Ladybird579

You don't stop caring about someone because they are sick whether it's alcohol or cancer.

There is a difference tho. He is sick cos he chooses not to recover, People with cancer have no choice. I think you are enabling him a lot and you are codependent even tho you say you are living your own life. I'd not dream of trying to get my exah to see a doctor or buy his groceries etc. How he lives is his own choice and he is how he is cos he chooses not to recover. I know he is seriously ill thru his drinking yet again at the moment ( son told me) but I am NC with him and will stay that way.

suncatcher

Ladybird I do understand where you are coming from. I don't buy his groceries I use his food card sometimes to get him the ensure shakes. Rarely. Yes at the moment he is choosing not to recover. He may never make that choice. We were never married. I don't live with him. He's someone I care about and choose to see on my terms. So alcoholics shouldn't have any friends at all? I do get your viewpoint and respect your opinion but I don't feel I'm enabling him by buying ensure with his food card once in a while. If I was buying him his case of beer every day that would be enabling. I do respect your choice to remain NC with your ex. Perhaps if I had been married to mine I would be NC also.

Ladybird579

Am not saying he shouldn't have any friends but he was once your boyfriend. Your relationship went to friends cos of his drinking. It is different to if you were only ever just friends.

suncatcher

Yes I do understand. I am involved and at the moment I'm choosing to be involved whether that's good or bad. I'm in the process of doing some self examination. I'm finding it helpful to read and reflect here and it just takes time. I know we are all on separate journies. Some are NC some are still in contact. We all have to do what feels comfortable. I admit sometimes it feels uncomfortable. That's why I'm back here trying to sort it out.

Jaeger

Suncatcher,

Just from reading your thread, you seem to understand the situation with your friend. I think as long as you stay aware of the situation and do not expect to plan a life with him, it is ok. If it seemed the relationship was holding you back and keeping you from pursuing your own dreams and future, that is where the problem would be.

The preamble to the Al-Anon steps says: Al-Anon has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps, by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics, and by giving understanding and encouragement to the alcoholic.

Just take care of yourself also!

suncatcher

Update on this old thread of mine: the old skin problem cleared up for a while. I went back to school to work on my RN degree and now the old skin problem is back again. Peeling hands, dry flaking skin everywhere. He is still drinking. I come and go and check in on him from time to time. Still care for him but it is so hard seeing him destroy himself. Reading my old posts tonight and finding some comfort here. Thank you for being here and for all your comments in the past that have helped me try to find peace.