Solitude
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Solitude
Just sharing my latest revelation - the need for silence has been coming up in my world again but with a twist. Instead of trying to create space for it in my life, I was starting to wonder if I was taking it too far & starting to just isolate away from everyone. I couldn't tell if my tolerance for others was just little-to-non-existent or if it was simply the natural result of well defined & maintained boundaries. I was starting to sincerely question myself & my underlying reasons for sequestering myself so regularly.
But what I'm discovering is that it's not isolation so much as Solitude. I enjoy the time I spend alone and the more I get, the greedier I become for more. I *like* being in my own company; I like letting the silence become so big that deeply rooted thoughts have room to bubble up & be heard. I consistently run out of time before I run out of activities.
I am rarely lonely when I am alone which is the exact opposite of my early recovery days when all I seemed to experience was loneliness. All that aloneness seemed to stretch endlessly with nothing to fill it up. I've spent 5 years cultivating my self care/love/interests vs spending all that energy putting others ahead of my own needs & this is the beautiful bonus of it all - I LOVE spending time with ME.
Last night I read this in the 5th Agreement & it's my new favorite quote(s):
"When you practice self-love, you MASTER self-love."
~Don Miguel Ruiz
(here is more of the expanded thought behind that excerpt):
“All your life you tried to be good enough for somebody else, and you left yourself last. You sacrificed your personal freedom to live according to somebody else’s point of view. You tried to be good enough for your mother, your father, your teachers, your beloved, your children, your religion, and society. After trying for so many years, you try to be good enough for yourself, and you find out that you’re not good enough for yourself. Why not put yourself first, maybe for the first time in your life? You can relearn how to love yourself by accepting yourself, unconditionally. And you can start by projecting unconditional love to the authentic you.”
― Miguel Ruiz, The Fifth Agreement: A Practical Guide to Self-Mastery
A practice of self-love ALWAYS pays off, so don't forget to prioritize yourself no matter where you are in your Recovery Journey!
YOU ARE WORTH IT!
But what I'm discovering is that it's not isolation so much as Solitude. I enjoy the time I spend alone and the more I get, the greedier I become for more. I *like* being in my own company; I like letting the silence become so big that deeply rooted thoughts have room to bubble up & be heard. I consistently run out of time before I run out of activities.
I am rarely lonely when I am alone which is the exact opposite of my early recovery days when all I seemed to experience was loneliness. All that aloneness seemed to stretch endlessly with nothing to fill it up. I've spent 5 years cultivating my self care/love/interests vs spending all that energy putting others ahead of my own needs & this is the beautiful bonus of it all - I LOVE spending time with ME.
Last night I read this in the 5th Agreement & it's my new favorite quote(s):
"When you practice self-love, you MASTER self-love."
~Don Miguel Ruiz
(here is more of the expanded thought behind that excerpt):
“All your life you tried to be good enough for somebody else, and you left yourself last. You sacrificed your personal freedom to live according to somebody else’s point of view. You tried to be good enough for your mother, your father, your teachers, your beloved, your children, your religion, and society. After trying for so many years, you try to be good enough for yourself, and you find out that you’re not good enough for yourself. Why not put yourself first, maybe for the first time in your life? You can relearn how to love yourself by accepting yourself, unconditionally. And you can start by projecting unconditional love to the authentic you.”
― Miguel Ruiz, The Fifth Agreement: A Practical Guide to Self-Mastery
A practice of self-love ALWAYS pays off, so don't forget to prioritize yourself no matter where you are in your Recovery Journey!
YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 15
Agreed. Amazing advice. Makes me want to read this book. I am in early recovery and the lonliness is real. Not driving me to drink, i do t want to. But Its hard to deal with. Its nice to hear it can be temporary if you put the work in.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by dandylion 
fireSprite....are you a natural introvert...?
Hmmmmm.... that's probably why Solitude seems so new & unusual to me, eh?
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
FireSprite.....I have read that some feel that the categories of intro/extrovert are too black and white....that there are a lot of people who are able to go back and forth, adjusting to whatever the environment requires.....
Maybe, you?
Not trying to make a big deal.....I am the one who asked the question...lol....
Maybe, you?
Not trying to make a big deal.....I am the one who asked the question...lol....
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'm with you--a thousand percent. I find that engaging with other people, for longer than a few hours--tiresome. There is usually something I'd rather be doing on my own. I, too, am starting to conclude that there's nothing wrong with that.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
FireSprite and Lexie, that is how I feel too--I don't care for extreme isolation, like what I had when I was doing medical transcription from home or when I was driving for the lab company, spending almost an entire 8-hour shift in my car alone, but the idea of dealing w/people face-to-face all day long horrifies me!
I was sitting in the waiting area at the local Ford dealership today while some maintenance was done on my work van, and I happened to be near the receptionist's desk. There was always at least one other young woman over there chatting w/her, and OMG, I was getting burned out on human contact just listening to all this going on!
Like some of you have said about yourselves, I too CAN socialize, believe I'm fairly good at striking up conversations and so on, but when I want to recharge my batteries, I absolutely DO NOT say to myself "oh, I think I'll go out to some kind of gathering", I say "I'm holing up w/the dogs and a book."
Solitude, to me, equals peace and time to listen w/o all the background noise.
I was sitting in the waiting area at the local Ford dealership today while some maintenance was done on my work van, and I happened to be near the receptionist's desk. There was always at least one other young woman over there chatting w/her, and OMG, I was getting burned out on human contact just listening to all this going on!
Like some of you have said about yourselves, I too CAN socialize, believe I'm fairly good at striking up conversations and so on, but when I want to recharge my batteries, I absolutely DO NOT say to myself "oh, I think I'll go out to some kind of gathering", I say "I'm holing up w/the dogs and a book."
Solitude, to me, equals peace and time to listen w/o all the background noise.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Interesting.
My XAH was very demanding of my time, so since I have divorced I too have enjoyed solitude when I have it. That being said, I do have two kids, so it's not too often. Now I have to work on making that time more productive working on me (work out, yoga, something besides just veg in front of the TV).
I am definitely an extrovert.
Firesprite...I think solitude can be a great thing.
My XAH was very demanding of my time, so since I have divorced I too have enjoyed solitude when I have it. That being said, I do have two kids, so it's not too often. Now I have to work on making that time more productive working on me (work out, yoga, something besides just veg in front of the TV).
I am definitely an extrovert.
Firesprite...I think solitude can be a great thing.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by honeypig
Solitude, to me, equals peace and time to listen w/o all the background noise.
It's not always a silent event, I *like* my taste in music, movies & tv shows. I *get* my jokes. I truly enjoy spending time alone.
Sometimes my periods of solitude are made up of my favorite songs on a playlist at top volume because when music gets *that* loud it has a meditative effect on me. Good music makes me want to crawl into it & experience it from the inside out. I want it to be enormous so that it fills all available space like an invisibility cloak to wear while I parade out all of my inner-most thoughts. I can get lost inside of it like that sometimes just being meditative, sometimes while doing impromptu yoga to the changing tracks. I always emerge feeling restored & balanced with no real sense of how much time has passed.
Originally Posted by hopeful4
That being said, I do have two kids, so it's not too often. Now I have to work on making that time more productive working on me (work out, yoga, something besides just veg in front of the TV).
This was a great article on Solitude if anyone is interested:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/arti...at-is-solitude
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Oh I love this - we really are cosmic fire-sisters! I was VERY uncomfortable alone for the longest time....but in the last year, I've felt twinges of feeling maybe a little too comfortable doing things alone.
I'm an extrovert too, but now, I am fiercely protective of my alone time. Maybe it goes a long with learning to say no, maybe something shifted when we lost my dad, maybe I'm just getting more philosophical with age, and an ounce of solitude goes with that. Who knows, but for me, there is nothing like sitting still, in silence, on the bank of a river, and just taking in the day - the sounds, the smells, a breeze. If I've ever really felt authentically myself in life, it's there.
This poem <3 <3 <3 By Swatimalya Chattopadhyay
Solitude'-the word despicable
for some,
precludes socializing,
devoid of bond,
bereft of unity.
But a loner receives 'solitude'
on a welcome note.
She savours the succulent solitude
till the last morsel.
The desolate place pools her haphazourd thoughts,
which never got an ambience to percolate,
to get streamlined and make flow like a rivulet.
She reflects on her existence, her values,
her purpose of life and the vision
in the comforting blanket of solitude.
In her anchorage with the solitude
she extends her sight to the colonnade of trees,
to the horizon where the sky fondly touches
the convergence of mountains
and the cloud mingles.
Through the vista
she looks on to the
sailing boats on the river,
which, miles away,
bear the semblance of sharks.
Merging in the solitude
she murmurs in her soliloquy
that to witness the
Mother Nature's vicissitude
the ideal environment will be solitude.
I'm an extrovert too, but now, I am fiercely protective of my alone time. Maybe it goes a long with learning to say no, maybe something shifted when we lost my dad, maybe I'm just getting more philosophical with age, and an ounce of solitude goes with that. Who knows, but for me, there is nothing like sitting still, in silence, on the bank of a river, and just taking in the day - the sounds, the smells, a breeze. If I've ever really felt authentically myself in life, it's there.
This poem <3 <3 <3 By Swatimalya Chattopadhyay
Solitude'-the word despicable
for some,
precludes socializing,
devoid of bond,
bereft of unity.
But a loner receives 'solitude'
on a welcome note.
She savours the succulent solitude
till the last morsel.
The desolate place pools her haphazourd thoughts,
which never got an ambience to percolate,
to get streamlined and make flow like a rivulet.
She reflects on her existence, her values,
her purpose of life and the vision
in the comforting blanket of solitude.
In her anchorage with the solitude
she extends her sight to the colonnade of trees,
to the horizon where the sky fondly touches
the convergence of mountains
and the cloud mingles.
Through the vista
she looks on to the
sailing boats on the river,
which, miles away,
bear the semblance of sharks.
Merging in the solitude
she murmurs in her soliloquy
that to witness the
Mother Nature's vicissitude
the ideal environment will be solitude.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,099
I'm with you, Firesprie! I enjoy my alone time listening to music or binge watching my favorite shows on Netflix. I know some friends who can't stand to be alone and I find myself wondering why. I think to be comfortable in your own company and enjoying solitude is a gift to yourself! Time to reflect and do your own thing and not having to meet anyone elses expectations. It's addicting! I work in mental health and sometimes I need the solitude to regroup and recharge. Great post!
Last edited by suncatcher; 03-05-2017 at 10:24 AM. Reason: Spelling
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