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feeling alone

Old 11-18-2001, 10:50 AM
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mjna
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I am new here i ame because of many reasons my sister has been clean for four years i feel i have always thought of my self as her partner. i bought her a computer so that she could go to online groups when she couldn't go to AA. but i find it hard that this time she doesen't need me anymore. I have this ache to always make things better for her maybe because i feel guilty that my life is better i am sure i am going about this the wrong way but there isn't that many groups for sisters and i am not sure how to support her with out seeming that she needs to comfort me.
 
Old 11-18-2001, 11:28 AM
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Debbie
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hello and welcome.
feeling lost seems to go along pretty well with the territory of being in a relationship with a substance abuser. i had a very hard time with letting go and focusing on myself. what i found that i had to do was to delve deeply into my own psyche through counseling and support groups, as well as do something i hadn't done much of before...find something that i wanted to do with the rest of my life. mothers, fathers, kids, ex-husband...they all occupied my thoughts and actions. i didn't know what to do with everything i thought or felt. i went to school and found a life there and began to work on myself through my artwork. one of the most difficult periods of my life was when my mother and i attended the same counsling group. it was ok in the beginning because neither of us talked much. but as time went on my anger grew and i needed to let out the feelings. i didn't feel safe, and for her own reasons, my mother quit going to the meetings after i asked to be put in different groups. what i needed was to be separated from her because the joining of the two of us was too overwhelming and didn't allow either of us the freedom to think and feel about and for ourselves. i guess what i'm trying to say is seek out friends and counselors that can help you with what you are expereiencing. try some Al-anon groups would probably be good for you. you will meet people who experiencing the same things.
 
Old 11-18-2001, 01:46 PM
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HI Mjna...
Welcome to the forum!
You have done a lot for your sister. At this moment, you feel bad because it seems she doesn't need you? Did I get that right? REJOICE! Enjoy the time that you might have been cleaning up her messes doing something for yourself.
And, I have to echo Debbie's advice that you try alanon, if you have not already.
Keep posting!

Smoke
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Old 11-19-2001, 04:59 AM
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mjna
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i am glad i came to this site. thank you for your help. I think i may have sounded a little like i hoped she was still drinking and in fat i don't. its more the fact i guess that i am hurt that she didn't come to me like she did last time that i feel i must have done some thing wrong for her to feel i couldn't help her get sober. now the only people i have contact with is my sister and my mother and i feel like i am on the out side looking in. i know that she has problems of her own a lot of them and maybe its just the old feeling of having her still need me and i got used to that (picking up her pieces) some times i think i may still be hurt from the first time he fell. i was stuck taking care f her child nd trying to hold my mother together. maybe just that this time i am more an observer my mother doesen't need me this time , my nephew is fine and my sister has picked her self up and i am not sure where i fit in.
 
Old 11-19-2001, 05:46 AM
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Hi Mjna.
Ultimately, everyone's recovery is their own. Leaning on you more would not help your sister get better faster. Sounds like you have a recovery of your own to go to. You have been so preoccupied taking care of other people, that you feel all at sea when you don't have the responsibility.
I've already said this once today, but what the heck... Need a grip? Get a group. Start learning how important YOU are.

Smoke
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Old 11-20-2001, 10:29 PM
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Mjna,
Hi,I know exactly how you feel! I'm going through the same sort of thing right now! My guy tells me to hang in there and as soon as he gets it together some more, things will get back to "normal". I guess he means that I'll feel more important in his life again, instead of so left out of his sober life! I was the only one there for him when he was detoxing and so sick he could hardly get out of bed and now he's gone back to AA and has all of his old friends to help him along and I want to be helping too, but he doesn't seem to need me right now! We talked about this situation tonight and he just says to be patient and it'll be better! I trust him and will do that and maybe it'll work for you too! I'm new to this whole thing and giving advice seems wrong but I have always felt that just talking about how you feel to the person will make you feel better, and hang in there, after all blood is thicker than alcohol! Maybe just being a sister is all you need to do to help!
Good luck to you and my thoughts and prayers are with you!
Kathy
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Old 11-21-2001, 03:04 AM
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Ladies,just drop by to say that there is phenomenon called "abstinence crisis" You are going through it now. So I do not have to describe it to you. The balance of the family is off and you must get it back on track. The best way to do that is to take care of yourself and learn to support your addict at the same time. How do you do that. Find and attend Al-Anon or Nar-Anon. You will meet people like yourself who have gone through this and they will guide you through the process. You will be overjoyed at the results.


Just for Today---I am Sober---and I Pray
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