I think this was a SR member - HAUNTS ME

Old 01-28-2017, 06:31 PM
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One other consideration--I'm assuming that notification emails have your user name--which opens up the possibility of reading all of the person's posts.
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Old 01-28-2017, 06:32 PM
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Sent the following -
Hello morning glory!

We at the Family & Friends Of Alcoholics forum are wondering if when folks join SR the option to get email notifications of PMs is defaulted to "on" or "off."

We ask this because apparently someone who posted about their experience of abuse on the forum recently committed suicide & killed their baby. We are brainstorming ways to reach out to members who post, then disappear, just to say "hey, how are you doing?"

I suggested that we PM them, because they get an email notification. When I was relapsing last year, Soberwolf did this multiple times, & it brought me back here. Lexicat noted that she does not get emails when she is PMed.

So, we wanted to ask which was the default (on or off), and if the default is "off" formally request that it be switched to "on" so we have more statistical opportunity to reach out to folks who disappear.

Please let me know.

Heartcore
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Old 01-28-2017, 06:33 PM
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Lexie - that is a concern in abuse! The option to turn it off might insert that safety, but folks wouldn't necessarily know to use it.

Ideas?
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Old 01-28-2017, 06:35 PM
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I'm re-PMing morning glory to change the request & just ask for the info...
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Old 01-28-2017, 06:39 PM
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"Morning glory -

Ok. Scratch that request.

We would still like to know what the default is, but Lexiecat pointed out that in abuse situations, a persons email could be monitored by their abuser, so a default of "no" would make more sense.

Very good point!!

Please just chime in on the thread when you are able!"

H
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Old 01-28-2017, 06:45 PM
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Its a reminder of life in the raw. Often Alanon meetings go fine but sometimes somebody shows up in really bad shape- we had a self-stated suicidal father who had just relapsed on heroin after learning his son had just OD'ed and died. A buddy got the guy out of the house and they landed in our Alanon meeting. He spent the hour just sitting there not saying anything and just before we wrapped up the meeting he told his story. We went 20 mins or so over because the fantastic women in the meeting started sharing with the guy their stories of suicide attempts, homelessness, drugs and recovery. I knew some of them had pretty rough pasts but man they sure stepped up. One is a social worker and gave the guy some leads near his house, the others rallied around like I never saw before. He left in better spirits I hope to get news of him someday. I gave him my # along with the rest but figure its chump change compared to the message those ladies carried. That memory like this story is a firm reminder to me how serious family issues related to addiction are. Sometimes its a maybe a win to have the AA/Alanon/NA face-to-face at that critical moment but thats only a small percentage of all those out here, maybe lots of them only hear about recovery on boards like this.
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Old 01-28-2017, 06:45 PM
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Lexiecat - thanks for the catch!! Multiple brains make delicious pudding!
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Old 01-28-2017, 08:27 PM
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Hi Everyone,

I am so very sad and troubled by this story, too. I love that you are brain-storming and trying to come up with ways to help more. Personally, I want to do more too. This incident, whether or not it was our member, is a terrible loss.

MG will weigh in on this. My experience is, that sometimes people are quite upset to find numerous emails from SR in their mailbox, and clearly in abusive situations this could be potentially damaging.
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Old 01-28-2017, 08:34 PM
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Message from morning glory - she says the default is "no."

I must have overrode it when I signed up.

I agree with Lexiecat that this is best in regards to abusive others.

I'll still continue my PMing side-project though, in hopes that a personal message will sometimes reconnect people who have drifted away!
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Old 01-28-2017, 08:49 PM
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I just went and checked again and the default was changed to yes. I changed it back to no notifications.
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Old 01-28-2017, 09:38 PM
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I think it's fine to try sending a pm, just in case the person does get a notification. And remember, too, that just because someone isn't posting doesn't mean he or she isn't still reading. Sometimes folks feel the need to step away while they are figuring things out, and find it easier to do that without actively engaging on the forum. Just because someone isn't posting doesn't mean they are despairing or not making progress. Think about the folks who post updates months or years later, to report how they've gotten their lives back on track. It's important to remember we aren't the only source of help people have.

I'm really proud to know so many deeply caring people here.
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