Need support, part 2
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 379
Well I am finally mad because in addition to me making the last two payments on his car when he was missing , I learned today that he got $800 in fines for getting towed when he disappeared on me. The car is registered in my name so I am responsible for making the payments.
Also when he "fooled" the sheriffs and police and people in the psych ER I realized that he is a sociopath.
Also when he "fooled" the sheriffs and police and people in the psych ER I realized that he is a sociopath.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,980
So glad to hear you are taking steps to separate from this man OT.
Please, please work on yourself. You have been through the wringer and worse . . . .you have put yourself again and again in this position. Please figure out what is going on with you that has led you to do this.
Big hug.
Please, please work on yourself. You have been through the wringer and worse . . . .you have put yourself again and again in this position. Please figure out what is going on with you that has led you to do this.
Big hug.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by OT4Kids 
Also when he "fooled" the sheriffs and police and people in the psych ER I realized that he is a sociopath.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 328
OT,
You go! This man is not good for you. In fact, he is detrimental and abusive to you! No one deserves the kind of abuse you have endured. Please take a few minutes to write down all these things along with all the bad things he has done to you so you can remember these feelings when you doubt yourself. So proud of you for taking car of yourself!
You go! This man is not good for you. In fact, he is detrimental and abusive to you! No one deserves the kind of abuse you have endured. Please take a few minutes to write down all these things along with all the bad things he has done to you so you can remember these feelings when you doubt yourself. So proud of you for taking car of yourself!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 379
Yes, I realize he only contacted me because he ran out of money and his car was towed and he couldn't get it out. Besides that, he had me convinced he was dead. I wasted my time, money, energy, sanity, as well as time of police in 3 states, a commisioner, a judge, and several sheriffs and I got more behind at work. When asked him why he left he blamed my mom, my kids, and me for upsetting him. He could not take any responsibility for his behavior. So yeah, I am finally mad and finally realizing that this situation will never change and if I continue to involve myself in it I will end up dead or back in the hospital.
Thank you all for your support.
And for any of you who are in a similar situation, get out before you lose your money, your time, and your sanity like insid
Thank you all for your support.
And for any of you who are in a similar situation, get out before you lose your money, your time, and your sanity like insid
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
OT4....yes, anger can be a strong motivator. Please write down the most horrid aspects of this relationship, and carry it...so that you can keep these things in mind....whenever you might start to doubt yourself.....
It helps to stay in touch with the reality of the pain.....especially, during the first few weeks.....
It helps to stay in touch with the reality of the pain.....especially, during the first few weeks.....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by OT4Kids
I wasted my time, money, energy, sanity, as well as time of police in 3 states, a commisioner, a judge, and several sheriffs and I got more behind at work. And for any of you who are in a similar situation, get out before you lose your money, your time, and your sanity like I did.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
The good news is that I finally am mad at him. No, I am not allowing him to stay at my house. I went to see my psychiatrist this morning and he increased my antidepressant and added a small dose of anti anxiety meds. He wrote a note for me to take a week off from work. I made appointments with a new primary care dr who does western and holistic medicine and made an appointment with a new Rheumatologist. I contacted my bosses at both of my jobs and am making plans with them to catch up on paperwork. I contacted the local abused persons program and did an intake meeting with a therapist there who will get me set up with group therapy in addition to my individual therapy. I have asked 3 friends, my parents and my sister for support in stopping contact with him and I suspended service on his phone. It took a lot to get here, but I am ready to take care of myself.
Thank you all for your support!
Thank you all for your support!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Maryland
Posts: 379
Good idea to sell the car! I want to see if my ex husband will pay me for half of its worth because our older son is 16 and will be getting his license soon.
This is still hard. I have just been keeping busy..thank goodness for soccer tournament and futsal championship, guitar lessons and dinner with my parents, sister and her kids and having my kids this weekend.
Got some errands done. Got some rest. Need to do more catch up for work.
This is still hard. I have just been keeping busy..thank goodness for soccer tournament and futsal championship, guitar lessons and dinner with my parents, sister and her kids and having my kids this weekend.
Got some errands done. Got some rest. Need to do more catch up for work.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
OT, if you have the time, I'd sure like to get some input from you on this thread: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...vs-i-want.html
The thread is about the difference between "wanting" something and being "willing" to do whatever it takes to get there. I think you might have some things to tell us about how you moved from "wanting" things to change to finally being "willing to do whatever it takes."
I cannot tell you how glad I am that you've found your strength, your voice and your spirit at last.
The thread is about the difference between "wanting" something and being "willing" to do whatever it takes to get there. I think you might have some things to tell us about how you moved from "wanting" things to change to finally being "willing to do whatever it takes."
I cannot tell you how glad I am that you've found your strength, your voice and your spirit at last.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
There's not a set timetable. Look, you're still very close to all of this. The wounds are quite fresh, and you've been dealing with incredible stress for the past several months.
I can promise you that it WILL get better, though. Unless, of course, you maintain contact with him, which will prolong the process of healing indefinitely. If you can firmly shut the door on him and go with absolutely no contact, it will give you a chance to pull yourself together--with whatever help and support you need. I really recommend continuing with therapy. You'll get through this and there will be a happier life on the other side.
I can promise you that it WILL get better, though. Unless, of course, you maintain contact with him, which will prolong the process of healing indefinitely. If you can firmly shut the door on him and go with absolutely no contact, it will give you a chance to pull yourself together--with whatever help and support you need. I really recommend continuing with therapy. You'll get through this and there will be a happier life on the other side.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,980
Originally Posted by OT4Kids
I am not mad anymore. Just sad. When does it get easier.
Please take it one day at a time and let us know how you are doing.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by OT4Kids
I am not mad anymore. Just sad. When does it get easier.
I made this thread a while ago b/c of a quote on this topic that I particularly liked and wanted to share: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...akes-time.html
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
Whenever I've finally let go of those things I didn't want to let go of, I thought I would never feel happy again. That I would be sad and depressed forever.
It did take time but that belief turned out to be not true at all.
It was all a matter of riding out that painful time to the best of my ability. To accept it wasn't going to feel good for awhile. That hard time never lasts--it will end.
It did take time but that belief turned out to be not true at all.
It was all a matter of riding out that painful time to the best of my ability. To accept it wasn't going to feel good for awhile. That hard time never lasts--it will end.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
My emotions were all over the place for 4 - 6 months. Sad, angry, lost, happy and back to sad again. Then they planed out because I was starting to accept what happened, my role, his role, my responsibility, and both of our actions.
A year out - I'm better than I ever remember being. It comes - work on you, re-find the things that make you truly happy WITHOUT him as a factor! You can do this, be gentile
with yourself!
A year out - I'm better than I ever remember being. It comes - work on you, re-find the things that make you truly happy WITHOUT him as a factor! You can do this, be gentile
with yourself!
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