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not again...so disgusted

Old 01-26-2017, 09:58 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I should add that we have a six year old who doesn't seem to know that anything is going on, and thinks Daddy hung the moon.
************************************************** ***********************************

I say this with deepest compassion, don't be fooled - your child has seen and probably heard more than you think. Six might be young to understand but they can still know something is not right.

For instance, my 10 year old does not quiet understand how alcohol is a disease but I caught her rummaging thru my husband's truck looking for bottles or empties and I realized she only learned that from watching ME!

Alanon, Codependent No More, Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage, develop a plan.
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Old 01-26-2017, 09:02 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by knowthetriggers View Post
I should add that we have a six year old who doesn't seem to know that anything is going on, and thinks Daddy hung the moon.
************************************************** ***********************************

I say this with deepest compassion, don't be fooled - your child has seen and probably heard more than you think. Six might be young to understand but they can still know something is not right.

For instance, my 10 year old does not quiet understand how alcohol is a disease but I caught her rummaging thru my husband's truck looking for bottles or empties and I realized she only learned that from watching ME!

Alanon, Codependent No More, Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage, develop a plan.
My daughter was not yet three when my mother caught her on the steps with her head in her hands. Why? "I'm worried about daddy."

I wasn't even aware yet of his alcoholism (we are divorced) but when I look back at the journals they did at ages 3 and 4, all the signs are there: pictures and dictated stories about being scared by daddy, acting out - the pattern was so clear once I finally understood what was happening. They knew and were impacted all along.
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Old 01-27-2017, 06:47 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I knew about my mom's drinking even as a very small child--
especially the fighting and drama around it.

It is very damaging and I learned some bad role modeling on relationship dynamics
and drinking. I ended up alcoholic too, quite common for children
who grow up with alcoholic parents.
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Old 01-27-2017, 07:27 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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The kids see it <all>. The addiction and acting out have occurred in front of them, they will also observe whatever recovery occurs even if they don't understand it- and both have effects.

The drinking and fighting in my family of origin was kept entirely behind doors until the latter got too big to hide, but I knew it was going on and over time the former has become more clear. The emotional & physical isolation between the mother and father can't be hidden. I was out of the house by the time my brother observed my father searching the trash for the empty bottles and my dad moved out months later.

IMHO the best thing you can do is not just get the alcoholic away from the kids, but to demonstrate recovery yourself- which means acknowledging & making amends for the hurt and damage & your part in it as well, not just letting the memory fade. The goal is to NOT have them repeat the cycle in 10 years either as an addict or as a codie.
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Old 01-27-2017, 07:35 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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^^^^^^^this^^^^^^^^
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