Not Sure What To Do
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Not Sure What To Do
Hi,
Just me. I received a letter from the court, with a motion that my AH gets his guns back. It looks like my AH wrote out the petition himself. The court scheduled the hearing for March 1. Our final divorce hearing isn't until March 7th.
I'm very uncomfortable with him getting the guns back. When drinking his judgement is very impaired. I will never forget him putting a loaded, cocked gun to his head, and telling me if I moved or called the police, he'd shout himself.
Also, our divorce is far from settled! Not sure if things don't go his way, like he doesn't get the martial home, without having to buy me out, and if the court states the house needs to be sold, what he'll do.
Not sure what the court will do, since he has been compliant with the domestic violence order for the past year. This man has an arsenal of weapons!!
Do I go to the hearing and ask the court to not allow him to get his guns back, based on my fear of what might happen, and r/t past behavior.
Will the court see that my AH has behaved for the past year and see no reason to not return his weapons.
I'm not sure what I should do!! Called my lawyer and waiting for a return call!
I so want all this to be over!! It's one thing after another. Any advice??
Thanks for listening to me vent!
Z
Just me. I received a letter from the court, with a motion that my AH gets his guns back. It looks like my AH wrote out the petition himself. The court scheduled the hearing for March 1. Our final divorce hearing isn't until March 7th.
I'm very uncomfortable with him getting the guns back. When drinking his judgement is very impaired. I will never forget him putting a loaded, cocked gun to his head, and telling me if I moved or called the police, he'd shout himself.
Also, our divorce is far from settled! Not sure if things don't go his way, like he doesn't get the martial home, without having to buy me out, and if the court states the house needs to be sold, what he'll do.
Not sure what the court will do, since he has been compliant with the domestic violence order for the past year. This man has an arsenal of weapons!!
Do I go to the hearing and ask the court to not allow him to get his guns back, based on my fear of what might happen, and r/t past behavior.
Will the court see that my AH has behaved for the past year and see no reason to not return his weapons.
I'm not sure what I should do!! Called my lawyer and waiting for a return call!
I so want all this to be over!! It's one thing after another. Any advice??
Thanks for listening to me vent!
Z
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
As long as the order exists, it's illegal for him to have the guns. Ask your lawyer to point out that he would be in violation of federal law. 18 U.S.C. 922(g)(8).
And even in the absence of a protective order, courts often have discretion not to return weapons when they feel someone is a danger to possess them. What he did with the guns certainly indicates that.
And even in the absence of a protective order, courts often have discretion not to return weapons when they feel someone is a danger to possess them. What he did with the guns certainly indicates that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi,
I'm assuming I should go to court on March 1, and say why I don't think he should get his guns back.
I'm not that articulate when I comes to public speaking.
My feelings are we are still married. This man threatened me, verbally abused me, intimidated me, and showed poor judgement by putting a loaded gun to his head.
Nothing has been settled with our divorce! His life hasn't changed. My AH still lives in our home, is running our business, and has his sister paying his bills.
If the court decides on March 7, that the house needs to be put up for sale, and I get a portion of the business, my AH may flip out!!
If he has an arsenal of guns, he could come after me, or hurt himself.
I'm very worried if change occurs, I'm not sure how he'll react!
Very scary!!!
My AH has behaved this past year because life has remained the same for him.
I just wish I could say all that to the court!
Z
I'm assuming I should go to court on March 1, and say why I don't think he should get his guns back.
I'm not that articulate when I comes to public speaking.
My feelings are we are still married. This man threatened me, verbally abused me, intimidated me, and showed poor judgement by putting a loaded gun to his head.
Nothing has been settled with our divorce! His life hasn't changed. My AH still lives in our home, is running our business, and has his sister paying his bills.
If the court decides on March 7, that the house needs to be put up for sale, and I get a portion of the business, my AH may flip out!!
If he has an arsenal of guns, he could come after me, or hurt himself.
I'm very worried if change occurs, I'm not sure how he'll react!
Very scary!!!
My AH has behaved this past year because life has remained the same for him.
I just wish I could say all that to the court!
Z
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi,
I called my lawyer. No return call yet. It looks like my AH filled out the paperwork himself for this hearing. The police and his lawyer was CC., but not mine.
This divorce just gets worse as time goes on.
It amazes me. What a heavy price family members of an alcoholic pay.
I'm hoping my lawyer call me tomm.
Z
I called my lawyer. No return call yet. It looks like my AH filled out the paperwork himself for this hearing. The police and his lawyer was CC., but not mine.
This divorce just gets worse as time goes on.
It amazes me. What a heavy price family members of an alcoholic pay.
I'm hoping my lawyer call me tomm.
Z
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Z, you go through this every time he files some asinine thing in court. Calm down. Just because he makes some kind of quasi-legal noise doesn't mean you have to panic.
You've got a lawyer, whom you are paying good money to advise you. This isn't an emergency. Yes, it's important that he not get the guns back, but just because he filed a piece of paper doesn't mean that he will.
Don't you think he'd just LOVE knowing he's setting you off this way?
You've got a lawyer, whom you are paying good money to advise you. This isn't an emergency. Yes, it's important that he not get the guns back, but just because he filed a piece of paper doesn't mean that he will.
Don't you think he'd just LOVE knowing he's setting you off this way?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi,
Yes, Lexie, I'm sure he'd get a lot of pleasure knowing he's upsetting me. I guess, I'm looking for reassurance that if I go to the court hearing, the judge will listen to me and the reasons I don't think he should have his guns back.
Even though he has behaved this past year, the threat of him becoming unglued is pretty great since he is still actively drinking, and his life might change after the final hearing March 7th.
Yes, Lexie, I'm sure he'd get a lot of pleasure knowing he's upsetting me. I guess, I'm looking for reassurance that if I go to the court hearing, the judge will listen to me and the reasons I don't think he should have his guns back.
Even though he has behaved this past year, the threat of him becoming unglued is pretty great since he is still actively drinking, and his life might change after the final hearing March 7th.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
There's no reason to believe the judge WOULDN'T listen to you. No judge wants to be in the headlines after they gave some guy back his guns and something tragic happens. Trust me on that.
Now, whether the judge, weighing the facts and evidence DOES what you want is another story. There are never any guarantees a court will see things the way you do. But you have time to prepare with your lawyer, and believe me, your ex is not an evil genius. He may be evil, but a genius he ain't.
Now, whether the judge, weighing the facts and evidence DOES what you want is another story. There are never any guarantees a court will see things the way you do. But you have time to prepare with your lawyer, and believe me, your ex is not an evil genius. He may be evil, but a genius he ain't.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Zircon, I'm so sorry your husband's actions have upset you so much. I do hope your attorney gets back to you soon. I looked up the Federal Law that Lexie mentioned:
(g) It shall be unlawful for any person—
......
This really seems pretty clear and hope it provides you with some comfort until you can speak with your attorney. I hope you will be able to rest tonight.
(g) It shall be unlawful for any person—
...
(8) who is subject to a court order that—
(A) was issued after a hearing of which such person received actual notice, and at which such person had an opportunity to participate;
(B) restrains such person from harassing, stalking, or threatening an intimate partner of such person or child of such intimate partner or person, or engaging in other conduct that would place an intimate partner in reasonable fear of bodily injury to the partner or child; and
(C)
(i) includes a finding that such person represents a credible threat to the physical safety of such intimate partner or child; or
(ii) by its terms explicitly prohibits the use, attempted use, or threatened use of physical force against such intimate partner or child that would reasonably be expected to cause bodily injury; or
This really seems pretty clear and hope it provides you with some comfort until you can speak with your attorney. I hope you will be able to rest tonight.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
That's scary.
He does not sound like the sort of man who should get his guns back.
Seriously.
Did you report the time he held the gun to your head? If yes, that police report should have some voice in court.
I wouldn't want to be the judge who gave his guns back!
Sending love.
He does not sound like the sort of man who should get his guns back.
Seriously.
Did you report the time he held the gun to your head? If yes, that police report should have some voice in court.
I wouldn't want to be the judge who gave his guns back!
Sending love.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
One of the best things I ever did for myself was let go of things I have no control of. Is it terrifying that he could get his guns back? Of course. Will you panicking about this in anyway shape or form change what will happen in court? No. You have a lawyer and when you talk to him/her they will decide what needs to be said in court. Take a deep breath, I know it is hard but you panicking is doing nothing but drive you insane.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
It sounds to me like the facts are all in your favor with this situation. Just stick to them and I would suggest you stop saying “ Even though he has behaved this past year”. Start using different language like, there have been no additional situations with him.
Facts:
He is still drinking.
The divorce is not settled, there are still issues of great discontent like the distribution of the marital home, etc.
You are still traumatized from the gun incident and fear that may happen again.
All of these things are what you must convey to the judge to will hear your soon to be ex’s ridiculous motion
.
Try and remember, feeling are not facts, so try and stick to the facts not your feelings. But do share your feelings of FEAR because that is a fact!!
Facts:
He is still drinking.
The divorce is not settled, there are still issues of great discontent like the distribution of the marital home, etc.
You are still traumatized from the gun incident and fear that may happen again.
All of these things are what you must convey to the judge to will hear your soon to be ex’s ridiculous motion
.
Try and remember, feeling are not facts, so try and stick to the facts not your feelings. But do share your feelings of FEAR because that is a fact!!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Talk to your attorney. If the attorney cannot help, I would show up myself and explain why you don't think he should have them back, or call the court clerk and see if you can submit a letter stating why.
Scary....
Scary....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Update
Hi,
I got the court to extend my domestic violence order. The clerk at the court stated my AH has 10 days to file an objection and then the court has 30days to schedule a hearing. She feels the court will use March 7th@10, the hearing for returning his guns to hear his objections to extending the domestic violence order. Our final hearing is scheduled for 1-3, the same day!! Nothing like getting everything over all at once.
I'm hoping the court permanently extends the order for another year. That way my AH won't be able to get his guns and amo back. This way everything with the divorce should be settled within the next year.
I'm wondering since I'm concerned for my safety because of the combination of alcohol abuse and an arsenal of weapons, and also my AH threatened me that he would burn the house down so I wouldn't get it. Is that enough for the court to extend the order another year. My AH hasn't violated the order.
I'm wondering when I got to court for the extension to be permanent, what do I have to prove to the court?
I'm thinking I'm over analyzing this!! Maybe it's simpler than I think!
Well March 7th will certainly be a BIG day for me!!
Thanks for listening, just the thoughts going through my head right now.
Z
I got the court to extend my domestic violence order. The clerk at the court stated my AH has 10 days to file an objection and then the court has 30days to schedule a hearing. She feels the court will use March 7th@10, the hearing for returning his guns to hear his objections to extending the domestic violence order. Our final hearing is scheduled for 1-3, the same day!! Nothing like getting everything over all at once.
I'm hoping the court permanently extends the order for another year. That way my AH won't be able to get his guns and amo back. This way everything with the divorce should be settled within the next year.
I'm wondering since I'm concerned for my safety because of the combination of alcohol abuse and an arsenal of weapons, and also my AH threatened me that he would burn the house down so I wouldn't get it. Is that enough for the court to extend the order another year. My AH hasn't violated the order.
I'm wondering when I got to court for the extension to be permanent, what do I have to prove to the court?
I'm thinking I'm over analyzing this!! Maybe it's simpler than I think!
Well March 7th will certainly be a BIG day for me!!
Thanks for listening, just the thoughts going through my head right now.
Z
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