Iv left AH and thankyou!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 14
Iv left AH and thankyou!
Hi all
I left my AH 3 weeks ago after just a year and a half of marriage. I would tell all of my story,however iv read pretty much the same over and over on this site,so i know i dont actually need to explain!
He went to his first aa meeting 6 months ago,i believed he had stayed sober during this time,however we dont/didnt live together (yeh thats a whole different story!) and have suspected on a few occasions he has been drinking. The night of 13th feb i had a midnight text (or quack as i now know they are called!) he was clearly drunk. He hadnt been to a meeting in 2 months,as he didnt drink every day,just benders every few months so wasnt as bad as them.....yes as i now know,another quack!
I didnt respond to his ''babe were done,i cant cope with your ******** life anymore'' nor his 2 day later message of ''im so sorry i dont know why i said what i said,i was confused''. I responded with silence. Until last saturday when i got the usual barrage of abuse...,im a cheat,im a liar,fat cu*t (uk size 8 really?!hahaha). All i messaged back was ''quack quack'' and he flipped his poop haha!
The next contact he will receive from me is divorce papers in approx 6 weeks,im off the crazy merry go round thank the Lord
And now for the ''thankyou'' in my title. To all of you that post,the friends/family and A's that made me see that i cannot do this anymore. Iv read stories from ppl that have lived this for years....and the sheer thought made my blood run cold.Good God im 48, I cant do it,i wont do it. And its thanks to all of your posts that i finally realised he wont change unless he wants to....he clearly doesnt. He wants to keep his own little bolthole for his benders instead of building a future with me.
I read the quackers threads....lordy lordy how many mental boxes was i ticking,far to many to count. Iv educated myself on this site endlessly and i finally found the guts to say enough is enough. I will not be taking him back,ever.
So thankyou all,for educating me,for giving me strength and wisdom,for showing me what my life would be like,and mostly for the peace of mind i now have in that i did the right thing.
Bless you all and i hope you all find your peace too,thankyou
I left my AH 3 weeks ago after just a year and a half of marriage. I would tell all of my story,however iv read pretty much the same over and over on this site,so i know i dont actually need to explain!
He went to his first aa meeting 6 months ago,i believed he had stayed sober during this time,however we dont/didnt live together (yeh thats a whole different story!) and have suspected on a few occasions he has been drinking. The night of 13th feb i had a midnight text (or quack as i now know they are called!) he was clearly drunk. He hadnt been to a meeting in 2 months,as he didnt drink every day,just benders every few months so wasnt as bad as them.....yes as i now know,another quack!
I didnt respond to his ''babe were done,i cant cope with your ******** life anymore'' nor his 2 day later message of ''im so sorry i dont know why i said what i said,i was confused''. I responded with silence. Until last saturday when i got the usual barrage of abuse...,im a cheat,im a liar,fat cu*t (uk size 8 really?!hahaha). All i messaged back was ''quack quack'' and he flipped his poop haha!
The next contact he will receive from me is divorce papers in approx 6 weeks,im off the crazy merry go round thank the Lord
And now for the ''thankyou'' in my title. To all of you that post,the friends/family and A's that made me see that i cannot do this anymore. Iv read stories from ppl that have lived this for years....and the sheer thought made my blood run cold.Good God im 48, I cant do it,i wont do it. And its thanks to all of your posts that i finally realised he wont change unless he wants to....he clearly doesnt. He wants to keep his own little bolthole for his benders instead of building a future with me.
I read the quackers threads....lordy lordy how many mental boxes was i ticking,far to many to count. Iv educated myself on this site endlessly and i finally found the guts to say enough is enough. I will not be taking him back,ever.
So thankyou all,for educating me,for giving me strength and wisdom,for showing me what my life would be like,and mostly for the peace of mind i now have in that i did the right thing.
Bless you all and i hope you all find your peace too,thankyou
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
What an inspiring post...I'm just sorry it was necessary for you to go through this.
Good for you for reclaiming your life and your sanity! May you find peace and happiness in your new and exciting life.
Sending you a hug.
Good for you for reclaiming your life and your sanity! May you find peace and happiness in your new and exciting life.
Sending you a hug.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 14
Thank you! Im actually feeling very relieved and...i dont know,healthy? Im a little bored as im on my own (kids are older and always out lol) but my friends and family have been amazing! Im very close to his sister,she's been an absolute rock so i have lots of support
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
LOL, wow, well, sounds like you've done your homework, and are ready to move on!
Feeling like you made a mistake, early on in a marriage, sucks, but not nearly as much as staying for more! I left my second husband less than a year after we married, for similar reasons (though he never actually called me names or anything--he was just basically a useless dead weight dragging me down). I am thankful every day that I left when I did.
Hope you will stick around--congrats on your new life!
Feeling like you made a mistake, early on in a marriage, sucks, but not nearly as much as staying for more! I left my second husband less than a year after we married, for similar reasons (though he never actually called me names or anything--he was just basically a useless dead weight dragging me down). I am thankful every day that I left when I did.
Hope you will stick around--congrats on your new life!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 14
Yeh i deffo cant stay for more,yikes i broke out in a sweat thinking about it!
I will def stick around,if i can help one person,even if its just in a small way then i will be thrilled. You guys have helped me so much,i have to give something back
Good on you for leaving too!
I will def stick around,if i can help one person,even if its just in a small way then i will be thrilled. You guys have helped me so much,i have to give something back
Good on you for leaving too!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 30
This place is life saver, isn't it? I posted a similar story a few months ago. After 15 years of marriage (ughh), my divorce was final today! Yay! I was just in the kitchen making myself a cup of tea and I realized how good I felt. The house is so peaceful without his drama and rage.
Congrats on discovering clarity. Congrats for figuring things out way sooner than I did.
Please stick around and share. As you've discovered, there is healing power in sharing and listening.
Congrats on discovering clarity. Congrats for figuring things out way sooner than I did.
Please stick around and share. As you've discovered, there is healing power in sharing and listening.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
juju, I'm so glad you were able to use the information, experience and wisdom on this site to figure out your own situation and take action promptly instead of waiting around for years while you got more and more worn down, put down, worn out, and generally messed up.
garnet, I'm glad you were able to see your way clear and make your own changes, too.
Kudos to both of you--hoping you keep us posted on what life holds for you in the days to come!
garnet, I'm glad you were able to see your way clear and make your own changes, too.
Kudos to both of you--hoping you keep us posted on what life holds for you in the days to come!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 42
Amazing!! I am so happy you found the strength to leave! I am looking for similar strength, but I'm not quite at that point yet. I hope to be at that point soon, if my AH doesn't get better. We have also been married for a short period of time (less than 10 months) and almost every day has been hell 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 182
Way to go Juju and also I'm sorry. : ) My age was a factor in my decision to separate and pursue divorce. I'll turn 50 this year and this past summer when some drunken drama and quacking was happening, I just thought "I cannot be a 50 year old person living with someone that treats me this way. If I stay, that means I've learned almost nothing in my life." That's just how I felt. You really did a fantastic job of educating yourself Juju.
And congratulations Garnet from your fellow Texan! I remember reading a post from you when I first joined SR. I just made my morning cup of tea and was thinking about how peaceful things are in the house. I'm not divorced yet, but turning in my inventory to the attorney today.
Have a good weekend everyone!
And congratulations Garnet from your fellow Texan! I remember reading a post from you when I first joined SR. I just made my morning cup of tea and was thinking about how peaceful things are in the house. I'm not divorced yet, but turning in my inventory to the attorney today.
Have a good weekend everyone!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by musiclady14 
Way to go, juju! I'm leaving with my 3 children on Monday. We all deserve respect, love, kindness and a partner who isn't drunk, abusive and checked out. Hugs and best wishes to you! ❤
I'm so happy when I hear and feel the strength other's have and share. The courage to be the one who left the abuse. And oh my goodness your leaving with children. That is a shining example for me ( I have no kids involved ; luckily my son is 18) - the strength and courage you have!!!.... Blessings to you!!
I often wonder what do I need to do to get that strength for the future or what was wrong with me? Why did I endure (the non physical abuse) - the silent torture and torment for so long.
STBXAH abandon me( which I have been told was a blessing for me)
I could never get the courage to leave him. I always had that overwhelming feeling of pity for him.
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