Why do alcoholics deny being drunk?
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Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth 
Are we really arguing about what constitutes being drunk in this scenario???
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Well, as an alcoholic, myself, with eight years of sobriety, I respectfully disagree. I used to play those kinds of mind games with myself all the time (whether, at any given time, I was "drunk" or not). Generally it was in the context of promises I made to myself not to get "drunk" on a particular occasion or in a particular setting. I was living by myself a large portion of that time, so I wasn't fielding questions from anyone else.
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Easy does it people. Please limit your posts as responses to the original poster. If you want to engage in a side discussion please start a new thread and don't hijack this one.
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Mike
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My lies in response to this question had many motives. First, I had to protect my ongoing drinking and admitting I was "drunk" meant that I shouldn't drink any more that day. Second, such an admission inevitably leads to more questions, and alcoholics don't like to answer questions about their drinking. Third, as the disease progresses it takes more and more for us to feel like we are drunk.
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I am six years gratefully sober, when I drank I now see I mostly lied to keep myself in denial. To hide from myself what my behaviour and actions were doing to others and my own life. Also when in that deep pit, I didn't realise how drunk I was. To me I still felt sober and thought I was acting normally. I now know this isn't true.
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Because alcoholics by definition, cannot control their intake - so when they/we get drunk, the brain is not functioning clearly, and the genuine belief is that they/we are not drunk...but really are. When people are impaired, they can't accurately gauge whether they are or are not drunk...
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Originally Posted by Carlotta
Probably because when someone ask: Have you been drinking? There is a 99% percent chance that they don't really have your best interest at heart.
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In regard to the OP's original question---Why can't there be multiple reasons that a person who is thoroughly inebriated might deny it, when asked?
The various reasons that have been cited by the above posters might be operating in unison, I think.....
I can see how a person might feel guilty, or be unaware of their own level of impairment, or trying to avoid "getting in trouble" with some disapproving person, and in denial....all at the same time......
I can see a parallel with, say---if you ask why a person in a dysfunctional or abusive relationship doesn' just leave---you will get a list of their possible reasons that is a mile long. And...one or two, or several of those reasons might apply to a given individual at the same time.....
The various reasons that have been cited by the above posters might be operating in unison, I think.....
I can see how a person might feel guilty, or be unaware of their own level of impairment, or trying to avoid "getting in trouble" with some disapproving person, and in denial....all at the same time......
I can see a parallel with, say---if you ask why a person in a dysfunctional or abusive relationship doesn' just leave---you will get a list of their possible reasons that is a mile long. And...one or two, or several of those reasons might apply to a given individual at the same time.....
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Originally Posted by choublak
They deny being drunk when drunk. I know drunks deny being drunk, but I'd like to know why.
Because I didn't think I was drunk "enough" for anyone to tell
Because I didn't want to admit it to myself or face (admit) that I had hurt [ ] again
Because I thought I was fine to drive or [ ]
Because my ability to see clearly or assess (anything) honestly was near zero when I was drunk
Because I didn't care if I lied
.......Because I'm an alcoholic.
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Originally Posted by SoloMio
In my case, I think AH simply doesn't want to admit they've been drinking but for some reason they think they can convince you of it despite all evidence to the contrary.
Today is our 40th wedding anniversary. We planned on going out to a nice restaurant for brunch. I figured that it's brunch--how drunk could he be at 9:00am. How naive of me.
He was so excited about our anniversary he was awake at 3am and pretty much drank from 3am until 9am. He was wasted. So I told him that perhaps we should forget brunch and do dinner, as long as he doesn't drink anymore, and he actually protested that he hadn't been drinking. He was drooling on himself, and slurring and having trouble dressing, but nooo he wasn't drinking!
He implicitly admitted he had been drinking by agreeing to skip brunch. We wound up going out for dinner early; he had sobered up enough. We were home by 7:00 and he's already in bed sleeping. Ahhh, sweet peace!
Today is our 40th wedding anniversary. We planned on going out to a nice restaurant for brunch. I figured that it's brunch--how drunk could he be at 9:00am. How naive of me.
He was so excited about our anniversary he was awake at 3am and pretty much drank from 3am until 9am. He was wasted. So I told him that perhaps we should forget brunch and do dinner, as long as he doesn't drink anymore, and he actually protested that he hadn't been drinking. He was drooling on himself, and slurring and having trouble dressing, but nooo he wasn't drinking!
He implicitly admitted he had been drinking by agreeing to skip brunch. We wound up going out for dinner early; he had sobered up enough. We were home by 7:00 and he's already in bed sleeping. Ahhh, sweet peace!
This seems sad to me Solo--you deserve so much more.
I remember being so happy if my mom wasn't drunk just mean
on her birthday.
What a way I spent so many years of my life--my barometer of
happiness based on their amount of consumption and pass-out times of peace.
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
This seems sad to me Solo--you deserve so much more.
I remember being so happy if my mom wasn't drunk just mean
on her birthday.
What a way I spent so many years of my life--my barometer of
happiness based on their amount of consumption and pass-out times of peace.
Sorry for the thread hijack, but just to briefly continue: I just feel it's time at this point.. I think when my kids came at Christmas and saw how ridiculous and unmanageable simple things were because of his drinking now... planning and eating a decent meal, because he's the cook, and God forbid we usurp his role in the kitchen and gently suggest that someone else cook.
Or he spends $800 on theatre tickets on Christmas Eve (from my credit card of course) but he's so drunk he can't go at all, and then DS was so worried about him he stayed home to babysit. Apparently, while the rest of us were at the theatre, AH had tipped his chair backwards on to the floor with him in it and passed out and DS tried in vain to get him upright.
I've always felt that we have a magical family (and we do) and that if I disrupted it, I would be the Disrupter. But I know now that my kids would give me full support for whatever decision I make--in fact I've always had their full support, but just fell back on that empty narrative.
At that point--and then thinking about how completely straightjacketed I am in terms of these simple things that other people do all the time--like just go to a movie if they feel like it, or plan a little weekend trip to relax--I realized how my life is not at all aligned with my values. I am in a prison of my own choosing. And then I read this article on Facebook which is great in its entirety, but the most important quote I read was this:
On your last day on earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become.
More and more I dislike the person I am--resentful, angry, held back from doing what I want to do, making good on huge amounts of debt that arose because of alcoholism. Yes, Hawkeye, I can do better.
Oops, long hijack!
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