help
 

Lost contempt motion for STBXAH non compliance of temp support today. STBXAH submitted fraudulent paycheck stubs and financial affidavit ; STBXAH bank statements showed overdrafts every month and 20 or more trips to ABC liquor store each month....
So now I have to wait for the subpoenas from his employer , bank acct etc. He lied under oath and in my face , STBXAH told judge I put him out the home.
STBXAH complained to the judge that it looks like I have a haircut ??, therefore I have a better financial situation than him because he has to cut his own hair! WHAT!!! STBXAH just sat laughing when he heard my motion was denied.
The judge however advised him to get a lawyer " you may have won the battle today but not the war ; the law is the law when it comes to equitable distribution" STBXAH said he would if he could afford it like I obviously can...
I'm so lost .. the mediator told STBXAH to get an attny, the judge told STBXAH it would be in his best interest to get an attny ....
I have an attny and I lost today. I'm in a never ending nightmare .. And what did I do? Work , college at night ,maintained family home and the family needs... Put My credit on the line etc .. I tolerated the excessive drinking for 10 years ....
He walked out because I said I had enough of his drinking , late nights at the bar , etc
I'm back to square one and I can't stop my tears right now. Financially I'm going to be ruined. Not to mention the strength it takes every day to go on knowing a alcoholic abandon me. I can handle this right now.

No, you are not going to be "financially ruined." As the judge said, this is not the war. Basically, the judge is giving him a chance to get his sh*t together or, alternatively, to dig himself a deeper hole. Looks to me like the judge saw right through him.

Keep breathing. This is one court hearing. The judge won't have patience with this for long, I'm betting.

STBXAH wont agree to let me sale either of the 4 vehicles , STBXAH wont make the payment on these vehicles ...its one road block after another for me ;;; i'm trying to survive. He left me with all our bills and I can't even get him to make the payment on one of the vehicles.. he is winning as Pro Se...this is so sad

He's not "winning"--he won a single motion, that's all. If he continues to not follow the order, file another motion. Lots of judges will give someone one bite at the apple, but that's it. When they feel that their lenience is being abused, they can turn around and take it out in spades.

Try to get some sleep.

Have you informed the judge about the problem with the cars? I'd suggest talking to your lawyer about filing a motion allowing you to sell two or three of the cars, with any profit from the sale to be held pending further proceedings. At least then you wouldn't be responsible for making payments on the cars. It stops some of the bleeding.

It's gonna be OK, really. This is early on, and if his actions or inactions cost you money, you can be compensated for that when the judge does the equitable distribution. That's supposed to take into account things like individual contributions to acquisition of property.

I hope this helps
 

Don't think that you were left alone. Think that you were spared from being the one that left him. Things will change, the way you think, the people who are important to you, the things you do. Sometimes these changes bring us new and wonderful things. I wish all of that for you. I was married once to a man that was an addict but not the conventional type. I eventually left him. It was hard and I felt like I failed him. Today I know that I did what was best for me and him. You will be better than good in the end.

Big, big hug! This hurts so much but it will get better. Keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other.

how could I be so dumb!! a alcoholic who had nothing when we met is taking me down... I did everything I could for this man and he has no responsibility for anything? He is so angry and volatile at me. I have no reason to lie ..(He left me ) I'm so a shame of that but its the true fact. I asked him to go to counseling , I asked him to work with me on fixing the marriage. He declined and went out and got him a chick from one of the bars he frequents. Someone more on his level since we were not happy , his words not-mine (lol) I'm so lost .. what was I suppose to do? Not divorce him? Wait for him to figure out the grass aint greener? I can't believe the lies he tells. He says I canceled his car insurance.. I have a text where I texted him saying if he does not pay the car insurance on time .. he needs to get his own
( the car insurance was automatically deducted from my acct on the and he would maybe pay his part 5 to 10 days later ) that was not fair... he sent me a text in bold letters saying " cancel the Sh** he would get his own insurance" so I did as instructed.. Was I wrong? . ... he says since everything is in my name its not his problem...
a day later and I'm still in shock .. how could I be so stupid?

Smi,
Deep breaths my friend. I know this is so hard, but you are working on getting away from his circus. It is a lot of pain and hurt, but keep posting and venting, it does help. You loved this man and he is very sick.

I agree with lexie, the judge is throwing him a bone, he will not be so nice in the future. Stay your course, do what is right and move forward, even if it is baby steps. Big bear hugs to you. You will eventually get out of this mess, just be a little more patient.

Every time I think I'm getting better and over this disappointment.. Here he comes with the angry bird syndrome. This person has convinced himself he is not wrong and I should just let him walk away from all the marital debt. I'm so close to giving up and just say forget it. I can't take anymore . I've lost the emotional piece (my marriage) why not lose financially . After all it was my mistake for allowing everything in my name.

i'm so tired !!! he claims he has no money to help pay the marital bills but posting pictures of him and his new girl friend at the fair, comedy shows etc

I guess my take away is it WAS me ... STBXAH is doing all the things with his new girl .... all the things I tried to get him off the couch and do with me
so I have to accept it was me ,,, he didn't love me

Stop looking at that crap. You know it's a lie.

Listen to the posters here...they know the court game inside and out. Get some rest, take care of you, and oh hell to the no giving up and taking all the debt on. No, just no.

Him leaving you will someday feel like a good thing. You will have much less guilt and second-guessing. But right now it all sucks scissors.

Ice cream and a nap.

And a lot of hugs, sent your way.

P.S. Here read this...this can be you...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-year-ago.html

And honey? I would bet an appendage he'll be back parked and drunk on her couch in a month...and that he'll be blaming her.

sorry if i'm missing something, but if the cars are in your name, why can't you sell them?

i know it all seems horribly unfair right now.....the legal system is what it is and for as much of a complete dickwad as HE is, he is being given a chance to get his own legal counsel and return to court with more complete information, before a determination is made. i see that chance as more of a warning if you will.......

take some deep deep breaths. don't see this as defeat, see it as the first hurdle. if he did present fraudulent paperwork, that will be exposed once the subpoenaed documents are acquired. the math won't work.

listen to lexie!! i'm just spouting off my musings!

Saving me, it sounds like he did you the biggest favour of your life, it isn't about you, it is about him not being good enough for you. Onwards and upwards x what he is doing with his new girl, knowing him as you do, will be temporary.
I know I'm new here so hope I'm not intruding but keep holding your head high, and in agreeance with Maia stay your course x keep fighting but keep breathing too and take a step back, emotionally if you can, look at it as a business transaction now, you deserve to not be ripped off.

I can't breathe , the panic attacks are back. I can't live like this ...

AnvilheadII

sorry if i'm missing something, but if the cars are in your name, why can't you sell them?


because the vehicle's were purchased during the marriage they are marital property so I can't do anything with marital property unless we have an agreement or judge order. And I have neither , so I have been making the payments by myself for over a year now....( How can he be so cruel )

Here's a number I found you can call to talk to someone IRL..

1-800-273-8255

It's a suicide prevention hotline but it says specifically for anyone in emotional crisis.

Call them, please?

If you are in crisis, I suggest calling a crisis hotline or making an emergency appointment with a therapist.

Rationally, you are no worse off than you were day before yesterday. You were hoping that the motion would set everything right immediately, but it turns out you will have to wait a little longer, that's all. You're blowing this one event into a representation of your entire life.

This WILL all get resolved, you WILL be OK when it's all over. I know the process is slow and frustrating. There's no way through it but through it.

Hugs,

thank you LexieCat , im not in that kind of crisis..
But I do feel like I'm still in the same box - him banging my head against the walls ( no he has never hit me)
I feel like I should have just kept quiet not put my foot down regarding the drinking because I'm no better off . Actually financially I'm worse and he is partying every weekend. I'm not focusing on what he is doing. I'm just pointing out the difference in our circumstance which came about - by me sitting boundaries and putting my foot down.

savingme....Yes, if you use 20/20 hindsight....you would have done a lot of things differently......However, we know that we can't undo history....and history won't change itself....
I know that you want fairness and justice.....but, sometimes, life is unfair...especially, in the short term....
In the big picture, don't forget that everything has a consequence.

***In other news...I am not a lawyer....but, I am not sure that the courts are set up for emotional and moral justice as much as it is set up for tangible things...like property rights and legal rights......