Feeling Emotionally Detached
 

Good morning y'all,

The past few weeks have been hard ones. I'm trying to focus on my own recovery, but I find myself still being irritated by my husband and his drinking. I know he's hiding it, and I know he's not ready to quit yet. I've done well to keep my thoughts to myself but I can feel myself pulling away. I don't sleep in the bedroom anymore. I can't stand his snoring and the telltale smell that he's been drinking. He's called me stupid and a b***h for small silly things (a disagreement over an email in which he called a teacher a whiny baby, and I said that she's probably hurt and that's how she's expressing it). I find myself not interested in talking to him, because it always ends in an argument. . I think Valentine's Day was the day I just let myself take a break from him. Instead of getting me flowers, he got drunk.

In al-anon, we've been discussing motivators for our own toxic behavior and someone mentioned that it was the desperate desire to be loved and feel loved that caused her to enable her alcoholic. This struck me deeply, because I never considered how unloved I've felt. I can't remember the last time he told me he loved me or that I was beautiful without me asking him to say it. I shouldn't have to beg for his attention. I shouldn't have to settle for "doing laundry" as my only form of affection. I shouldn't be this young and miserable. I think I'm going to start taking steps to move forward with separating, there's just a few things I need to have done first before I plunge headfirst into divorce. I need dental work done before I lose his insurance, and I need to start getting my plan together in case things hit the fan before I'm ready. Thank you all for being so supportive, I really do appreciate it.

SYH - Putting a plan together sounds like a good idea, in case you decide to act on it. You are 100% correct in that you should not have to settle and beg for affection.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been there and it's terrible. Sending you good vibes today.

Do what you need to do. No one should have to put up with verbal abuse. Life is too short for you to be stuck with a drunken a*****e.

Sounds like you've turned a corner in the way you're seeing things. A plan is the smart way to go, good luck & keep posting!! (((((Hugs))))

SYH - I could have written this exact post last Valentine's Day (lucky me, one year my stbxah drunkenly wet the bed on Valentine's....)

You deserve so much more than what you're getting! "Young & miserable" isn't what you should be settling for. Glad you're focusing on you and carving out a plan. Big hugs.

Thanks guys, I'm thinking that being able to step back from being so obsessed with his drinking and focusing on my feelings is helping me make an informed decision. I have great instincts, I've just failed to listen to my gut for the last 5 years. I don't want to look back in another five and wonder what happened to me and why I'm still miserable.

Yes, you are so right. You deserve so much more. So what are you going to do about it? You don't have to answer, more a question for yourself.