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Getting ready to leave

Old 03-12-2017, 10:12 AM
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Getting ready to leave

Hi everyone, first post from me.
I have been with my AH for eighteen years now,the last seven have been a living hell because of his drinking. I am now buying a house and move into it in about three weeks, giving him the opportunity to stay in our rented apartment. I told him at the beginning of the house buying process that he wouldn't be moving into it with me unless he sorted himsef out, and of course, he hasn't, although he swears he wants nothing more. Dont really know why Im posting here, execpt looking for a little support..Im super excited about the house but not as much as I should be, cause,like everything, his drinking is taking the joy out of it. I'm leaving him with everything he needs in terms of furniture, appliance etc but still feel so guilty, even though he has no guilt whatsoever for what he has put me through. Ive not even considered how it will feel once Ive gone, or what it means to be sepearated, one thing at a time, right?
Things I'm looking forward to: peace and quiet, no wasted food, home not stinking of cigarettes, home staying tidy, shopping for new furniture!!!
Things I'm not looking forward to: missing him/worrying about him/waking up in a new community on my own
TC xx
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Old 03-12-2017, 11:03 AM
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sausageand mash...sounds , to me, like you have gotten your priorities straight and are being realistic! If you keep going forward and taking care of your own welfare...it will all fall into place, given time.....
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Old 03-12-2017, 11:24 AM
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Sounds like we are in similar boats. Though I'm a bit jealous that you are moving into a house. I'm going to go from a beautiful house to a dumpy apartment as a cheap short term plan. I will see where the next few months take us and go from there.

We both need to accept that we cannot change our spouses. Mine does express guilt about what he has done and expresses desire to stop drinking. His actions just speak louder than words (i.e.- I don't feel like he is taking significant steps towards changing anything).

Here is to hoping our new found single lives are freeing and filled with happiness!
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Old 03-12-2017, 11:57 AM
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TY both. Just re read my post and it makes me sound very shallow in that Ive put so much emphasis on the house! Its not that, its just that it represents a fresh start, I wouldnt have made AH homeless so this is a compromise. He does say he wants to get help, makes appointments but doesnt keep them. He lurches from one unpaid bill to the next and Ive been keeping him for all this time, paying off bailiffs etc, okay only once but it was very recently. He is reasonable to live with for about ten days at a time, then goes sliding back to morning drinking then back to bed for the entire day, not washing/eating etc. He usually gets up to go in search of beer when I get into bed. I am sure this story is familiar to a lot of you, and I'm sorry that's the case.
Batchel when are you moving? How are you feeling? GOOD LUCK!
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Old 03-12-2017, 01:38 PM
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I don't think you sounded shallow, I think you sounded normal....even healthy! Normal people do look forward to those kind of things. Even expect it. Living for so long with an alcoholic and steeped in codependency, we lose sight of how much we are giving up and how clouded our vision has become.
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Old 03-12-2017, 02:17 PM
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SAM,
That sounds awesome. Since you are married, make sure that you have spoken to your lawyer about the house in your name. You are married and I would hate for him to get 1/2 the house when/if you divorce. I am not sure how that works, but protect yourself at all costs.

Good for you for making it a fresh start. All us codies give so many chances to our addicts and we live off of "hope". But slowly that hope disappears, that there will ever be a happy ever after for us.

Congratulations!!! Keep us in the loop on your next adventures!!
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Old 03-12-2017, 03:36 PM
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There is also the very real possibility that if he is on a bender and chooses to drink and drive, that you are also liable since you are married. Something to consider.
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Old 03-12-2017, 03:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Sotiredofitall View Post
There is also the very real possibility that if he is on a bender and chooses to drink and drive, that you are also liable since you are married. Something to consider.
Thank you, Ive never heard of that here in the UK, but ill look into it.
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Old 03-12-2017, 03:59 PM
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Thank you Maia, lawers seem so serious at this stage but yes, something Ill think about, Im so pressed for time at the minute with one thing or another...i work full time and study full time too, I honestly dont know how ive coped with things the way they are with him. One things for sure, this move is going to be heartbreaking and so so difficult..but then my current life is heartbreaking and so so difficult. Its just so sad, I love him so much and want him to be better/well. Putting my own health and happiness is now paramount but Im going to miss him and worry so badly. Im hoping to still see him and support him without but on my own terms.
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Old 03-12-2017, 04:14 PM
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SausandM. (A brit? - not prying) you do not read over as shallow. You come across as someone who wants safety, a concept of normal life and a little peace. I hope all goes well. In your last few weeks where you are- remember to stay safe.
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Old 03-12-2017, 07:49 PM
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Super excited for you! I remember that feeling of freedom. Yes, it will be heartbreaking but you are writing a new story for yourself. I did the same thing a few years ago. Just remember to take care of YOU!
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Old 03-13-2017, 05:38 AM
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Originally Posted by PhoenixJ View Post
SausandM. (A brit? - not prying) you do not read over as shallow. You come across as someone who wants safety, a concept of normal life and a little peace. I hope all goes well. In your last few weeks where you are- remember to stay safe.
Yes, Im a Brit
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Old 03-13-2017, 05:48 AM
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We have a lot of Brits, here, on the forum......
We are quite international......
(I am a Virginian).....
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Old 03-13-2017, 07:23 AM
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Am a Brit too. Well Yorkshire which I think should be it's own country
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