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Old 06-14-2019, 01:58 PM   #101 (permalink)

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Me too

Mine is now saying that I am blaming the family dysfunction on him when I say that his alcoholism makes the kids disrespect him and exacerbates their oppositionality. And he sees no reason why he should even try to moderate his drinking. And Iím a ďPuritanĒ. They can do such verbal gymnastics when they are confronted.
Originally Posted by caroelle View Post
Hi Flower, I just received email notifications that this post has been updated and I now remember reading this post a couple years ago when you posted it. I remember thinking that you and I are living the same life. I never thought I would post on a forum such as this but I really find comfort in reading what you are going through because I'm going through the exact same thing.

Your AH and your relationship sounds exactly like mine. I learned about co-dependancy after finding this forum a couple of years ago and have been working at not trying to control him or his drinking. It's heartbreaking watching him from the sidelines. I just wish he could see how much better he is and how life could be if he just stopped drinking.

My husband isn't violent or abusive but he is annoying and obnoxious when he has been drinking and I stay with him because when he's sober, he's that person that I love again. I also have that hope every day that "today is the day...."

I hope you keep updating us here because as much as others are helping you with advice, you are also helping others by sharing.
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Old 06-24-2019, 10:25 AM   #102 (permalink)
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I'm finding that I'm dreading weekends with my AH. I actually get some peace in the house when he finally passes out. There have been a few more outbursts targeting me; I think he's gradually becoming more and more verbally & emotionally abusive. It's absolutely, without a doubt in my mind, getting more frequent.

There was something that happened yesterday that made me suspicious of another type of activity, possibly infidelity. I just don't know how to confirm it. I didn't sleep at all because I simply couldn't get out of my own head. I cried a couple of tears, but mostly I'm just angry. I'm running out of tears.

I have reached out to an attorney for a consultation. Ugh, they're expensive! Next step is calling to schedule the appointment and getting the cash for it so it doesn't show up on the credit card bill.
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Old 06-24-2019, 01:12 PM   #103 (permalink)
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untreated alcoholism is progressive, which means the associated behaviors and choices also change as the disease continues. more aggression, more picking fights, more fault finding, more random bizarre weirdness. as long as you are there, you are a target.

it's likely there is "other stuff" too - could be drugs, women, strange online activity, spending sprees........

speaking to an attorney, with some quickness, is truly you doing you a favor. this stuff doesn't get better, it just gets worse. and going down hill, tends to pick up speed. your situation today is likely to be the best it's gonna get........1 year, 3 years, longer from now? more damage, less options, more time for him to beat you down, destroy the finances, etc.
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Old 06-24-2019, 01:15 PM   #104 (permalink)
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As my alcoholism progressed, I also went from being a relatively "happy" drunk to increasingly aggressive, dark, and began to target my spouse with verbal attacks.

This is quite common.
I second what Anvil said above--it's going to just get worse, and maybe much quicker than you expect.

Protect yourself legally, but also prepare for personal attacks which may be quite shocking in their intensity.
"There's almost as many terms and gradations for drinkers like us as there are stars in the sky.

All the study in the world - and all the subjective hierarchies - won't get people sober. . .

Only action can do that."

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Old 06-26-2019, 04:39 AM   #105 (permalink)
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I woke up this morning thinking about how this has progressed. The incidences are getting more frequent and bizarre. I've always thought, "no way, my husband would never do something like that." I think I'm starting to just realize that is complete BS. I feel like there are 2 sides of him, and the 1 side is gradually taking over the other. I do not like this new person he's becoming.
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Old 07-11-2019, 07:54 AM   #106 (permalink)

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Originally Posted by flower959 View Post
So just an update. It's been while since I've checked in here. This week has been a rough one. Last night when I came home from work, my husband had started on dinner and had a glass of wine waiting for me. I immediately suspected that he had been drinking. He had to travel for work during the day and most likely got home a little earlier than normal. Any ways, I did not notice any beer on the counters or his normal "drinking glass". However there was an open can of Sprite sitting on the counter. He stepped outside to tend to the grill and I took the opportunity to take a sip from the can of pop. Sure enough, it was liquored up. I feel deceived and hurt. He has been drinking and according to my knowledge, it's still on weekends (Friday & Saturday, with sometimes a day during the week if we go out to dinner). I'm wondering how often he's done this. Pretending to be drinking a can of pop, when it's been added to?! He's hiding it from me. I've looked multiple times throughout the house over the last few years and have never found anything hidden. I haven't talked to him about it yet. I'm pretty sure that he saw me set the can down after I took a sip. He ended up dumping it out and getting a real can of pop which he opened in front of me. I've been really quiet with him because I'm disappointed. I'm just at a loss on why he is now (or has he been doing it for a while) being secretive.
my boyfriend did they same thing. He has these hiding places you wouldnít even try to think of and would pour vodka into water bottles or pop cans.

This sounds like itís progressing. In my experience if it starts to become that they are hiding it and being deceitful itís the warning sign that itís about to get way worse.

I hope he decides to get the help he needs before it worsens
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