Am I Justified or Overreacting?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 93
Deal breaker. Instead of looking at the glass half empty, look at it as half full and that you only had 11 months into it. I put my lovely wife through 20 years of my **** poor behavior and while I'm sober and in a great place mentally, she still isn't ready to partner with me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by Ariesagain 
He has a problem with alcohol. It's affecting his health, his relationship with you, and his finances, at a minimum.
It's amazing how often on this thread it comes up that it was a short courtship with an "instant connection." Points to you for not saying "soul mate" or "meant to be."
I'm not really making light of it, because it's so very painful, but if you stay around and read other threads you will see you have lots of company. You did the right thing in getting fed up with it and trying to get on with your life...until he can see that he has a problem his road leads nowhere but down. No sense in going with him.
Going no contact can be the fastest way to closure. Block his calls and texts, change the locks and return his mail.
No good can come from his addiction until he sincerely chooses a different path and that doesn't sound likely.
It's amazing how often on this thread it comes up that it was a short courtship with an "instant connection." Points to you for not saying "soul mate" or "meant to be."
I'm not really making light of it, because it's so very painful, but if you stay around and read other threads you will see you have lots of company. You did the right thing in getting fed up with it and trying to get on with your life...until he can see that he has a problem his road leads nowhere but down. No sense in going with him.
Going no contact can be the fastest way to closure. Block his calls and texts, change the locks and return his mail.
No good can come from his addiction until he sincerely chooses a different path and that doesn't sound likely.
Your story is a familiar one. In the beginning they are always amazing. They don't seem to drink excessively because they hide it. Then when you start to see it you become the cause or the bad guy. This is nothing personal, you're just an easy target. The manipulation that comes when you leave if the only way to keep you emotionally trapped...and it works damn good. You feel guilt, right? You feel bad, right? It's working. Turn it around. Let's say you were doing these things to him. Would that be acceptable behavior to you? Would you ever blame him for your problems? Yes...he has a disease but it's his choice to fix it, which he's not doing. You're justified.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: uk
Posts: 665
I think the instant connection we feel is when we meet someone who has matching dysfunction to our own. Like two pieces of a jigsaw, we instantly slot into place.
With the knowledge I now have, I can see this was how every relationship I have had started.
To stop repeating this pattern, I am working my al-anon program to change and heal myself.
With the knowledge I now have, I can see this was how every relationship I have had started.
To stop repeating this pattern, I am working my al-anon program to change and heal myself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 301
Unless he gets a long-period of sobriety under his belt, I would stay far away (until he proves himself in a clear-headed committed way). I have been that guy plenty of times and left a lot of wreckage in my wake. Better to steer clear...
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