Butterfly

I hope everyone is doing well and looking after themselves. I've been reading but not posted in a long time, so here's an update

Still waiting on my divorce stbxah keeps delaying it costing me additional money which I don't have. It will be 3 years next month that he left, I still get his pity lines on the rare occasion we have to talk his woo is me bs which I don't fall for anymore or buy into. He got nasty a few months ago and poured paint stripper all over my car, causing thousands of punks of damage fortunately my insurance covered it.

I'm still struggling with my negative thinking and trying to fix everything it's hard to take a step back at times and just let things unfold. I wasn't really dating for a while but met someone, he was in a relationship and we became friends. We became close or so I thought and he started telling me his problems with his gf and how unhappy he was, how he couldn't talk to her the way he talked to me. He would tell me he was going to end it then didn't,. Yip I fell for it how he was a nice guy who didn't want to hurt his gf and yes I wanted to fix things make him happy.

So he did eventually end it and a few nights later he asked me out, I said yes and we had a few dates. Our last date I just felt that he wasn't really interested but of course I blamed me it must be something I did wrong, how can I fix it, what's wrong with me. I've texted him twice since this night, he replied the first time and hasn't the second. I haven't contacted him again

On the plus side I haven't done everything to try and fix it, I haven't apologised to try and make it all better and I've tried so hard to keep the focus on me. This hasn't been easy and I've slipped a few times especially with the I've done something wrong, I'm too quiet, I'm boring etc. I am also just back from a few days away by myself, something I never thought I would do and it was blissful.

Recovering from my marriage and my childhood is so hard my thinking is ingrained, trying to please people, turning myself inside out to change so others will like me is draining.

I am a work in progress but I can say that 3 years on I am happier than I was, I don't have to put up with stbxah drinking, aggression violence and neither do the kids, who are doing so good. In my home I live in peace and that is amazing feeling.

Thank you for reading

teatreeoil007

In my home I live in peace and that is amazing feeling.

Amen. Peace is priceless. Right on.

Just be yourself. Accept yourself. Like yourself. Love yourself. Everything else will fall into place. Never compromise yourself just to please someone else.

Maudcat

You sound good, Butterfly. Hang in there. Glad you checked in.

maia1234

Butterfly,
I think you sound amazing. The strength in your comments is awesome. We are who we are. As long as you are acknowledging what you do, and try to stop it's all good.

Take the time and move slow. Someone will come and appreciate you for who you are. Stay positive, and thank God that you no longer live an alcoholic home.

Hugs my friend, keep the faith that the divorce will come one day!!

LexieCat

Yay, Butterfly!! You GO!

FeelingGreat

Hi Butterfly, I was just thinking about you the other day, wondering how you were going. I can't believe your AH is still stringing things out. That story about the paint-stripper is a real eye-opener; I bet he couldn't cope with the assertive new you.
Fantastic that the kids are doing well and that you finally had a break and enjoyed it. The right man will come along one day, I'm sure. Just think of these guys as practice.

Ladybird579

I was only thinking about you today and wondering how you were doing. Thanks for the update.

FireSprite

Progress, not perfection - don't forget that this is your life, not a race.

So happy to hear from you Butterfly!

NYCDoglvr

Thanks for posting. You beautifully describe the process of recovery, how it's not as fast as anyone wants but a slow, steady improvement. I'd have called the police on a husband that did that to my car.

hopeful4

It's great to hear from you Butterfly! Sounds like you are making some strides, and that is great!

Hugs!

honeypig

I remember you, Butterfly, and I'm glad you stopped back to update us. Sounds like you're much happier and feeling a lot stronger, and I'm glad about both of those things!