This just hurts
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 75
This just hurts
When you spend years of your life standing by and supporting a loved one who is being dragged down by addiction, it's challenging. You love them through it all, even when they're hurting you deeply. It's even more painful when you reach the point where you know there's nothing more that you can do to help them. They need to want to change and stop self-destructing. Your world falls apart when you know that the only healthy and sane option is to move on without them. But it's like a thousand knives in the back when you begin hearing falsehoods being told to others about you by the loved one you've given years of your life to. It hurts. A lot. But I will rise above and come out better for it. I understand that it's easier to continue to blame someone else than to be accountable for reality. I get that. But it still hurts. 
There has to be better days ahead.
There has to be better days ahead.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yes, it's acutely painful now, but remember, you won't die from it.
And it DOES get better. The realty is that the same helplessness that seems so painful now ultimately will bring relief, knowing that there is nothing more you could have done.
And it DOES get better. The realty is that the same helplessness that seems so painful now ultimately will bring relief, knowing that there is nothing more you could have done.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
People will make up all sorts of falsehoods to defect the attention off of the REAL problem; what they will resort to. Anything to support DENIAL of the truth of the true problem. They love to create a scapegoat when they won't take ownership. Alternate stories concocted. Just remember, you know the truth. Hang your hat on what is honest, good, and true.You are a person of integrity. You know the truth and truth will prevail. You don't need to be hearing how he's been bad mouthing you either. Is it possible to go total no contact?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: SaiGon, Vietnam
Posts: 62
musiclady14
I can really relate to this. A few weeks before my AH left his phone rang mine. I could hear him talking to some people telling them how hard he had tried at our relationship but that it was not enough for him. I was lazy and on the internet every night (that was hime, not me
and one of my main complaints about him) He said he wanted more from life, that I didnt go anywhere -(partly true because I work full time and my money has to pay for 3 people as he only worked parttime and his money went fast)
I was so shocked and shaking as everything had seemed ok. I disconnected the phone and he later convinced me that he was sharing at an AA meeting and that it meant nothing.
He was not at AA he was out drinking and 2 weeks later I came home to a part empty apartment an empty bank account and a text message thanking me for the last ten years of marriage ; told me he was drinking secretly and that he was never coming back.
My life is better in many ways since he has been gone. Idid hear stuff at first but have now asked friends not to tell me anything
After all he put us through.....I still feel the pain of those same knives musiclady14. I hope more time will takethe pain away.
Meanwhile I am away for the weekend with my 16yr old DD - because now I can afford it...and hopefully it will distract me from the sadness that clings.
Take Care Hugs to All
I can really relate to this. A few weeks before my AH left his phone rang mine. I could hear him talking to some people telling them how hard he had tried at our relationship but that it was not enough for him. I was lazy and on the internet every night (that was hime, not me
and one of my main complaints about him) He said he wanted more from life, that I didnt go anywhere -(partly true because I work full time and my money has to pay for 3 people as he only worked parttime and his money went fast)I was so shocked and shaking as everything had seemed ok. I disconnected the phone and he later convinced me that he was sharing at an AA meeting and that it meant nothing.
He was not at AA he was out drinking and 2 weeks later I came home to a part empty apartment an empty bank account and a text message thanking me for the last ten years of marriage ; told me he was drinking secretly and that he was never coming back.
My life is better in many ways since he has been gone. Idid hear stuff at first but have now asked friends not to tell me anything
After all he put us through.....I still feel the pain of those same knives musiclady14. I hope more time will takethe pain away.
Meanwhile I am away for the weekend with my 16yr old DD - because now I can afford it...and hopefully it will distract me from the sadness that clings.
Take Care Hugs to All
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi musiclady, he's trying to make others sorry for him by deflecting blame on you, which makes him a weak character.
Don't assume people believe him. Most people can see through this sort of lying and will make up their own minds. Someone who goes around trashing their X partner doesn't make a good impression.
Don't assume people believe him. Most people can see through this sort of lying and will make up their own minds. Someone who goes around trashing their X partner doesn't make a good impression.
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