How much should the alcoholic know?
 

My son and I had a discussion today where he decided to go to Alateen. I told him I went to Alanon last night and I told him about Alateen. We discussed his choices, comfort level and whether he wanted to try it out. After reading the pamphlet through tears he instantly wanted to go. I am struggling with whether I should tell my husband or not. I don't want to create a scenario where I am keeping information from him and undermining his parental role. My son won't go to him with anything and I think he would be concerned about telling him without me present. Anyone been through this?

What is best for your child?

wait...his parental ROLE??? didn't he already vacate that position?

you are considering ALATEEN for your child because of his alcoholic FATHER. this isn't about AH anymore.....it's about the collateral damage done to his spouse and his child.

If it were me, I don't think I would worry about telling the young man's father. It is not a medical procedure, it is a support group to gain strength and wisdom for all that he had to live through because of his father. I really wish you both the very best as you learn and grow within the support networks you are building.

Getting head-healthy is on your side of the street. Your spouse doesn't have to know that you and your son are attending Al-Anon and Ala-Teen. Really, what good would it do for him to know? He will just get mad about it.
And he may, just may, try to stop you both from going.
No one needs that.

I'm also of the opinion that your AH has forfeited his right to know of this. Maybe once your son has some meetings under his belt, he will feel strong enough to tell his dad.

The 11th tradition of Alanon states, "We need guard with special care the anonymity of all AA members."

Nothing. He should know nothing. None of his business.

His parental role of "alcoholic" has created the scenario for which your son needs alateen. Discussing this with your husband is like asking his permission to seek help for something he's created, do you honestly think he'd be encouraging of it?

We tend to continue to allow the most dysfunctional person in our lives to run our lives................not good or healthy. You and your son need to do what is best for the both of you not what keeps the alcoholic in control.

undermining his parental role.

I wasn't aware he had one to undermine.I think he's done that all by himself. I wouldn't tell him anything.