Lonley and Afraid
 

Tonight is my 1st night visiting this website. I think it is going to be good for me. I am 22, and I live with my boyfriend, who is 35 and he is a "binge" alcoholic. This past two weekends I have experienced my life getting a lot more dangerous. I went to a wedding. We had a wonderful day and then bam! He had way too much to drink and on the way home he was calling people on his cell phone and I made the comment that he was being a little obnoxious. Well that was all it took. He threatend to jump out of the car while I was drivng. (speed limit was 50mph)I told him no it was late and I just wanted to get home. Now because I wouldn't stop, he pulled the emergency brake while I was driving that speed. My car swwirved into the other lane with on coming traffic, then back into my lane then into the ditch. This was only the beginning. This past weekend, he attended a softball tournament and he drank from about 8am till 830 pm when I saw him again. I was upset to think how drunk he was and made metion that I was "upset". Not in a pissed off mood at all and he lost his lid! We came home and I packed a overnight bag to get away. He didn't want me to leave and so he grabbed me and threw me into our bedroom closet. Then he ran into the kitchen and grabbed the butcher knife out of the draw and was threatning to kill himself in front of me. I called a family member at that point cause I wasn't sure of what was going to happen. He then took off, walking down to the lake onto his boat. He told me that he was going to kill himself out on the lake. These are just some of the events I have had to deal with in the past couple of weeks. I am an emotional wreck, and my body is a little sore today. I love him with all my heart, and I can't seem to understand how to get through this. I have plans to go to an Al-anon meeting in my area and I hope that that will help me out. If there is anybody who has been through this or is going through this please let me know. I want to know that I am not the only person who is dealing with this. Someone to talk to would be a great help.

[This message has been edited by Linda332 (edited August 20, 2001).]

Linda...
Welcome to the forum.
My Dad was the world's sweetest drunk, and the most violent thing my addict ever did was kick the fan. I don't have any experience with a violent addict, but my heart says you need to pack more than an overnight bag. If the violence has been escalating, you have every reason to fear that it could keep escalating. Until he's made a commitment to sobriety... you need to be away from him.
Contact a spouse abuse center, I think
they will confirm that these are warning signs of great danger.
I'm glad you're going to go to an al-anon group. But please... put your safety above everything else. Not in spite of the fact that you love him. BECAUSE you love him.
Please stay with us and keep posting. We want to know whats up with you.
SAFETY FIRST!

Smoke



[This message has been edited by smoke gets in my eyes (edited August 21, 2001).]

Linda,

Clear your mind for a moment. Close your eyes and picture 2 people who you love so much that you would die for them instead of hurting them.

ok, now think about never seeing them again.
I'm sorry to say this sweetie, but if you don't get away from this man(I use that term losely) you are going to either go literally crazy or he will kill you!!!

He is very sick and knows how to manipulate you. IT IS NEVER OK FOR ANYONE TO TAKE THEIR ANGER OUT ON YOU, ESPECIALLY PHYSICALLY!!!!!!!??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are so young, don't waste your youth with this person who has a diease that will make you as sick as he is!!!

I've been with my alcoholic for 11 years and now I'm kicking myself in the bottom for not taking care of myself, and ALLOWING him to make me sick too!! :O(

Now with 3 kids, I have some real soul-searching to do and after all these years and tears... I can tell you love is not one of the things that I can feel for him now...

take care of yourself!!! Remove yourself from the situation and seek help @ an abuse shelter. How important is your life to you??
this diease is unpredictable and can be deadly like any other diease.

Think about your dreams for the future and go for it!!!

write back..... I care about you!!
hugs, hugs, and more hugs
joyfulheart

Joyfulheart...
Right on!
And welcome to the al-anon page. I love your code-name. It lends strength to me.
Smoke

Linda, HI! how are you feeling today. I just read your story, and I can relate to a certain extent. My husband is an alcoholic and drug addict, but he is not a violent alcoholic. I left my husband seven months ago when he got arrested for possesion of heroine in our brand new car. I could not take it anymore at that time. I love my husband very much and just this month have moved back in with him and there are some days when i am pretty miserabel, those days are the ones when he gets in at 7am after an all night binge of drinking. He is the biggest ******* when he is drunk, the personality change is unbelievable. He is verbally threatening and has talked down at me when he's drunk. When he wakes up after a few hours of sleep and perhaps a slight hangover, he is a puppy. What has helped me are the alanon meetings, and keeping the focus on me...detaching with love is another way, but i have found this to be quite challenging. I definitely agree that you need to keep the focus on you, i know you love him, but you need to love yourself. go to alanon meetings and keep the focus on yourself, only you can decide if you want to stay or leave, from the sound of your story it sounds pretty violent, so PLEASE be careful.... think about you!!!
Longlivediva, NY

Linda I know exactly where you're coming from.I am going though the same thing with my son.He is 27,doesn't have a job and still manges to get drunk quite often.He has a friend who is a alcholic,this guy does have a job so when he goes out to get plastered he always calls my son,This is my son's one and only friend,or I should say drinking buddy.Your boyfriend sounds like he is in a very dangerous frame of mind.I will say an extra prayer for you tonight,please consider leaving him until you see he is serious about getting some badly needed help for himself.(((HUGS))) and God Bless.

Linda,
Have you had any children with this man? If not, then leave him now while you can. I know some addicts get sober/clean and stay that way for years, but many do not. My Dad was an alcoholic who was never sober for more than a few months. I know it sounds cruel, but the rest of your life may be a misery if you stay with this violent alcoholic and have his children, so you should get away while the getting is good.

Alcoholism is hereditary, so you run the risk of having alcoholic children or grandchildren some day.

My daughter is an addict, just like my father, although I was lucky enough not to marry one or be one myself. I love my daughter very much--but sometime, on bad days, when she was using/drinking (she is clean now) there were times when I wished I had never had children.

Warm regards and prayers,
Melly

[This message has been edited by Melly (edited September 08, 2001).]

OH MY GOSH ! You are only 22!! WHY, Hon, are you already settling for the dumpster dive of life?
1. LIVING with a boyfriend?
2. He has addiction problems?
3. He's SO much older than you- that indicates HE has other personality problems.
4. He also sounds like an all-around JERK and a mean guy.

PLEASE dear- please RUN. You have no clue what love is. Whatever you are "feeling" for him is not love. Pity, you want to help him like a puppy or something.

I tell you what I told my daughters. YOU deserve a real man. A strong arm to lean on, someone kind. Life is hard enough to get thru without marrying a mean person.

RUN RUN RUN. This guy is poison. WHY do so many women think they can love a guy into something wonderful? You can't change a turkey into a loyal German Shepherd.
Don't settle- you have your entire life ahead of you. Concentrate on bettering yourself right now- go to college, get out there and experience more.

Linda, what are you getting out of the relationship?

This is a 2001 post.

We can only hope she's okay (this post was from 2001). I pray with all my heart that she was able to get away and save herself.

Hugs to all,
GL

grr Jackie!! LOL

OH GOOD grief! I JUST popped onto this Forum- and here I go, not even reading the thing right- I didn't even dream this was an old post- okay I'm going to go figure this whole thing out.
BTW- I've been feeling a wee bit confused and discouraged over my husband's drinking- that is why Istumbled in here.

you should start your own thread with your story. welcome to SR and keep posting.

Jackie,

I love your screen name, absolutely :)

And yes, you should definitely start a "New Thread" and tell us your story. There is SO much love, support, acceptance, and helpful ideas here on this forum.

I'll be looking for it, and hoping I can help...

Hugs,
GiveLove

Welcome Jackie........tell us whats going on???? We are all here for you and each other...