Feeling depressed. Need words of encouragement.
 

Hi All,

I've just been kind of in a funk the last few days, feeling down. A couple weeks ago my xabf informed me he was interested in seeing other people, which was hard to hear. We broke up about 6 months ago and he always told me that we were taking time apart to work on ourselves, so I have been hoping this whole time that we would be able to reconcile one day and believed him that he was on the path to recovery. Reading through this forum has kind of been a reality check in that I realize now, that is all just sh*t an A says for whatever reason, but it doesn't mean anything. I see that now. It's a hard pill to swallow.

I've been going to AlAnon, ACA and a therapist. I'm reading everything I can get my hands on, so I know I'm moving forward in my life.

I think what has me in a funk now is that him saying that was kind of the nail in the coffin for our relationship. So maybe I'm just depressed because that's what stage of grief I'm in right now? Also, I've been reading through this forum and am realizing more and more that he's in serious trouble with his drinking, which I fear is going to take him to some bad places. He's out there doing God knows what with God knows who and it's hard to let go of that. I know I must and I'm working on it, but it still hurts. I have this weird fear that when he comes back to town, he'll be married or something crazy. Just because A's are crazy and you never know what they'll do. And I can see him just jumping into something else as just another coping mechanism along with the drinking.

I see from reading through here that this could be a very bad road for him and that makes me sad. I'm also realizing that I can't do anything about it and I have to let go. My head knows it and now my heart is catching up. It makes me sad to let go of the dreams we had together and really accept that they are gone. That even IF he were in recovery (which he's not), it would be a very long road before we could even consider a relationship again - if I would even want to at that point. Even if an A is in recovery, I know that is also a hard life to live, always wondering when the next slip will be, so not sure that's for me even if it becomes an option at some point.

I know I've come a long way in the last 6 months, so I guess it's kind of discouraging to be feeling depressed now. I guess I should feel relieved that I'm out of that situation without too much damage done and I am on some level. But it just sucks to know that the person you loved so much is no longer that person. And maybe you loved them because of your OWN sick thinking. So was it all a lie? Was any of it real? It's so confusing to sort through.

Thanks for letting me vent. :) Would love some encouragement!

you actually sound quite grounded and clear on the situation! it's ok to feel sad or even depressed. honor your feelings, allow them to be, and when it's time, let them go.

and let him go. in your heart, wish him every good thing. and wish the same for yourself. your path is wide and long and waiting for you!

Seeker.....I know that hearing that they are with someone else feels weird and awful, at first. It is just another step in facing the reality of the situation...and, it will pass, like all the rest of it..
You have done so well, since coming here...And, I think it is directly due to the hard work that I see that you have put in!!!!.....as well as time away from the situation.....

I think you are going to be just fine.....

Sorry you are sad. You sound really good, though. You have been thinking about how you want your life to be, and that's important.
One of the things that strikes me when posters to this site describe situations like yours: they are not only missing the person they are no longer with, as imperfect as he/she is. .They are also grieving for the life they thought they were going to have with the alcoholic partner. That can be hard to let go of.
Like most anything, it's process. And it takes time. All will be well after a while.

Hon, I hung on for 34 years of my life with an addict. You are blessed he is walking away and gifting you an opportunity to find true love. Don't feel like you are missing out on something. It is nothing but heart break when you love an addict.

Cry and keep reading. One day you will thank him. Hugs my friend.

I agree, it is a sign it's over. I know it's very hard to accept that a relationship is over and, in the past, I've endured a lot of pain fighting it. It helps to realize feelings change and you'll gradually feel better. Time does that........ A big hug.

My late sponsor used to say, "You're right where you're supposed to be." Yeah, pissed me off when she said it to me, too. But you really are. Breakups hurt, and they hurt even when things haven't been going well, as long as you had the hope that things might take a turn for the better.

All you can do is keep moving on. It WILL get better. What you have to be prepared for is that if the grass, for him, turns out NOT to be greener on the other side, he may come back with all kinds of promises to change and tearfully swear you were the best thing he ever had and now that he knows it, yada yada. You get the idea.

This won't NECESSARILY happen, but if it does, you should be prepared with your response. Which should be along the lines of, "No, you were right. It's time for both of us to move on. I wish you the best, but please do not contact me further."