thanks, and update on the monitoring saga
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 430
thanks, and update on the monitoring saga
Hi all,
I just wanted to say thank you to all who bucked me up when I hesitated about how to respond to STBXAH's request to discontinue sobriety monitoring.
I ghost-wrote the letter for my attorney to send his attorney, explaining that I am very grateful for his willingness to do the monitoring over the past year, but since SoberLink appears to be the factor that keeps him from drinking when he has our children, I'm not willing to discontinue it.
Privately I told my attorney that if STBXAH wants to take it to court, so be it. If a judge believes in STBXAH's denial more than in my desire to protect our kids, I'll have to live with it but, as some of you pointed out, I'll be in a stronger position if something were to happen in the future, to argue that I should have 100% custody.
Also, I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't try my hardest to protect our kids.
I just keep turning it around in my head: if I were the alcoholic, I would want him to do exactly what I'm doing, to make sure our children are okay.
Wish me luck . . . .
I just wanted to say thank you to all who bucked me up when I hesitated about how to respond to STBXAH's request to discontinue sobriety monitoring.
I ghost-wrote the letter for my attorney to send his attorney, explaining that I am very grateful for his willingness to do the monitoring over the past year, but since SoberLink appears to be the factor that keeps him from drinking when he has our children, I'm not willing to discontinue it.
Privately I told my attorney that if STBXAH wants to take it to court, so be it. If a judge believes in STBXAH's denial more than in my desire to protect our kids, I'll have to live with it but, as some of you pointed out, I'll be in a stronger position if something were to happen in the future, to argue that I should have 100% custody.
Also, I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't try my hardest to protect our kids.
I just keep turning it around in my head: if I were the alcoholic, I would want him to do exactly what I'm doing, to make sure our children are okay.
Wish me luck . . . .
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Good for you...I can only hope that the very fact that he is challenging this requirement is a mark against him.
One thought...trying to "turn things around" and think the way he would think may not do you any favors because that assumes your values...responsibility, caring for your children's welfare above all...are his values. People in the throes of advanced addiction have very few values left. They have been extinguished by one thing: the pursuit of the substance.
Sending you a hug.
One thought...trying to "turn things around" and think the way he would think may not do you any favors because that assumes your values...responsibility, caring for your children's welfare above all...are his values. People in the throes of advanced addiction have very few values left. They have been extinguished by one thing: the pursuit of the substance.
Sending you a hug.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 430
Aries--
I expressed that clumsily. I meant if I were the alcoholic, and he were the one thinking clearly, I would hope that he would put protecting our children above my desire to stop the monitoring, despite what my alcohol-addled brain might want. Does that make sense? He's so good at making it sound like I'm being controlling or illogical that it really helps me to think about it the other way around, and then to imagine what I would want him to do.
I expressed that clumsily. I meant if I were the alcoholic, and he were the one thinking clearly, I would hope that he would put protecting our children above my desire to stop the monitoring, despite what my alcohol-addled brain might want. Does that make sense? He's so good at making it sound like I'm being controlling or illogical that it really helps me to think about it the other way around, and then to imagine what I would want him to do.
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