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Letting go and acceptance

Old 03-12-2017, 10:14 AM
  # 61 (permalink)  
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Totally up to you. I furnished my first post-divorce apartment mostly on stuff I picked up second-hand (this was before CraigsList). It was just fine. As time went on I was able to pick up nicer furniture and stuff.

Maybe one of your friends could throw you a "breakup shower." Let people know their extra stuff would have a good home. I've helped out friends that way.
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Old 03-12-2017, 10:18 AM
  # 62 (permalink)  
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Yes, he is drinking. Someone who didn't know about our break up called and said they saw him at a bar early morning yesterday
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Old 03-12-2017, 10:22 AM
  # 63 (permalink)  
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It sounds like you are getting more used to the idea of letting go when you said "I think I should give all this up and be done" you are getting there...it just takes time. The only person you can change is you. Envision yourself in your own place living a peaceful life without this toxic person bringing you down. You can create a life for yourself that you are happy and content with. Making that statement could be the first step toward that!
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Old 03-12-2017, 10:36 AM
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So see ...you are not the cause of his drinking...he's drinking on his own without you in the picture. He's a quacker! He is going to do what he is going to do ...he's not living a sober life without you. He sounds manipulative and wants you to think that. He may even try to sabotage your moving out process. Don't let him.
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Old 03-12-2017, 10:41 AM
  # 65 (permalink)  
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He even called my landlord and asked for the deposit back. He refused.
Thing is, he has NEVER been like this. Even when he drank a bottle. he'd simply pass out. I don't know how he is saying and doing all these things.
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Old 03-12-2017, 10:44 AM
  # 66 (permalink)  
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I'm not trying to tell you what to do...only you can make that choice. We can offer suggestions and that is all. I realize my post earlier when I said you need to...sounded kind of like I was telling you what to do and I apologize for that. I always hate when people start sentences with "you need to..." makes me want to do the opposite! Lol
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Old 03-12-2017, 10:47 AM
  # 67 (permalink)  
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He is being manipulative. Trying to control you. To keep you down.If he knows the deposit money will help you to move on he is going to try to keep it. He can try all he wants ...you are entitled to half of the deposit at the very least. Are you on the lease with him? The landlord was right in refusing to give it to him. Stay strong.
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Old 03-12-2017, 10:55 AM
  # 68 (permalink)  
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Ituvia....You came between him and his drinking. That, automatically, makes you an "enemy". Anyone or anything that comes between an alcoholic and their drinking is viewed as such.......
You are grieving hence your pain)...and, he is angry.....hence his "nastiness"

You two can keep this conflict over the stuff going on forever......it is a way of hanging onto the relationship (a toxic way).......
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Old 03-12-2017, 10:58 AM
  # 69 (permalink)  
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There are "legal rights" and there is the practical benefit of simply moving on. It all boils down to how much real estate this is going to take up in your head. I think you have a legal claim to a portion of the property in the apartment. But not every legal claim has to be enforced. That's why lawsuits are settled.

If it would give you more peace to move on, then move on and let him have "his" crap. OTOH, if walking away would eat you alive that you let him have it all, take what is fair and let him throw his tantrums. If he harasses you or your family, file a complaint for harassment. Let him take you to court over the stuff. There's no "right" or "wrong" solution here, just what's best for you.
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Old 03-13-2017, 08:02 PM
  # 70 (permalink)  
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In my country, it's a long process when people are not married plus it's really not accepted in the society. Anyway, he called my dad and asked HIM to send the security deposit. My dad's turning 60 in a few months and he really doesn't need this sh*t. It's moving day today so I asked XABF to send the packers and movers for "his stuff". His reply, "I am down with fever and stomach ulcers, not sure if I can take it today" :/
It's the first time I am moving without him in five years. It's like my heart is literally on fire. I don't even know where I am emotionally but just going along.
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Old 03-13-2017, 09:38 PM
  # 71 (permalink)  
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Moving and break ups together . . . . really hard stuff. They often go together.

Ituvia, this is one step closer to healing. Just keep moving inspite of the heartache.
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Old 03-13-2017, 10:07 PM
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When we moved in, we had so many hopes and dreams and as I pack, I have such a sense of loss. Not able to pack or deal with it. It's just so hard. I just miss him so much.
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Old 03-14-2017, 02:07 AM
  # 73 (permalink)  
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Ituvia.....MusicLady has a thread, right now, that you should read....she just got moved a few hours ago...it will give you some inspiration. She is leaving her husband and home....she had to move children, horses, goats and chickens....plus other household stuff.
She shared that she had been crying non-stop while she was in the packing stage.....
You will identify with her, a lot, I think....
I say to keep crying and packing....just keep going in the forward direction....
This is all a part of grieving a heartbreak...which we all do understand.....
Take it one day at a time.....
think in terms of enduring the short-term pain....as it is going to get better, and you will feel differently, as time goes on.....
It requires patience and faith in yourself....because this doesn't just all disappear, overnight....
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Old 03-14-2017, 05:03 AM
  # 74 (permalink)  
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Isn't that the way it always is? I don't think I have ever seen a couple, (myself included), who are newly moving in together who doesn't have a lot of plans for their future...so much hope and dreams to be fulfilled....
But, as the future unfolds, and the dreams don't come to fruition, I think that, even more than the actual person, the loss of the dreams that we invested ourselves in become the source of our greatest pain...and mourning....
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Old 03-14-2017, 06:10 AM
  # 75 (permalink)  
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Yes, I can't believe this is where I am. And he is coming tomorrow to take the stuff. I thought he asked my dad all of those things when he was drunk but apparently, even when sober all he could think about is his stuff. That's the last thing on my mind. I feel so f*cked up.
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Old 03-14-2017, 07:59 PM
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Now his packers and movers canceled so I have to wait till Saturday.
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Old 03-15-2017, 04:24 AM
  # 77 (permalink)  
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This drama over the stuff can drag out for a long time....
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Old 03-15-2017, 04:33 AM
  # 78 (permalink)  
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Dandylion, you know I got a call from him at midnight. Of course, he is blocked so it doesn't ring but shows up in blocked calls. I sent him a message saying, I am letting him go and I can't talk because I am getting out of the way and leaving him to the universe and apologized for hitting him when he was drunk. He replied saying he forgave me long back(gasp) and that he is going to *couple of meetings a week* close to his place(He works till late at night and there are no meetings in the mornings) and that he found a track and field trainer. Says he will be fine but is having sleepless nights thinking about all the hugs and kisses and the travel where we did as free spirits. Baloney. This is two days after he threatened my father about some money that I apparently owe him. It's like listening Jekyll and Hyde. I feel sad, yes but I am also seeing these signs. They are subconscious manipulation, methinks. He is not even doing it deliberately.
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Old 03-15-2017, 04:42 AM
  # 79 (permalink)  
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Ituvia...yes, I think that the instinct is to protect their own needs, without considering the effects of their actions on others.
The alcoholic mind is not a clear mind...
It is also easy to say sweet things that will draw you back into the vortex......
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Old 03-15-2017, 04:49 AM
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He doesn't want me back. He just said those things and asked to forgive him too and signed off.
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