my Daughter

Old 08-26-2001, 03:18 PM
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Post my Daughter

My daughter is 43 and she has been in and out of the hospital and rehab places four times in the past two months. I'm so scared about what or I should say when her fragile body won't be able to take it anymore. Id've been going to alanon meetings, and just this weekend a alanon retreat. But my concentration level is centered more about what is going to happen to her. She now is a motel, because she blew it staying with me(drinking) two times. I can't afford to do this much longer. I know about the enabaling and guilt trip, but it's hurting me to see her deteriate every day. She had a bad divorce recentley and can't seem to cope. She can;t hold a job anymore and her health is slowly getting worse. I'm really scared how much longer she will be on this earth. I have a full time job and renta a small 1 bedroom house. My concentration level is getting worse because I can't help but wonder is she's going to make it. I put her in a motel this weekend and told her she could only stay 3 days. (Second time I've done this)She thinks she can do it this time. I doubt it. I love her but this pattern has happened too many times. Appreciate any feed back thanks Scared, sad Mom
Old 08-27-2001, 07:16 AM
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smoke gets in my eyes's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2001
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Hi Marge!
Detox is not enough, and it seems that the rehab therapy your daughter has been receiving is not the kind that will reach her. Has she been to AA? Read any of their literature? She sounds like she needs a different program. There are a world of possibilities out there, and all of them have success with some addicts. The trick may be lining up the addict with the recovery track. Everyone needs HOPE, and a vision of the future that is inviting. AA gives that to a lot of people.

Keep going to al-anon, and please try to hear what is being said. The ADDICTION is something only she can conquer. The HOPE is something you can perhaps help her find.

Maybe your could ask her what her perfect vision of herself in 5 years would be. What job? What lifestyle? With or without a relationship and what kind? Then she could plot a course of smaller goals that would help her toward her larger vision. Being addiction free is bound to be one of them, but she has to see that and commit to it herself.

There is only so much you can do, however much you love someone. And remember, just as she is the one in charge of her addiction, you are also the only one in charge of your own mental health. She probably can't even see how her poor choices are affecting you. Make sure YOU are okay.

Please keep posting an let us know what's happening.

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Old 08-27-2001, 02:32 PM
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I am so sorry to hear that you are going thtough this, actually, I am sorry that your daughter is going through this too. My sister is going throught the same thing right now and it has been going on for about 3 years now. My mother is feeling and thinking the same things you are. You are lucky though because your daughter has not shut you out of her life. My mother is going through the same thing s you are but the only difference is that my sister won't speak to her. She has totally shut my mom out of her life. She thinks mom is trying to run her life and she isn't she is just worried and scared. My sister is 29 by the way. Anyway, hang in there, we know how difficult it can be. Just be happy that she is with you and near you. My sister has shut me out of her life as well. There is not a whole lot you can do to help her. It is so hard for me to say that. She needs to be ready. Talk about the future with her, see what kind of out look on life she has. I hope it is posative. I will be an ear for you if you ever need one. I live with an alcoholic boyfriend too. I have it both ways. Hang in there...

Old 06-13-2004, 11:07 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2004
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Oh, dear, you sound so much like what I feel like. My daughter is 24 and still living at home with us...has a full time job but financially could never make it on her own. She also sucks extra money from us like a Hoover vacuum cleaner. We have spent so much on her these past 2 years that we will have to postpone our retirements of several years. But worse than the money are the sleepless nights and mental stress that she causes me. I know who she goes out with, where they go and what time she is supposed to be is like she is still a teenager...she doesn't expect rules because she is, afterall, an adult. How can we tenderly detach...she is our only daughter and her father and I agree that we will not put her out on the street. We are unable to go that far with the "tough love" philosophy.
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