No Response
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Here's another thought, my friend:
Being with an active addict is like being with someone who cheats on you or is having a long standing affair. And sometimes there is also infidelity as well as substance addiction. They are still with you, but part of them is NOT with you; it's with the other person; the other 'thing'. So, you don't get the whole person and that in turn prevents you from being whole. Addicts are married to their addiction. To top it off, he bad-mouths you and that really hurts and tears you down no matter how 'tough' you are and how you do your best to withstand it. No matter how much you tell yourself it's just words and doesn't really mean anything. It hurts when someone you love bad mouths you. It just does. And it hurts when others might be buying into what he says about you. You've got to take yourself out of the line of fire so you don't keep having wounds inflicted on you before you can truly start to heal. Is any of this easy. Hell no. Not even. But being repetitively wounded is bad too.
Now here is a big giant healing hug sent your way.....
Being with an active addict is like being with someone who cheats on you or is having a long standing affair. And sometimes there is also infidelity as well as substance addiction. They are still with you, but part of them is NOT with you; it's with the other person; the other 'thing'. So, you don't get the whole person and that in turn prevents you from being whole. Addicts are married to their addiction. To top it off, he bad-mouths you and that really hurts and tears you down no matter how 'tough' you are and how you do your best to withstand it. No matter how much you tell yourself it's just words and doesn't really mean anything. It hurts when someone you love bad mouths you. It just does. And it hurts when others might be buying into what he says about you. You've got to take yourself out of the line of fire so you don't keep having wounds inflicted on you before you can truly start to heal. Is any of this easy. Hell no. Not even. But being repetitively wounded is bad too.
Now here is a big giant healing hug sent your way.....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
As a recovering alcoholic I'd interpret his non-response as believing he is incapable of quitting alcohol. Or, that he believes he needs it more than family. What's obvious to the non-alcoholic -- that he's destroying his life and those who love him -- he doesn't get. What astonishes people in early recovery is being told: "you don't have to drink today." HUH? It never occurred to them.
You're talking to a disease, not the person you think you know.
You're talking to a disease, not the person you think you know.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 75
Originally Posted by Madbird 
I remember when still drinking and faced with any sort of loss, like a relationship, all I could think about was how much it hurt ME and how much I needed that pain to stop. My solution was to desperately go to that "not feel anything" place by drinking even more. To just shut down and not think about it and completely numb myself as much as possible.
Although when I did lose my job back then, I was more relieved than anything, because that was one thing that interfered with my drinking the most.
Because alcohol was the only solution I knew at the time, the thought of giving it up would have been the same as the thought of stopping breathing. Incomprehensible.
When I did finally stop drinking the first time, I was also resigned to my life being over. (I did find out how untrue that was eventually.)
Years later when I got involved with a drinking alcoholic while I was sober, I had the same feelings of seeing him like a lost little boy trapped in his addiction and I had a hard time letting go and "getting it" that there was nothing I could do to get him sober.
Although when I did lose my job back then, I was more relieved than anything, because that was one thing that interfered with my drinking the most.
Because alcohol was the only solution I knew at the time, the thought of giving it up would have been the same as the thought of stopping breathing. Incomprehensible.
When I did finally stop drinking the first time, I was also resigned to my life being over. (I did find out how untrue that was eventually.)
Years later when I got involved with a drinking alcoholic while I was sober, I had the same feelings of seeing him like a lost little boy trapped in his addiction and I had a hard time letting go and "getting it" that there was nothing I could do to get him sober.
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