Newly sober wife wants a divorce
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 7
Good for you for making a decision to go to an Al Anon meeting!!
They have been such a great help to me!
Learn and believe in the 3 C's
1.You didn't CAUSE it
2.You can't CONTROL it
3. You can't CURE it
You can learn to better yourself and work on healing your hurts.
Good luck- let us know how it goes!
They have been such a great help to me!
Learn and believe in the 3 C's
1.You didn't CAUSE it
2.You can't CONTROL it
3. You can't CURE it
You can learn to better yourself and work on healing your hurts.
Good luck- let us know how it goes!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,002
Dandy calls it the "free bleeding" phase; I call it the glow-in-the-dark-psychedelic-pain phase. Whatever you call it it is beyond, beyond excruciating. It has been decades and I still remember that pain.
Hang tough Qwerty. It does get better but not on a time schedule that anyone of us would choose.
I'm a chronic depressive so have had to work to keep going in my life more often than not. Keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other; if you don't feel you can stand then just try to crawl. Anything you do at this point in time is huge.
On bad days, I often set 3 tiny goals for myself and then do them. For example: floss, start a load of laundry and get a bag out of the car.
I still remember that time as one of the hardest in my entire life. Keep posting Qwerty.
Hang tough Qwerty. It does get better but not on a time schedule that anyone of us would choose.
I'm a chronic depressive so have had to work to keep going in my life more often than not. Keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other; if you don't feel you can stand then just try to crawl. Anything you do at this point in time is huge.
On bad days, I often set 3 tiny goals for myself and then do them. For example: floss, start a load of laundry and get a bag out of the car.
I still remember that time as one of the hardest in my entire life. Keep posting Qwerty.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 15
Haven't made it to al anon yet. Hard to just get out of the house. Keep sining down deeper. Want to feel hope, but I just don't see any. My brain knows all the things everyone has said. But I still end up thinking about the end.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
qwerty.....I hope you will push yourself to have more human contact. Any human contact.....as it will give you some "pieces" of relief.....
Will you go to the you-tube presentations that I mentioned? You don't have to leave the house for that.....
Will you go to the you-tube presentations that I mentioned? You don't have to leave the house for that.....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by Refiner 
I'll make you a "vue due" doll for only $5k USD!! LOL. (It wouldn't let me spell it correctly for some reason!)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 15
Just checking back in. I'm still alive, but it hasn't been easy. I feel so lost and alone still. My thoughts turn to suicide on a pretty regular basis. Can't believe that I am all alone at this point in my life. No job, no home, no friends. And the love of my life is so much happier now without me.
Not sure why I'm writing this here. Nothing much left to be said.
Not sure why I'm writing this here. Nothing much left to be said.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Well, if you're thinking suicide on a regular basis, that's more than ordinary grief (which is to be expected). Can you get a referral for some mental health treatment? Depression is no joke. You can build a wonderful NEW life for yourself, but you have to get the depression out of the way so you can see the possibilities.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
qwerty.....I am in agreement with Lexie on the need to seek some professional help.....
You do sound depressed...and depression can be treated....
Are you still isolating in the house?
How is it that you are unemployed?
Talk to us....
Lots of people, here, have been exactly where you are......
You do sound depressed...and depression can be treated....
Are you still isolating in the house?
How is it that you are unemployed?
Talk to us....
Lots of people, here, have been exactly where you are......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 15
I know I'm depressed. Just not sure if it's worth the fight anymore.
I tried moving to the island (Roatan) that I mentioned. I'm there now. But I'm still alone. Still missing her all the time. I tried a small Al Anon group here, but it didn't help.
I was laid off just before she left me (the same week).
It's our anniversary in a couple of weeks (Aug 22nd). Don't know how to deal with that at all.
I tried moving to the island (Roatan) that I mentioned. I'm there now. But I'm still alone. Still missing her all the time. I tried a small Al Anon group here, but it didn't help.
I was laid off just before she left me (the same week).
It's our anniversary in a couple of weeks (Aug 22nd). Don't know how to deal with that at all.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
qwerthy......I do understand how difficult the first anniversary is....and grieving is so painful.....I have been there, myself.....
But, you can't let the depression go....
Depression makes everything look and feel so negative.....
Remember that it is not a permanent thing.....
I will, now, give you a valuable pearl of information....
"Action first...then, feelings follow".....
Take yourself out of the house every day......and, get around people and something living.....I really don't care how you do it...just do it....
Go for a long walk until you get tired....go to a park and feed the pigeons or alligators.....cry while you do it, if that helps....go to a coffee shop and find someone to smile at....
Make an appointment to see someone...today. See the person today.....
If you can't find someone, right away....Go to a hospital and tell a doctor about how you are feeling....(there MUST be a hospital or some sort of medical facility, where you are).....
Push yourself....beat your own self with a stick if you have to....remember, action before feelings.....don't wait until you FEEL better to get help.....
Life is sacred and life is precious...it is not something that you can just throw away.
And, I am glad that you are posting....
Pleas keep doing so!
But, you can't let the depression go....
Depression makes everything look and feel so negative.....
Remember that it is not a permanent thing.....
I will, now, give you a valuable pearl of information....
"Action first...then, feelings follow".....
Take yourself out of the house every day......and, get around people and something living.....I really don't care how you do it...just do it....
Go for a long walk until you get tired....go to a park and feed the pigeons or alligators.....cry while you do it, if that helps....go to a coffee shop and find someone to smile at....
Make an appointment to see someone...today. See the person today.....
If you can't find someone, right away....Go to a hospital and tell a doctor about how you are feeling....(there MUST be a hospital or some sort of medical facility, where you are).....
Push yourself....beat your own self with a stick if you have to....remember, action before feelings.....don't wait until you FEEL better to get help.....
Life is sacred and life is precious...it is not something that you can just throw away.
And, I am glad that you are posting....
Pleas keep doing so!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by qwerty1029
I know I'm depressed. Just not sure if it's worth the fight anymore.
Many of us here have found ourselves pretty much starting over at some point, having lost someone dear to us. It takes time, but life DOES get better. We aren't just making that up.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 2
P.s Qwerty.Dont let her take you out.Stand up,alcoholics and addicts can be so selfish.Put yourself first,toughen up and get strong.You can be depressed, struggle and all of that,but don't let some selfish cow bring you down
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hi Catdog. I hope Qwerty is okay as well, although this is a bit of an old thread and I'm now sure he's around much any more.
I noticed that these were your first posts as a newcomer. Why not introduce yourself on a new thread and let people know what brings you here. People are always keen to help or support.
Anyway. Welcome.
BB
I noticed that these were your first posts as a newcomer. Why not introduce yourself on a new thread and let people know what brings you here. People are always keen to help or support.
Anyway. Welcome.
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 15
Just checking back in. Still here. Still trying to figure stuff out. Still hurts like a SOB. Bought some land here. Building a house.
Hate doing it alone. So many times I want to ask her what she thinks, what she would do.
Hate doing it alone. So many times I want to ask her what she thinks, what she would do.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 229
Originally Posted by qwerty1029
Thanks for the thoughts everyone. Spent an hour in tears at the therapist yesterday. But it helped to talk. I only have the one friend I can really talk to about this. She is coming over tomorrow to see me and talk. That will help as well I hope.
Once you start working again, you will have less time to dwell on the current circumstances. It is also better in the long run if your wife works on herself. Mourn what was, the old marriage, that marriage was not working so well, there could well be an opportunity to build a new one but you have to do the work also.
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