musiclady14

So I've posted previously that my kids and I are leaving my AH in a week. It has been 7.5 years to arrive at this point. Challenging journey.

Why is this so hard?! I know this is the only option at this point. But when I talk to him about the terms of our separation agreement, I just want to cry. It's so difficult to talk business about a marriage. We also had 'surprise' triplet goats born on our farm this evening, which brings us together to make sure things go smoothly. Just like old times. It always seems like baby goats enter the picture when we're farthest apart in our relationship. Time and time again. And today I told him the exact date we're leaving. So he was on really good behaviour and reaching out to us, but also over-drinking to numb the emotions. I just want to hug him and make everything ok again. I want the man I married to come back. That's not realistic, I know, but it's how I feel.

Just needed to vent. I know this is all part of the process but...😢

Maudcat

You will feel better after you move. your husband is on his journey. You and the children are on yours. Addiction is a hard, hard thing. Sometimes all we can do is save ourselves.

AnvilheadII

So he was on really good behaviour and reaching out to us, but also over-drinking

you mean drinking, period. doesn't matter if it was one beer or a bottle of jack......when the reason WHY his family has to leave is because they can no longer tolerate living with him when he drinks......that he still DRINKS is so very telling.

i can only imagine the arrival of the triplets had to be a marvel and brought everyone together. those are such sweet tender moments. and i'm sure you want to scream....can you do it for the goats??? for us? can't you SEE?

this is a sad time. i wish i could give YOU a hug.

dandylion

musiclady....this is hard, I know....go ahead and cry...you are entitled to these emotions. Just keep going...
sometimes, the right thing to do is , also, the hardest.....

Congratulations on the triplets!!

Westexy

Hugs to you Musiclady. It is so so difficult. I am getting sad almost every time I see my husband now. I get sad because now I see him sober because he has to be sober to see our son and it makes me desperately miss the person that I knew for most of our time together, my best friend. Something that is good about this sadness and the tears though is that my tears now are truly only sadness, not tears of panic or desperation or fear - just sadness. And I can live with that.

LexieCat

It just IS hard. It's hard no matter how necessary it is.

As you said, it's part of the process. There will be happier days ahead. Just gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other right now.

Hugs!

Bekindalways

It is so so so incredibly hard . . . it has been decades since that time for me but I still remember.

Keep breathing and posting Musiclady.

FeelingGreat

Just because you are doing the necessary thing for you and your children, doesn't mean you don't have feelings for him. That's natural for many women, and I felt it myself, very strongly, when I left my husband (not an A).

To reframe it, you are allowing him to make his choices on his life's journey. I'm sure he understands the reason why you're leaving, and also that there are recovery options out there if he wants to look.

He may not choose recovery, but as an adult he must live with the consequences.

honeypig

musiclady, on the day XAH and I finalized our divorce, as we drove home from the courthouse, we came upon some people trying to help a big turtle who was trying to cross a 4-lane highway very near where we lived. Being familiar w/the area, we took over and got him to a pond where he could be safe. When I posted here about it, people told me that the turtle had meaning for me and to look into "turtle spirit animal" to see what it meant. I did, and the message was one I needed to hear right then. Since then, I try to take notice of recurring or unusual animal encounters and google them to see if there might be a deeper meaning for me.

I took a quick look at "goat spirit animal" and found this:
It is letting you know that this is a time to begin new climbs and new endeavors. Take your time and plan your course. Look closely at what is ahead so that you can be surefooted along your course. This animal can also be letting you know that perhaps its time to stretch and reach for new heights. Are your goals high enough? Do you deserve more?

Alternatively this creature can be letting you know that you have to trust your own ability to land on your feet. Having faith in yourself and your own abilities is a very powerful tool that is available to you at all times. Move forward one step at a time.

There's more here Goat Symbolism - Spirit Animal Totems and Messages and here http://totemtalk.ning.com/group/g/fo.../goat-mountain for starters. Those goats have been showing up for a reason...

maia1234

Ml,
You don't have to stop loving you ah, you just need some time apart. What you have been doing for years is not working. You are changing so maybe the next phase for him will work. Always protect yourself and kids, at all cost.

Maybe this will be the life changer, it wasn't for my ah, but you could be different. You can still love him from a distance. Hugs, I know it hurts.

SmallButMighty

Musiclady, I just want to give you a hug and lend you some strength.

I know how very hard, painful and scary it is.

Lots of deep breaths. You got this.