viola71

Hi SR family, I have just finished my last surgery associated with my cancer. I had my sister take me to my surgeon across the country because my AH cannot be trusted. Arrived home and learned that he had been drinking the night before. He actually admitted to it...... my daughter and I asked him to leave and he did. I think had my sister not been there it would have been awful but since he is so in to appearances it went smoothly. My question now is he will contact us and want to work a plan on getting back into the home. He has been seeing a counselor but still thinks he can control the drinking. He has never been to AA because he's not like "those" people. I had a hard enough time with the hard boundary please help with boundaries moving forward. Thanks so much

Maudcat

Hi, viola. Welcome. I wouldn't be surprised if he shows up and wants back into the home. Addicts really hate losing their safe drinking place.
You are going to have to be very strong now if you don't want him back. I would see an attorney stat. Find out what your options and rights are.
Good luck.

hopeful4

I wish you a very speedy recovery and am glad you had someone else to be there for you.

Yes, of course he will want back in. Time to get your own plan together, but for now, focus on getting well.

Hugs!

Westexy

Hi Viola - I'm sure it hurt to arrive home from that experience to a drunk spouse. That type of situation was one of the things that made me finally bite the bullet and file for divorce. I had always been able to count on my STBxAH in difficult and stressful times. Not anymore. He now gets drunk in every instance that requires him to experience an emotion or to leave the house. The last time I was ill, he got extremely wasted, kept waking me up, and kept asking me to play board games with him every 15 minutes. I finally just burst into tears. He couldn't even let me sleep and heal for a day or two. Start putting a plan in place, and if you don't need him in the house for any reason, please consider not letting him back in. Is there a friend or relative who can stay with you for a while and help you stay strong?

ladyscribbler

This was my experience as well. I recently got over a long bout of sickness, which was unpleasant, but not nearly as bad as it would have been if I was still living with someone who couldn't show me the basic respect and decency to let me rest and heal from illness.

Take this time to rest and heal, on your schedule, doing what you need to care for yourself. You don't owe him a plan or a timeline or even an answer just because he starts badgering you. "I'm not ready to talk about this," is an answer, and one he should accept if he is willing to make any real, lasting change.