Flashbacked
 

I had an unsettling experience last night. I had been talking to this guy for a few weeks and due to the purchase of the home and me trying to get it ready and find a tenant we didn't schedule a date until last night. I'm thinking, "wow, he's being so thoughtful and understanding of how busy I am" when in reality I don't know if he ever really planned to go out with me at all. I'm bummed because he seemed great to talk to and it seemed like he had his stuff together. So what happened?

Last night the tenants moved in and we have been getting hit hard with snow. I had a terrible experience hiring help to remove the snow and I spent most of yesterday removing the fallout. The guy left behind a lot of packed snow and I've been trying to figure out how to get rid of it. Anyway, I put my feet up for the first time at 6:30, and started to get ready to go out. The guy I was meeting had picked a place and I agreed and I told him to meet me at 8. Around 7 I asked him if we could push it back to 8:30 (he lives about 20 minutes away) as the day went longer than I expected. The tenant's heat wasn't kicking on so I was also a little anxious and wanted to make sure everything else was set before I left for the night. Anyway, he reacted very strangely and started saying I was wishy washy and never committed (?) and that he was... hangry... and was going to get food with or without me. Seemed like an extreme response for requesting an additional 30 minutes after busting my butt all day, and I told him if he wanted to eat then he should eat as I didn't want to meet him when he was in a bad mood. I had been talking to him throughout the past two weeks and keeping him updated on what I had been dealing with so he knew about everything...

Another thing that came up was when I tried to get him to talk about himself he completely shut me down. He actually said "I don't do autobiographies here's a pic of my dog instead".

I know that confusion is not a good sign and MAN was I confused last night. It was like he was already trying to pick a fight. I told him to go eat something and he said, "deal"... whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. It was so similar to what I went through with the ex but I was rather blindsided by it last night. What the frig happened? I don't get it. Apparently I also didn't seem excited enough for him... did I hurt his ego? Should I have been texting him all day inbetween shoveling and salting and trying to make sure my tenants had HEAT? Ugh, I'm so bummed this happened.

Good Morning

Seems to me as if you may have just dodged another bullet. What is he? 12 years old? Someone obviously is looking out for you! Swipe left my love and move on....
Ro

Hmmm.....won't talk about himself when asked and snaps at you for no reason?

Red flags in my opinion....Danger Will Robinson!!!

I shudder when I think about what could've happened a couple years ago...

My inner dialogue - Oh no he's hungry gotta go can't make him mad, hurry up! Maybe I don't need to shovel so much or ice so much I mean he IS driving 20 minutes to see me and I'm just down the street and ugh he's hungry I feel so bad and what if I don't meet another guy and he's been so nice to me and....

you get the point!

Now my inner dialogue is saying oh hell no! We haven't even officially started dating and this crap is already happening? No way in hell

Did the tenant's heat kick in? Far more important.
Kidding. He sounds kinda jerky. Well, he sounds like he was hungry, which was his prob, not yours.
He also sounds kinda jerky.

Yes! They have heat :) thank goodness. It was something so silly. The guy who cleaned the chimney must've switched it off, hooray for easy fixes.

I do think he was cranky from not eating but the whole thing felt weird. He accused me of not being excited yet I got the feeling that he didn't really want to go... I told him I wasn't his keeper and if he needed to eat he should eat... have a snack or something to tie you over. Don't jump on me because I asked for 30 minutes. Sometimes I feel like when I try to be upfront it bites me in the ass. I could've just shown up late

Yeah, this kind of reaction before you have even had one date does not bode well, Expanding! I think I would throw this one back if I were you...

What happened? You dodged a bullet. (God may have even sent that extra snow for that very reason.) PHEW!!!

E,
They say when people show you who they are, believe them the first time.

Hugs my friend, doesn't sound like someone you want around long-term.

For me, I guess I'd ask myself if I was meeting someone for a first date, would I treat him that way? The answer would be a resounding NO!

A guy worthy of you would have said "gosh, sounds like you're "snowed under", bad pun intended! Is there something I can do to help you, and then we'll see how you feel when we're done?" At the very least, he would have said "oh, no problem--is a half hour enough? Do you want to reschedule, in light of how your day has been?"

I agree, this guy goes in the same bin as Wisconsin's "first date" who showed up at the park w/a "go beer" in a big plastic cup and who excused himself to go pee in the woods!

He sounds horrible - glad you discovered this early on!
You deserve way better.

Oh gosh honeypig I didn't even think of him offering to help! It's funny considering how I'm offered help even just loading stuff into my car by strangers in The Home Depot parking lot...

I know it's his loss but I'm still in disbelief. Was not expecting that

Your HP's got your back ;-)

Yeah, I kept thinking about that story and every time, I come to the same conclusion--a nice guy wouldn't act like that, plain and simple. Eat a piece of toast if you're hungry, don't bitch about it! And offer to help someone who's overwhelmed, don't complain about what an inconvenience it is to YOU that they're overwhelmed! What a butthead...

And like they say around here, when you're new to each other, that is likely the BEST he's got to show you. Yikes, who wants to stick around for the plain-vanilla, everyday stuff if THIS is his idea of putting on his best face for you?

Shudder.

Block him. Yikes.

I wondered if this was a test... at any rate I happily failed

Expanding....in the dating world, one has to grow a thick skin...(for your own protection)....
You say that "you weren't expecting this"....but, you can expect to get a lot of wormy apples. Looks, good on the outside--but, one bite---and ewweeu!
Everybody goes through this.

"Many will come, but few will be chosen" (author unknown).....

Actually, if my landlord thought a date was more important than heat, I'd be looking for a new landlord.

Two guesses: attached, and had planned to be home by a certain time. I've done the internet dating, and believe the figure tossed about that 1/3 of the people with active profiles are already in a relationship.

If I wanted to provide a more generous assessment, I'd say he's been stood up a couple times, and he figured you'd eventually cancel, or worse, NCNS.

That would be my generous assessment, but someone who isn't going to roll with the punches of internet connecting would be someone I wouldn't want to meet. If you don't have a sense of humor about this stuff, you're practically dead in the water.

The very first man I dated after AH became Late AH drove out to my house to loan me his roof rake. it didn't work out long term, but *that* is the kind of person you want to meet.

Doesn't sound like great dating material. In his defense, he may have been jerked around by a lot of the people he's met online. So he might be seeing red flags of his own in YOUR behavior. I'm not suggesting there's anything wrong (at ALL) with your request to reschedule, just that you don't have to be all outraged about it. It's apparent you aren't a good match right now, so move on. Not that big a deal.

Glad you're getting things squared away with the move. Nothing ever goes perfectly, but you're dealing with it.

Hugs!

Okay. Here is another dating dilemma. Met a man with good character... So far anyway... Tells me he is a non drinker and a recovered alcoholic. I am thinking of telling him just can not do it at this point. Although I did go on one date with him through an internet site. Before I found out he is in recovery. Darn. He seems like a nice guy but I am too fearful.