kfa2004

As most of you know my AH and I have been together for 25 years. We have had good times and bad with the bad being real bad. Several times he has messed up really badly and scared himself enough to be able to manage to control his drinking for long periods of time. The most recent time being several months ago. He and his OW are now living in Louisiana with his elderly Mother. He has his family believing that he is a normal drinker and does not have any problems with anger or alcohol. I am now getting messages from his family telling me that everything in our marriage was my fault and that my AH does not have a problem.

He is very good at hiding his problem from people that he does not want to know about it. I guess he needs for them to help with his denial.

Does anyone else have a quaking family of in-laws? I am so tired. I have taken all of this from him for years and now I get to hear it from his family. I know I should not care but I would think that after 25 years they would know me better than that. I guess I give them too much credit.

Hugs to you all. Have a good night.

ChillGal

I would block myself from receiving their emails. If he is living with another woman at your inlaws they will all find out soon enough that it wasn't you. You just rememeber the 3 Cs. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. Also a failed marriage is NEVER just one person's fault. It takes 2. You have put up with a lot I am sure, so put a stop to the emails. Better still put a cute little saying to return to them that will let them know they are wasting their time. I know you must still care but spend that time on taking care of yourself. IIf they are being nasty enough to send you bad emails then they are not worth your time and effort. Take care of yourself and let them deal with him.

Cap3

Hi Kfoa2004,....YOU,...know the truth...Its nice to be validated.But sometimes it just doesnt happen,from the folks that i wanted it from.At first i was hurt,from my in-laws.But as im living in recovery,im eventually feeling better.Was asked by my sponsor to pray for these folks.What?Yuk!..at first but i did it for 2 weeks or more.Eventually i felt better about them.And heres one that might be helpful to you.Although they pointed the fingers at me,blaming me for his drinking,,and all that "stuff",sickness that goes with the alcoholic family,In the end,when hub was in rehab,they admitted to me,that yes he had a problem,on his own.And get this,,alcoholism was in the family.They had 3 uncles who were alcoholics.I didnt know this.And of course they never let on.So what i learned from this is that ya just never know what goes on in the insides of another.Or behind closed doors.The outer appearence,can be just that,,appearence.Their actions,was a lie,to what they know is truth.They let on to me,that no way could this be happening to a member of THEIR,family.Go figure..lol.By the time they became honest with me,i had already,gone past wanting or needing them,to validate me,it was of no importance anymore.For i know what the truth is,and that is all that matters.and looked for ...my...part in all the scuddffles.And work on my recovery.Today their is forgiveness.And a good sence of humor.

gelfling

Hi KFA,

You see and know everything that's going on. You're not stupid. Your program has taught you and you're growing.

You don't have anything to explain to your inlaws....I tried after my husband went into rehab and they called me a no good controlling bi*** and accused me of forcing him to go, etc. They never saw what I lived with. He was just their little brother who wouldn't say **** for a mouth full.

Detachment is a wonderful practice. Considering he's living away from you with someone else, it's time for you to get yourself well and regain your sanity. What happens over yonder with him and them should no longer be a concern of yours. Sorry if I sound gruff, but you're the only one who seems to care about what goes on in his life.

Another thing to remember; blood is thicker then water. Even if they see his problem, they won't acknowledge it and if they do, it's going to be your fault. They need a swift kick for allowing him to live with OW when he's got you. What a screwed up mess. You don't need it. Love yourself and be good to yourself.

Kathy

kfa2004

Thanks to all of you. Yes, I do know what happened and what I lived with. I know I should not care what he is doing or not doing, but I do. Sometimes he can still make me doubt my own sanity. I have gotten a lot better in the last couple of months. I no longer sit and cry all the time. I was just shocked I guess, but I should have known, after all he is telling them that I was a terrible b....ch and could never make him happy.
Just hit a never I guess.
Hugs
Kat