Emotional...again
 

So...tomorrow is moving day for the kids and I.

AH and I finalized our Separation Agreement this afternoon. He has been drinking non-stop ever since. And although I know this is the way things need to be, I'm incredibly sad...for him. My kids and I, of course. But especially him today.

His drinking brought us to this point. And now he's drinking to excess to cope with our marriage being over and the kids and I leaving. He has so many issues for which he's self-medicating and, more recently, self-destructing.

I tried so hard to support him and love him. I just want him to get help. Not so that we can be together again...because we can't. But so he can be happy and enjoy his life. Not be tormented by horrible childhood memories, depression and anxiety, and then destroy his life just to numb out. Everyone deserves peace and happiness. And I still love the man and want more for him than this.

Slowly getting hold of today's emotions. Tears just keep flowing despite my best efforts. 😢

Sending you a hug.

Music- your short narrative reflects awareness and maturity. That you offer support and compassion after reaching a breaking point is proof of that.
I offer both to you and my thoughts to your ex.

Hugs, musiclady.

Good luck with the move. I think you will shortly see that it was the best thing to do for you and the children.

Sending you a big hug. I truly know how you feel!

Music lady-I want to be you when I grow up! Wishing you peace tonight.. you are a very strong person and you're doing the right thing for your kids. Hope I can some day be as brave & kind hearted!

Musiclady, I understand what you are going through. Sending positive healing energy your way. It's so hard to watch those we love and have cared about for years self medicate and numb themselves. It is sometimes their only coping mechanism. You, however, are taking positive steps toward a better life for you and your children. I wish you the best with the move. Just allow yourself to feel the emotions for now. It's only natural to feel sad. But also know that brighter days are ahead.

musiclady.....this is the most loving thing you can do....(and the hardest).....
there is the possibility that this may be the factor that could lead him to choose to reach for sobriety and help for his issues....
The sadness is expected....go ahead and cry all that you need to.....

I think that after you get into the new living quarters, you will feel more settled......
I understand just how you feel.

Thinking of You
Stay Strong

Even though you are doing the right thing that doesn't stop you caring and it doesn't stop it being incredibly painful either - such a difficult path for all.
My thoughts and best wishes are with you.

Sending a hug friend.

Peace and strength to you today!! You are doing the right thing. :grouphug:

Hang on...tie a knot in that rope and hang on. I know what it's like to want so badly for someone you love to save their own life because we are too tired and too weary and well, physically unable to save it for them. We feel guilty that we are abandoning them, and we watch them drink more to cope so bargain with ourselves that "if we promise to stay, then will you stop?", but know that we will be unhappy because it will only be a matter of time until they start back up again. We give chance after chance....so many chances and opportunities for them to right themselves. We give an abundance of love and support and friendship and warmth and all we do is beg for them to meet us half way. All we ask is that they make some efforts...that they simply WANT to get better and take the steps. But they don't. And we are backed into a corner where the only solution is leaving. If we stay, we donate our own life to them to destroy along with theirs. If we leave we at least have a chance to save ourselves (and in your case, your children)....and maybe even his life (leaving could be a bottom for him).

I'm sorry for your pain. Let your tears flow. You cannot control his fate...just pray for it. It's all you can do. I still dream of the day when he will have a beautiful and happy life even without me in it. I would risk not getting to share that just to know it happens for him. How his happiness would make me happy....

Musiclady....it's time to accept the things you cannot change. You are simply changing the things that you can. It will get better. I hope you can get to Alanon today. Much love and empathy.

it seems SO damn obvious, right? JUST.STOP.DRINKING. and you can address your past, resolve your present and HAVE a future.

just let that one thing GO.

instead they defend and protect the very thing that is ruining EVERYTHING. won't see it. won't budge an inch.

and so eventually - when there are no more words left to say that haven't been said one hundred times in one hundred different ways, when we are flat out of threats, bargains, ultimatums and even defeat - we must leave them to it.

it IS sad.

Thanks for all the input, kind people. It is greatly appreciated. 😊

You have my support, musiclady. I HATE moving; it's so stressful. But: in your particular case it's soooo worth it and will be much better for you and your kids.