call the police and report it, and ask them to contact him to tell him to stop. That way you have a record that he's been told to leave you alone.
It's time to take action to make this stop.
It's time to take action to make this stop.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
I'd suggest telling him not to contact you further. If he persists, you can file a criminal complaint for harassment. You might want to call the police and report it, and ask them to contact him to tell him to stop. That way you have a record that he's been told to leave you alone.
It's time to take action to make this stop.
It's time to take action to make this stop.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 379
He still has a key. Thankfully he waited til he knew my kids were with my ex husband. When I told him I was going to call the police he took my phone and threw it.
He has been staying in a homeless shelter since he spent all his money. He is pissed at me. He yelled at me and told me how my kids are spoiled pieces of sh.. and kept telling me to shut the f... up. And then left.
He yelled over and over that he disappeared on me because I let my kids and mom disrespect him. That it was not acceptable for my kids to refuse to speak to him.
I am afraid to call the police.
He has been staying in a homeless shelter since he spent all his money. He is pissed at me. He yelled at me and told me how my kids are spoiled pieces of sh.. and kept telling me to shut the f... up. And then left.
He yelled over and over that he disappeared on me because I let my kids and mom disrespect him. That it was not acceptable for my kids to refuse to speak to him.
I am afraid to call the police.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 379
I am so sick and stressed. I had a note from social worker to give to work for leave approval for first week of missed work and a note from psychiatrist for missing work this week and my job didn't accept either. They require specific forms and only from a dr. Idropped one form off at psych hospital and one at psychiatrist and neither have completed them. And then another form from a dr. Clearing me for work. It is such a pain.
My house has 1 key that opens front and back door, side door into garage and shed Door. I know I need to change them. It's just one more thing to do. I know it sounds like I am making excuses but I am really overwhelmed and exhausted.
My house has 1 key that opens front and back door, side door into garage and shed Door. I know I need to change them. It's just one more thing to do. I know it sounds like I am making excuses but I am really overwhelmed and exhausted.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
OT....now is the time to call on your support people for help....
You said that you contacted three friends and your parents and your sister to support you in getting free.....call on them. Ask them to pick up some locks and install them.
You said that you did an intake meeting with a therapist at the "abuse organization".....call this therapist's office and tell them that you need help for safety planning..tell them you are afraid to call the police...ask them to help you...
Rather than running yourself ragged...ask your friends to take your forms for the psychiatrist and doctors to a place that can fax them for you....and, have the offices to fax the finished products to your work place.
Here is the thing...you have to open your mouth and ask people to help you....really ask...because, they may be willing to help, but don't know what you specifically need.
For the doctor's offices, you may have to make daily phone calls...because, the squeaky door gets the most oil.
I am guessing that you might not be in the habit of asking for help....that this might be a new behavior that you will have to learn. You may need to grow some new wings,in this respect....
We all have to ask for help, at some times in our lives. None of us is an island...
You do good when you get angry....try to get your angry on again (regarding your boyfriend).....lol....
You said that you contacted three friends and your parents and your sister to support you in getting free.....call on them. Ask them to pick up some locks and install them.
You said that you did an intake meeting with a therapist at the "abuse organization".....call this therapist's office and tell them that you need help for safety planning..tell them you are afraid to call the police...ask them to help you...
Rather than running yourself ragged...ask your friends to take your forms for the psychiatrist and doctors to a place that can fax them for you....and, have the offices to fax the finished products to your work place.
Here is the thing...you have to open your mouth and ask people to help you....really ask...because, they may be willing to help, but don't know what you specifically need.
For the doctor's offices, you may have to make daily phone calls...because, the squeaky door gets the most oil.
I am guessing that you might not be in the habit of asking for help....that this might be a new behavior that you will have to learn. You may need to grow some new wings,in this respect....
We all have to ask for help, at some times in our lives. None of us is an island...
You do good when you get angry....try to get your angry on again (regarding your boyfriend).....lol....
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'm with dandylion--ask for help. It will open ALL kinds of doors for you if you can start doing this. It's hard at first, but gets much easier with just a bit of practice. Your friends and family want to support you, but they can't read your mind.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 379
First of all I want to thank you all for your continuing support.
Yesterday I got in to see my psychiatrist and he supported me in taking another week off from work.
I went to the psych hospital for the 4th day in a row to get my leave papers signed by a Dr. I sat there for another hour but got them signed.
I got the locks changed at my house. I called my local abused persons center and made a safety plan.
I was wiped out and then my boss called and said she needed to meet with me that day. I didn't want to but after I picked my son up she came to the house to meet with me. I am good at my job but not at the paperwork that goes with it. I have been in a state of emergency for the last 2.5 years. So I am way behind with paperwork and it is my evaluation year. Long story short, I am being written up for sub par job performance. It is true for my paperwork being late. I had to read a long document that basically cut to the bone. Anyway, I had to sign that i had received it. I can write notes saying what I disagree with which did include several things. But it just sucks that the timing of it was now, and I am not really in the mood to write a rebuttal and need to do so by tomorrow. I am lucky because I can't get fired off the bat. There is some process. But I was too tired and upset to deal with it yesterday.
I really need this job because I have good health insurance and my illness is so severe. My kids are also on my health insurance. The issue is that I think I am too physically and emotionally sick to go back to work but can't get a dr. to complete the disability paperwork for me.
I wish everyone a peaceful day!
Yesterday I got in to see my psychiatrist and he supported me in taking another week off from work.
I went to the psych hospital for the 4th day in a row to get my leave papers signed by a Dr. I sat there for another hour but got them signed.
I got the locks changed at my house. I called my local abused persons center and made a safety plan.
I was wiped out and then my boss called and said she needed to meet with me that day. I didn't want to but after I picked my son up she came to the house to meet with me. I am good at my job but not at the paperwork that goes with it. I have been in a state of emergency for the last 2.5 years. So I am way behind with paperwork and it is my evaluation year. Long story short, I am being written up for sub par job performance. It is true for my paperwork being late. I had to read a long document that basically cut to the bone. Anyway, I had to sign that i had received it. I can write notes saying what I disagree with which did include several things. But it just sucks that the timing of it was now, and I am not really in the mood to write a rebuttal and need to do so by tomorrow. I am lucky because I can't get fired off the bat. There is some process. But I was too tired and upset to deal with it yesterday.
I really need this job because I have good health insurance and my illness is so severe. My kids are also on my health insurance. The issue is that I think I am too physically and emotionally sick to go back to work but can't get a dr. to complete the disability paperwork for me.
I wish everyone a peaceful day!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sorry about the writeup, but you sort of knew you were dropping the ball at work, right? I'm not BLAMING you, but the fact is that dealing with all the chaos from the ex really did throw you off your game, and you recognized that.
This is your job doing what it needs to do, to be fair to all its employees. It's giving you notice that some things have to change, which you already knew. I think by staying away from him, as you are now doing (and great that you're putting protections in place for yourself!), you are going to be able to get re-focused on your job.
Look at it this way--you can dramatically improve between now and the next performance review. Those things get noticed. It doesn't sound like your job is in any immediate danger. They are just following necessary procedures to make sure you do get re-focused.
ETA: Don't be afraid to ask for any help you need to get things back on track at work. It will show management that you are taking this seriously and are doing whatever you need to do to become a more productive employee.
This is your job doing what it needs to do, to be fair to all its employees. It's giving you notice that some things have to change, which you already knew. I think by staying away from him, as you are now doing (and great that you're putting protections in place for yourself!), you are going to be able to get re-focused on your job.
Look at it this way--you can dramatically improve between now and the next performance review. Those things get noticed. It doesn't sound like your job is in any immediate danger. They are just following necessary procedures to make sure you do get re-focused.
ETA: Don't be afraid to ask for any help you need to get things back on track at work. It will show management that you are taking this seriously and are doing whatever you need to do to become a more productive employee.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
I got the locks changed at my house. I called my local abused persons center and made a safety plan.
Even though he seems determined to drag you down with him, it looks like you caught yourself in a nick of time and now the only direction is up, even though it doesn't seem that way at the moment. I'm rooting for you as hard as I can!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I want to second what Lexie said--another member, Wisconsin, who doesn't post much any more, had a similar situation where the stress and chaos of living with her AH was endangering her job also. It's a government job that she really loves, in addition to it having great benefits, important for her and kids, and she was seriously in fear of being let go in the next round of budget cuts. She'd received bad reviews and wasn't sure she could pull out of her dive in time to save her position. There was definitely fear involved, w/her not knowing what she would do or how she could leave AH if her job was gone.
She finally made the decision to move out from AH and almost immediately, w/the stress level lowered, she and the kids were so much happier and doing so much better, that she turned the career situation right around and is now doing well again, happy, secure and productive. I'm certain that the same possibility exists for you.
And as far as "talk to the hand", I think you could go so far as to say "talk to the elbow, b/c the hand ain't listening!"
She finally made the decision to move out from AH and almost immediately, w/the stress level lowered, she and the kids were so much happier and doing so much better, that she turned the career situation right around and is now doing well again, happy, secure and productive. I'm certain that the same possibility exists for you.
And as far as "talk to the hand", I think you could go so far as to say "talk to the elbow, b/c the hand ain't listening!"
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
By continuing to let this person into your life, it is damaging you mentally further and further. You cannot be on disability, so this job is your life line. Do you see where I am going here? He will be back. He is in a homeless shelter. He is going to want money and shelter. You must prepare for that.
Look, I get it. There have been days I don't know how I drug myself to work. However, I know with 100% certainty that my chaos will go from bad to much, much worse if I were to lose my job. So, I make myself go. I did the best I could. It was a reprieve sometimes to get my mind off of other things.
You can do this. I see how productive you can be when you set your mind to it. We are here to support you, you are not alone.
Look, I get it. There have been days I don't know how I drug myself to work. However, I know with 100% certainty that my chaos will go from bad to much, much worse if I were to lose my job. So, I make myself go. I did the best I could. It was a reprieve sometimes to get my mind off of other things.
You can do this. I see how productive you can be when you set your mind to it. We are here to support you, you are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
OT, imagine that--the member I mentioned in my last post to you, who goes by the name of Wisconsin? She just posted this thread:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...o-friends.html
She does talk about her job in it, and you might want to check it out when you get a moment.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...o-friends.html
She does talk about her job in it, and you might want to check it out when you get a moment.
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