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Lacking motivation and getting depressed

Old 02-12-2017, 07:27 AM
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Lacking motivation and getting depressed

So, I failed my licensing exam 1.5 weeks ago for the second time. I am re-taking the test on March 6th. I am basically on my own in coming up with a study schedule. I am getting discouraged by the studying. After all this time, I still feel like I haven't grasped so much. I don't feel like my brain is retaining anything, I feel like I answer questions on the quizzes without really thinking it through and then I get stuff wrong and get frustrated.

I don't know what the solution is, honestly. I know I need to stay 'in' the material. I'm just not feeling motivated to do so. I actually dread it and I make every excuse to find something else to do. But, I know deep down that I need to buckle down.

My XAH is again harassing me. Throwing all kinds of crap in my face and now I may have to go back to court because he's refusing to pay for what he was court ordered to pay for, etc. I'm tired of his immaturity, his NO FILTER crap, and I am letting it get to me.....if I'm honest.

My XAH also got my son kicked off the HS tennis team because he filled out the paperwork wrong with the school district. My son was the captain and number 1 varsity player. The whole team is ticked off as is the coach and my XAH is pissed, to say the least, because he feels it's unfair as he wasn't given a chance to fix his error on the paperwork. The athletic director and my XAH got into a fight and it didn't go well and the athletic director wouldn't back down. Anyway, this is a total bummer for my son. Not because he got a lot out of HS tennis, but because he knew the team and his friends were counting on him to win matches and to help their ranking in the school district. Sigh......

So, I'm bummed.....
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Old 02-12-2017, 07:35 AM
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You might have addressed this in an earlier thread, but I think it bears asking again anyway, Liz: is this license for which you're studying what you really want to do with your career?

I'm not suggesting it isn't, and it's possible that all this other crap that's happening over which you have no control is getting to you, but I know that when there is an obstacle standing between me and something I want very much, there is almost nothing that can stop me from doing everything I can to prepare to tackle it.

So I guess the question is, is it time to start asking yourself why you're doing this, or is it time to focusing on letting go of the things you can't control so you can focus on the things you can?
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Old 02-12-2017, 07:42 AM
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Good question....

Yes, I truly do want to pass this exam. Finance is all I've known as a career. I have no idea what other abilities or talents I have in my bag right now because I spent 16 years out of the work force and I have no idea what I'd even be good at.

If I had a lot of money or more time, maybe I'd go back to school(not even sure for what, though). But, I don't have much money left in savings. I'm barely holding my finances together as it is. I don't have time to keep taking low paying jobs that don't cover my bills and expenses.

If I pass my licensing exams, I am far more marketable to other companies and for other career paths, even if this one doesn't pan out.

I do know that I had severe test anxiety both times I took the exam and it didn't hit me until I walked in to the testing facility. I need to figure out how to combat that at this point.

If I lose this job, I have no idea what I could even apply for because my experience is so limited. I constantly beat myself up for becoming dependent on my ex financially and for NOT staying in the work force for so many years. The whole career thing, or lack thereof, is depressing to me at this point.
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Old 02-12-2017, 07:53 AM
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Okay, so that answers that.

I hope you can find a way to let go of beating yourself up for choices you made in the past. All the pummeling in the world isn't going to change them! They were the right decision for you at the time, with the information you had. That's the best any of us can ever ask for.

You mentioned potentially going back to school...maybe it would help reduce your anxiety if you were to take a little pressure off of this test. This test is a stepping stone. It's not the end-all, be-all; it's a tool that will help you have the financial independence and freedom that will allow you to ask yourself, and not just theoretically, "What do I want to study now that I can afford to go back to school?"
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Old 02-13-2017, 03:08 AM
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liza is there anyone who can help you with this? Like a study buddy or friend who can ask you questions? Coach you a bit?

I've used friends and family for this purpose over the years. They don't necessarily have to know the subject, just have some of the reading matter. You'll learn twice as fast by interacting with someone.
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Old 02-13-2017, 05:10 AM
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Hi there Liza

Study buddy may be helpful

Many times we think we did not grasp things - when in fact we are further along than we are....

Do you know what section was the worst for you last time you took the exam? You may already be doing it - but I'd target that one first

Not sure what finance jobs you are looking for - I landed one in financial planning and analysis right out of college - and I was not even a finance major. I took one finance class - Finance 101. I was there for 8 years when I decided to finally switch to marketing (which was my major). I had no certifications of any kind....

Even (worst case scenario) if you don't pass it - there may be options out there you are not thinking about right now


Good luck - you can do it!
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Old 02-13-2017, 08:32 AM
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Hi friend.

Question, do they offer anything to divide the test up or take it any differently? I have a friend with severe test anxiety. She was able to split a test in two and finally passed it that way. I agree, SCHEDULE the time, with a study buddy if possible. Even w/out the study buddy, schedule the time to study just to make yourself do it.

No wonder you are having a hard time. Ugh. Living with the X's in our lives is a nightmare. It does sound pretty ridiculous that your son got kicked off a team b/c something was wrong on a form. That seems extreme. I hate that for him, and I hate that you are going through this.

Just know friend that we are here with you, supporting you. You can do this.

Tight hugs!
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Old 02-13-2017, 11:02 AM
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Liz, help me out here but wasn't the route of taking the exam, etc your BF's idea? maybe i got the story wrong, but i thought you started working at his firm and he suggested you take the exam??

honey, take time and be really HONEST with yourself - don't let this be a choice simply because you feel you HAVE no other choice. that's like settling for a bad marriage.................been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

you are skilled and capable. THIS particular venture just might not be your THING. and it is perfectly OK if it's not. if you won't do it for yourself, I the great and mighty Anvil, GRANT you PERMISSION to change your mind!!!!
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Old 02-13-2017, 11:25 AM
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I'm sorry this is such a struggle for you right now Liz. I know you've worked SO hard to try to jump this hurdle & it's just not coming together easily. I know people who have worked in this industry for years & still struggle with the testing - you are definitely not alone.

I brought up the same points as sparklekitty & anvil in previous threads about this - I keep hearing you say you HAVE to & NEED to do this, but I don't ever get the impression that you WANT it. I'm sure that's playing into your lack of interest about studying.

These situations are always so difficult for me to manage - I can't force myself to connect to the information when I don't have any passion for the topic - I just have to put blinders on to everything else & force myself to buckle down until it's over. Good Luck!!
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Old 02-13-2017, 11:44 AM
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Hi Liz you need this....... hugs and prayers from me you can do this I know it...
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Old 02-13-2017, 08:13 PM
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Hi Lizatola,
I second the suggestion of finding a study buddy. Maybe you could ask your son to quiz you? He might get a kick out of helping mom to study, given that it's usually the other way around.

If there is no one available, make sure that you close the book after reading a section, jot down what you recall, and then go back to review to make sure you got it. Even if your son doesn't want to quiz you, you could tell him about what you're studying. Just knowing that we're going to have to explain something to someone else often helps us check our own understanding.

Finally, ask questions of the material (who would need this? What is this process called? Why is it necessary? How many steps does it require to do ________? etc.) All of those tricks help us to read actively so we retain the information better.
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Old 02-13-2017, 08:31 PM
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At this point, you guys, I don't even know WHAT I want. As I noted before, I don't know what abilities I have or what I'm even capable of. I was in finance long before my bf was in this area. I had my licensing 20 years ago. There is no reason I can't go for a job that I don't know I want in the meantime to at least further my chance of getting better pay.

the reason he pushed me towards this was because I hated, and I mean hated, where I was at before and every job I interviewed for I seemed overqualified or under qualified. He always offered me an out and let me know that the decision was always mine.

I chose to do this because it made sense. I knew that if I failed starting a career off, I could at least use the licensing to add to my resume and make me more marketable. Plenty of companies want you if you have your insurance, securities, and securities law licenses. It doesn't have to be a definitive career path, just something to help me get out of debt and to get some real job experience that is viable.

This is necessary, whether I want this as a career path or not. Because if you asked me what I wanted to do, I'd tell you, "I have no freaking clue!" The world is very different than when I was working 20 years ago. I'm at a loss.
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Old 02-13-2017, 09:24 PM
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Liz....I have to retake my National board exam every six years, to keep my license.
Just as yours...these exams are a Bear!
I can tell you that I am a mess as I am studying before every exam....just like you describe...lol. I get anxiety about the material...I feel like I get stoopider, the closer the exam gets....I wonder why in the world I put myself through this stuff...By exam day...I hate everything about it.....That happens, every single time!

Looking at this from just a practical angle---the exam is so close, now...and, you have already studied so much. You acknowledge that passing would be an asset, in any situation....
Just follow you study schedule....put the "big picture" agonizing on ice, for the next three weeks.....
Take the attitude..."If I pass...I pass"....:If I don't, I don't".....either way, you are going to be o.k.
One damn exam is not all of life....Y our l ife is bigger than this....
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Old 02-14-2017, 06:41 AM
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Hey Liz, maybe you should work the other direction,
and see if you can't find someone who specializes in exams / exam anxiety.

Lots of people have this issue.
They have specialized training for many exams, and you might be able
to work with someone who can help you with "strategy and confidence"
which sounds like the real issue--not knowledge.

I teach in a university, and I've seen many students who have this exact problem.

It is possible to overcome--sending you a hug

P.S.
Your ex is still an asshat.
Put his and his issues on the back burner as much as you can and let the court sort it out.
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Old 02-14-2017, 08:05 AM
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Originally Posted by lizatola View Post
Because if you asked me what I wanted to do, I'd tell you, "I have no freaking clue!" .... I'm at a loss.
Trust me Liz, I COMPLETELY understand this feeling - I fully understand why you are torn in two over all of this. I'm in a very similar boat having taken job after job because it was the "right" move, I worked myself right out of taking charge of any direction in my life. I love my employer & my work environment but the work is the furthest thing from satisfying.... and I also have no clue what WOULD fulfill that passion for me. It's difficult to realize that I'm still so disconnected from myself, but progress not perfection, right?
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Old 02-14-2017, 08:41 AM
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I, too, think you DO know the material, and there is something about the test-taking that is hanging you up. Is there any way you could get a big book of practice tests and just practice, pretty much nonstop, between now and then? If it turns out, through doing that, that there are certain subject areas you are still not sure of, you can do some extra study in those areas. Otherwise, I have a feeling you won't be addressing what is really causing you not to pass.
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Old 02-14-2017, 11:20 AM
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sounds more like you're going in for a triple root canal..............

i will caution you against thinking you have only ONE option and this MUST happen or you'll be homeless and destitute in a week's time. or that you will NEVER get hired in any type of meaningful work. your time MIGHT be better spent exploring what you DO want.....if you don't have a freakin' clue, it's time to get one!!!
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Old 02-15-2017, 12:04 PM
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You sound like my BF. He suggested that I start my own business if this doesn't work out. He has all kinds of faith and belief in me, but I looked at him like a deer in the headlights. Honestly, if there's any pressure on me, it comes from within. And, I still have no idea what I would like to do or what my talents are. The only way I'm going to learn is by pushing myself to accomplish one thing at a time, and this test (and the following tests) are a big part of what I see is my bigger plan. I don't have to stay in finance, but I can at least grow and learn through this process.

So, yes, I did sign up for an outside program and paid for their 1300 question test 'bank' along with their mastery test and simulated practice test.
We also have a fantastic study line and I don't think I used their assistance as much as I should have. I intend to start reaching out twice a day to work though problems or think through where I am missing the 'point' of the testing material itself. And, I'm working through the company videos on bonds and options today which were helpful to me the first time around but I forgot to use them on my second time around.

I also was encouraged to reach out to our EAP program with the company to help me with test anxiety. A friend of mine who failed it the first time said she really got a lot of support and help from them and she felt it helped her pass.
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Old 02-15-2017, 12:07 PM
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Oh my gosh yes. If you have an EAP utilize it for all it's worth, they are a great resource!
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Old 02-15-2017, 12:12 PM
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Good, sounds like you've got a good plan.

I contemplated "starting my own business" (freelance writing/editing) before I took this job (the job announcement came the week I retired but it took three months to hear after I sent in my resume), and honestly, I was freaking out. I am NOT cut out to be an entrepreneur. Too many details to worry about. I much prefer to show up, do my job, and get a paycheck with benefits. Everyone is different. Some people find being their own boss freeing--for me, it would be an unending source of anxiety.
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